Within You
by Lil6ter
Summary: He had loved her for forever. Now, he is faced with death for that love unless she can save him with a simple task. Just one task and he will be able to marry his best friend. It is a shame that life never works the way we want it to.
1. Prologue

_**Disclaimer**__: I love the only Inuyasha related thing I own. My cute little chibi inu key-chain which lives out its happy life on my iPod making fashion statements everywhere (Ha! Take that Parris Hilton! You want something hot? Then look at my iPod cuz it's so cute and knows how to accessorize.)_

_To Have But Never To Hold_

_By: lil6ter

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_How you turned my world, you precious thing*_

_Prologue_

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How had it come to this moment? How had it come to this decision?

The orchestra was beautiful: the best in the land, though that was to be expected. They always had the best here. The best food, the best music, the best clothing, the best artwork: no one else could compare. The hum of the instruments warmed the air on the cool night, and added to the joyful feel of the party. It was a masquerade, her father's idea. She thought that it would be a foolish one, asking for something terrible to happen. She had been all too right. She had felt him the moment he entered the room. She was attuned to his presence by now. It was hard to not be after nearly growing up with him.

She had chosen to ignore him though. She had mingled with the ladies of the court, and she had sipped her wine, waiting for the night to be over with. She was not sure if she was pleased with that decision.

She should have kept a closer eye on him throughout the evening instead of listening to the latest gossip. Or better yet, she should have never left the small group of women. Then he never would have trapped her from behind.

"My lady," he whispered into her ear, the tip of his dog mask gently grazing the edge of the shell.

"You should not be here," she whispered back. It was dangerous for him to be seen here with her, even if his face was concealed.

"I wanted to. I believe that we have a conversation to finish."

"I believe that we finished that conversation. There is nothing more to be said."

"Ah, but you are quite mistaken."

"Please..."

"Sh..." he whispered, backing away from her and allowing her the freedom to move once more. "Listen to the music."

She did, and she smiled ever so softly. They were playing his song**. The song that he always played on his violin.

"Dance with me?"

"You know that I cannot...it would cause so much trouble. And what would people think? What would my father think?"

"I think that you are forgetting about the woman that once said that she cared naught of what others though. Please...dance with me this one last time."

She could see his eyes, the longing, the desperation. It was something that she had only seen once before, and it was not something that she wanted to ever see again.

"Why do you do this to yourself?"

"Dance with me, and I may tell you."

She looked away in thought before raising her hand, and placing it on his arm.

Everyone in the room knew who she was, and everyone knew that this man was not her fiancé. She could feel their eyes on her as he led her to the center of the room. She silently damned him then, pleading him with her eyes to not do this.

"You have been avoiding me lately," he began after they had started to dance, her long dress swishing in what felt like the now silent room.

"I do not know what you mean."

"Ah...but you do. Tell me...why do you wish to continue this little farce of yours?"

"Why do you wish to continue to do this to yourself? You owe me that at the very least after last week."

"I owe you? My Dear, I think that it is the other way around. Why did you not tell me yourself?"

"It was not of importance."

"Your _fiancé_ would not agree," he spat. "Why did you leave me to find out through word of mouth...through one of the _maids_?"

"And why did you have to tell me that...please...can you not just leave me alone?"

"Have I ever been able to?" he smiled ruefully.

"No...I suppose not, but now you must learn to."

"Perhaps...but first, first I have something for you."

"What is...please...do not do what I think-"

"After a week of solitude and being treated like a leper except to be mocked, at least let me do this."

"Please...I beg of you...please keep it. Save it for another."

"There is no other," he whispered as he reached into a pocket and pulled out the necklace she had feared most. The one thing of value that he owned, and she felt it being lowered around her neck like a heavy weight, just like she felt the whispers of the people around her. "I want you to have it. Even if there is someone else to take your heart from me," he murmured, razing his hand to gently cup her cheek and look into her eyes.

"I cannot keep this."

"Even if I beg you to?"

"Even," she swallowed, her throat suddenly becoming too dry, "even if you beg me to. You are a proud man. Do not become a foolish one. He will not let you get away with this unharmed."

"Your father or your _fiancé_?"

"Both of them."

"Then if I am to die, I will die a foolish, love struck one," he whispered, pressing his lips to hers. She was lost in him, surrounded by him, and solely his until he pulled away from her and demanded, "Why must you hide from this? Why must you do as your father asks? I know that your words are not true when you say that you care nothing for me. I can see it in your eyes."

"You are mistaken," she breathed.

"You lie," he growled lowly. "Why must you lie to me? After everything, why must you stoop to that?"

"It is _so_ nice to see you again," a voice sneered from behind as a sharp blade was pressed to the man's throat. "Tell me...from what rock did you crawl out from under, and why do you soil my fiancé with your presence? Better yet, why did you come here tonight when you were clearly _not_ invited?"

How had it come to this?

"I came to challenge your right for her."  
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How had she let it happen, and how could she keep him from being killed come dawn?

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A/N: *Lyric to David Bowie's song Within You (http:// www. youtube. com/watch? v=y1-l0UN CKJM)

** Serenade, by Franz Schubert. (http:// www. youtube. com/ watch? v=r BaLyPQ F-Fo )

I own neither song. Yes, the man and the woman are I/K.

Please dun shoot! I know that I haven't updated Café in…a long time, but the place that I am at in that story is very complex and sticky and 1. I don't wanna mess it up, and 2. I just need a break from writing it, yet I still wanna write _something_!

I only have one chapter TOTALLY completed (which is this one) and I am on page 10 of the next chapter. I have NO idea how long it will be…but with any luck it will be up here soon!

If this is your first time reading something of mine, allow me to introduce you to my motto: **school comes first**. It has been that way since I started writing my…junior (?) year of high school, and that has not changed now that I am in college (and it pays off…GPA last Q was a 3.5!! Not bad for a new freshman!). Since I do take school like I do, it may be a bit harder for me to update, but I WILL update! The plot for this story has been rolling around my head for the last year! (I wonder how healthy that is…)

ANYWAYS…I hope you liked it! R and R please! Every review gets a response and helps me update faster!!


	2. Chapter 1

**_Disclaimer_**_: I love the only Inuyasha related thing I own. My cute little chibi inu key-chain which lives out its happy life on my iPod making fashion statements everywhere (Ha! Take that Parris Hilton! You want something hot? Then look at my iPod cuz it's so cute and knows how to accessorize.)_

_To Have But Never To Hold_

_By: lil6ter_

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_You starve and near exhaust me*_

_Chapter One_

She could not stop the tears. She had tried…oh how she had tried…but they just would not stop. Every time she thought that she was close, they would flare back up again. She would feel her throat constrict and air would become harder to take in…and she would think of him. The man that was willing to risk his life just to be with her.

"My lady," a female voice whispered from behind her, causing her to stiffen. "It is time."

She nodded, her breath catching in her throat once again. She turned away from the window she had been looking out of all night, and allowed her dearest friend and maid to hand her a handkerchief so that she could dab away the tears…not that it would matter.

She was meant to use this night as a night to find a way…anyway...to save his life.

She was not sure that she could do it.

"What am I going to do?" she whispered more to herself then to her friend, yet she still heard a small, hopeful voice respond.

"You are going to save him."

"How? How can I save him? What he did last night…it was stupid and foolish and now he is going to die! If not by my father, then by my fiancé. If not by my fiancé, then by the hand of others trying to teach him his place. If not by them, then by his own hand…there is no hope for him! _I_ am his only hope…and I do not even know how to save him! If he cannot…he will not be able to. He stands no chance against anyone of noble birth in any competition!"

She could feel the tears welling up once again, only to pool over and spill down her cheeks. He was a dead man no matter what happened. Why did he have to do this? Maybe…just maybe after she had been wed they could find a way…but now? To do this? There was no way he could win.

"My Lady forgets that he is of noble birth too. That he was once on the path to becoming to be a knight. That he has already won something that no other noble man ever could: he won you. Do not doubt him, My Lady," her friend and confidant crisply reprimanded. "He is more capable then you give him credit for."

Her friends words stung, but they were true. She needed to have more faith in him. She nodded her head and dabbed at her cheeks once more, worrying her lip between her teeth.

"I have no plan for him."

"Nor do I."

"Is there no hope, then?"

Her friend shook her head. "I cannot say," she whispered, her eyes roaming over the room before stopping on something and a smile covered her lips. "Perhaps…perhaps there is!"

Suddenly, things became a little better.

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He walked with his head held high. No one could say that when he entered the King's Court to await his fate that he was a coward. After what he had done last night, blatantly kissing Princess Kagome in front of the entire court, no one could dare utter that he, Inuyasha, was a coward.

"You are a fool, you know."

Inuyasha glared at the man sent to bring him to the court.

"How can you think that someone such as the Princess will choose _you_ over a Duke?"

He bit his tongue, not wanting to say anything that could, and would, be used against him in the moments to come.

"If you think that she will _lower_ herself to your level, then you are dumber then you look. It is no wonder you could never complete your training. Look at you!"

It was taking all he had in him not to punch the man, so instead he took a deep breath, held it for a few beats, clenched and unclenched his hands, and then relaxed. They were almost there, and then he would not have to deal with this bastard.

He was led into a building and down a hallway, into the courtroom. When the doors opened, he could feel every eye on him, and he could hear the whispers swirling around him. He could hear the rumors of the past resurfacing to the present.

"I heard that he is the one that they found in her bed."

"I heard the same thing! Apparently he was good enough for the Princess to consider keeping around. I cannot believe that she would consider throwing away her entire future just because of one night."

"Come now…we do not know if it was one night or more! I just do not know what she sees in him. He is a failure. The only thing he is good at is keeping horses!"

He let their words roll off his back and walked with pride to the front to wait for Kagome, and for her to announce her decision. He was used to such words about himself, but he had to clench his fist to prevent lashing out at them for slandering Kagome's name. They knew nothing about that night. They knew nothing about their relationship.

He could feel another man bump into his shoulder and walk by him, rage and hatred radiating off of him.

Her fiancé.

Soon, with any luck, he would be removed out of the picture all together. Soon…soon he would no longer be the one engaged to the Princess.

Inuyasha took a deep breath.

Soon.

He just had to wait.

As the minutes began to tick by, slowly, he lost himself to his mind, and was brought back when he came to this place for the first time, and the circumstances surrounding his arrival.

_Thirteen_ _Years Earlier_

It was a good day for a funeral. Cold, dark, and damp. The storm had been a rather sudden one, inundating patches of dirt until they were puddles of sloshing mud on the ground. They had carried the body from the den of his house to the site on the back of a wooden wagon. Then, they lowered him in, slowly and carefully. Now, he was covered in a veil of darkness, never to remerge into the world of the light. This was the fate of his father. The fate of a general. It was an arrow through the heart that killed him. It made it past the armor to the tender flesh that was decaying bit by bit, ever so slowly. It was the arrow that took everything away from him.

Now…now he had nothing.

There was no one for him to turn to. His mother was laying in the darkness with his father, slumbering ever since he was but a mere few years old. The memories of her were vague and misty. Never clear and crisp like most children's. He had no aunts or uncles. No distant cousins. Both of his parents were the last of their families, all of whom had been killed off by old age or diesis or war.

He was alone.

He was scared.

He was nothing.

He heard a knock on the door. It carried an essence that demanded that it be acknowledged and respected, something that he could not bring himself to do just then.

"I know you are in there…" the voice called out. It belonged to woman. One that he did not know, or at least he believed that he did not know her. "Please," the woman continued, "come out of there. It is not good for you to be by yourself."

Come out? This woman spoke of the unthinkable. This place…the room…it was all he had left. It was all that he could still cling to in the hopes of maintaining something of the past. On the desk, he had papers, quills and inks. He remembered how he would sit at that desk, day in and day out, learning how to read and write. He still found it rather hard to form a Q or a G, but in the bottom drawer of his desk, one could find pages upon pages filled with his cursive.

On his chair he had a violin. It was old and well worn, but his father had given it to him. He used to spend the evenings with him teaching him how to hold it just so and how to position his fingers to make all the different notes.

Those days were gone now.

Everything was gone now.

"Inuyasha," the woman called out softly, opening the door and walking into his room. The boy looked hollow—his eyes glassy. "Inuyasha, we need to get you packed up."

Packed up? For what reason? He did not have family. He was the last of his line. There were no aunts, no uncles, no distant relatives. He was an orphan, left now to wander the streets. He wanted to live just a bit longer here though. Why could this woman not see this?

"We need to take you to your new home. There is someone that really wants to meet you."

Who would want to meet him? Who was this woman even?

"Come on now Inuyasha. Do you not want to go to your new home?"

"Who are you," the boy whispered hollowly. "Where are you going to take me?"

The woman, perhaps four or five years older than he himself, walked over to him and put a hand on his shoulder. "My name is Kaede, and we are going to go to the castle."

His eyes widened ever so slightly.

He had never been to the castle before. He had always wanted to go, but his father had never allowed it. He always said that it was no place for a little boy such as himself, but when he got older, and when he had received the proper training, he could go.

"Why are we going to the castle?"

Kaede smiled down at the nine year old, trying to help instill a sense of peace and hope. He looked so young, but she knew him to be only a few years younger than herself. She was thirteen. Young, but old enough to be sent on a trip to gather up this poor boy and give him a future. Inuyasha's father was well thought of by the King, and if it had not been for this and this alone, she knew that chances were that he would be on the streets.

"You are going to have a new life there. You will like it there…I promise. The King wants you to start your training early…what do you think of that?"

He wanted to go…he did…but he just was not ready. "May I have more time here? Must I go now?"

"You must. It will be important for you to learn that you do not disobey the King and his wants, Inuyasha. I promise you…you will be happy there. Now then…let us get you packed up and ready to go."

That was the last time he ever saw his home.

It was one days travel to go from his old home to his new home, but once he had left it he wished that he never had. The streets would have been kinder to him then the people he met during his training.

A round, pudgy, red faced boy pushed him down to the dirt before straddling his waist and bringing his fist down upon his face, hitting him on his cheek bone. The skin there turned a bright red and started to puff ever so slightly, as did the skin on his jaw, collar bone, and shoulder. Inuyasha tried to raise up his hands to defend himself, but the red faced teen's cronies had already taken their place holding his arms down.

"You think I can't do arithmetic? You think that, do you?"

"Get off!" he cried, tears starting to wheal up in his eyes.

"Not until you learn your lesson!"

He could hear the two boys next to him snickering as their grip on his arms tightened. "Get `em good Koga! Show `em who's boss!"

"Let me go!" he cried again, trying to escape the punches raining down on him and wiggling as much as he could. He felt his lip split after one particularly hard punch and the taste of blood entered his mouth.

"That's enough of that for now…let's take him to the privy!"

His eyes widened as he felt himself being lifted up by the two cronies and dragged over to the outhouse not too far from the school that he was now going to. He heard lots of giggling and outright laughter as he was shoved into the privy and the door was locked. He tried knocking the door open, but he knew exactly what the three boys were doing. Koga was leaning on the door, and the other two were stacking up things on the outside so that he could not get out without them letting him out, and that would only happen once he had missed class and he would only be further punished.

He choked back a sob.

The whole thing had started when he had made a comment after the teacher reprimanded Koga about his lack of effort with his arithmetic. The next thing he knew was that after they had been let out for break, the three of them had pounced on him, and now he was stuck in this present situation.

"Let me out! Please! Let me out!"

"I don't think so. You need to learn your place…which is in the privy!"

He heard laughter from all around and he heard it fade away. They were leaving him there.

"Please! Let me out! Don't leave me here!"

It was no use...no matter how much he would call out, no one would come to save him. He closed his eyes and leaned his head on the door. His body throbbed all over and he could still taste the blood from his lip. H e cursed Koga, and he cursed the fact that he had to be here. It had been a year since he had first come to this place, and he hated it. He especially hated the months when Koga would come. Koga was not normally here. He was only here when his father was visiting the castle for some reason or another. It was too much hassle, apparently, to bring along Koga's tutor, so instead he attended the same school he was currently going to. This was his last year going to a normal school. Next year, if he passed all his courses, he would move on to training to be a knight.

Inuyasha sighed when the sound of children his age had completely disappeared. He was stuck now…stuck in the latrine. When he would be let out, he was sure that he would smell horrible, and he was not going to have a bath until next week! Perhaps he could skip the rest of the day since he was already going to be in trouble, and go to a pond he had found not too long ago.

The thought of the pond brought a smile to his face. It was clean and cool and crisp and beautiful and perfect. It was just the thing he needed to get away from it all for now…but first, he had to wait, and wait he did.

He stood in the privy for at least another hour before someone finally let him out, and when they did, he took off running into the woods that surrounded the school. He ran and ran and ran and never stopped. Not until he came to that beautiful clearing with the pond. He paused for a moment to take the site in, but he quickly stripped down and jumped into the water.

It felt good against his bruised skin. He had seen his reflection briefly before he had jumped in, and he knew that it would take a good month before everything had healed, and that was only if Koga did not decide to test his strength on him again.

He shivered at the thought.

He had had enough Koga to last him a life time.

Inuyasha shook his head to dispel those thought from in his mind. This was his time…and he was going to enjoy it. He quickly rubbed himself and his clothing down as best he could before he began to enjoy himself in the water and swam around in it. Eventually, he got tired and took a nap on the shore next to his shirt and pants, and when he awoke an hour later, he went back into the pond. He was not sure how long he was there for, but he wanted to stay there for an eternity.

This was his special place. His escape from the world, and no one knew of its existence…or so he thought until he saw a little black haired head pop out of the trees and come toward the pond. The girl must have not seen him, for she made no attempt to hide her presence. She must have been no older than seven, and she looked every bit the daughter of someone of importance.

She continued onward to the pond, but froze when she finally took note of his being there.

"Who are you," she demanded, her back straight and a look of both surprise and pride in her eyes. "What are you doing in _my_ pond?"

"_Your_ pond? I do not see anyone's name written on it anywhere!"

The girl's eyes slanted and drifted over to his now dry clothes. He felt himself freeze and panic settle in under his skin.

Faster than he could prevent it, the girl ran over to his clothes and picked them up, holding them over the water.

"Tell me who you are and what you are doing here," she repeated.

"My name is Inuyasha, and I am here because I wanted to get away from someone."

This caught her interest.

"Did you run away from home?"

"No…I ran away from school and from someone in it. Can you please put my clothing back?"

The girl nodded her head and set everything back down where she had found it. He was at a loss of what to say. He had never been around a little girl before. Everyone at school were boys, and when his father was alive he rarely traveled out and around with him. When he did, he would only see more boys his age.

"You're the first girl I've ever met," he said after a moment.

Her eyebrows arched in surprise. "Really? But what about at your school? Are there not a few girls there?"

He shook his head. "I go to an all boys school. I wanna be a general like my father when I get older."

"Is that how you got those bruises?"

He blushed and averted his gaze when he shook his head no. "I got those from the person I ran away from. I hate him. He doesn't take anything seriously and thinks that he can only have his way by asserting brute force."

"I know someone like that. I hate him," she agreed, wrinkling her nose in distaste. "How much longer can you be gone for?"

"As long as I want. I'm not going back there until I'm good and ready."

"So then you would come back with me to my home? I have something for your bruises."

He tilted his head in thought. The girl seemed nice…other then when she threatened his clothing's safety.

"Where do you live?"

"At the castle," she smiled. "You will be safe there, I promise."

He pursed his lips I though before grimacing from the pain of his spilt lip. She said that she had something that would help with his wounds though…and he would defiantly need that with Koga in for the next month.

"Alright…but turn around so I can get dressed."

The girl smiled and nodded her head before doing as he asked. He studied her as he redressed. She must have come from a family of power. That was the only explanation for the expensive clothing. He felt sticky as he put on his own clothing because of how everything clung to him. He supposed that this was the only down side to his plan, but that was alright. The swim had been marvelous.

"I'm ready."

The girl smiled and started leading the way to the castle. He learned along the way that she was actually eight, and that she had run away from her teachers too. She had grown tired of learning proper etiquette in court.

"There are only so many different ways to learn how to curtsy. I wish that I could go to your school!"

"You wouldn't say that if you knew what it was really like. It is horrible! Everyone there has a stick up their butt!"

The girl gasped and covered her mouth with both hands. He thought that he had something wrong until he heard a snort, then a giggle, then full out laughter. They had to pause a second to let her work it out of her system, but she eventually was able to regain her composure.

"I like you," she finally declared once she had managed to sneak him into her room.

"Thanks…I guess you aren't too bad for a girl."

"Ha! You don't even know what other girls are like!"

"I guess…but you are the nicest one I have ever met."

She stuck out her tongue at his half compliment before she disappeared to get a container of something gunky.

"What is _that_?" he asked with disgust.

"It's something that I have to put on whenever I get bruises. It wouldn't be seemly for the Princess to have bruises," she mocked, going still when she realized what she had said when his posture suddenly stiffened dramatically.

"Inuyasha…I…"

"Am I gonna get in trouble for being here, Princess?"

"No," she smiled wanly. "I will not let anything happen."

He nodded his head and allowed her to apply the salve to his face and skin. His skin started to cool instantly, though he did not know if it was because the salve was cold, or because this was the salves purpose. When she was done, she handed him the container.

"Keep it."

It was a simple request, and one that startled him. He could tell just from looking at it that it had to have been worth a small fortune.

"Are you sure?" He had to be sure…he didn't want to take anything that she may want back later.

"Yes."

"Thank you," he smiled.

She genuinely returned his smile. "Of course."

That had been the day that they became friends, and he had been so glad that he had a friend.

Nothing changed for Inuyasha over the next few months in school. That damn red faced pudgy boy named Koga still thought that he was God's gift to the world, and he still thought that it was fun to sit on him and punch his face in. He was still trying his best in school. He wanted to make his father proud of him, and by God, he was.

He was best friends with Kagome though…and that was all that mattered to him. Sure it was strange at times that she was the princess and that her maid, Kaede, had to constantly interrupt whatever they were doing whenever they were able to sneak off and meet to check on her, but it was well worth it if he could spend time with her. She was quickly becoming the place he fit in.

Unfortunately someone did not like that one bit.

"Oh come now Inuyasha…you must admit…he is a handsome horse."

Inuyasha turned up his nose in disgust. When he had met up with Kagome in their special spot by the pond, she had told him that she had something that she wanted to show him. Naturally, he agreed to let her drag him to the barn where he was greeted with the sight of a young, strong, midnight black horse. While he had internally been admiring the beast, externally he cringed.

It had been a gift to her from one of her "friends". While he may have been her best friend (which she had started reminding him of quite frequently), he was also her poorest friend by far. Her other friends could shower her with gifts of expensive jewelry or dolls or apparently horses. He could only offer her himself, kind words, and maybe flowers that he thought were really pretty. Nothing that was tangible and expensive or would last though. This horse only twisted a knife further into his heart and helped to fan the dark question lingering in the deepest part of his mind.

Why was she friends with him?

Was she friends with him because she took pity on him?

It wasn't something that he often thought of, and he tried to not think about it, but it was in times like these that he found himself slowly drifting down that path.

"Sure...I guess. I'm not really a horse expert, so I couldn't tell you a darn thing about it."

"_Him_," Kagome corrected. "I can't decide on what to name him. Nothing seems to fit."

"I'm sure you will think of something." He carefully held out his hand, nervous to how the horse would respond to him, and smiled when he bent his head down to sniff it.

"I think he likes you!"

"Really?"

"Mhm!" She nodded. "Look at how nice he is being with you! He was very frisky with me. He snapped at my fingers."

"He was probably just scared is all silly. You did say that you got him today didn't you?"

"Still though…I can just tell that he likes you."

Inuyasha just grinned as he reached up to rub the horse's nose. He felt like warm, moving velvet. It was unlike anything he had ever felt before. He had never really touched a horse until now. His father wouldn't let him near them because he was afraid that they would get out of control and trample him, but he had always felt that it was a slim to none chance of him getting hurt from a horse. Crazier things had and could happen.

Almost as if the universe was not only out to get him, but had also read his mind, seemingly out of nowhere they heard a voice from behind.

"Do you like _my_ gift, Princess?"

There was only one person in the entire world who could squeeze that much arrogance into a sentence.

"Good afternoon, Koga. Yes…I love him. Thank you for your kind gift…I do not know how to thank you."

Inuyasha couldn't help but smile. She may have only been eight, but she knew how to talk like a diplomat if he had ever heard one!

"I'm sure that we can do something later to…who is that?" he demanded, finally noticing the presence of another. "Kaede had said that you were in the stables with my gift to you, but she never said that you were here with some…_boy._"

The way he said that made Inuyasha want to turn around and punch him in the jaw. How dare he imply that he was any better? How dare he imply that he was a man, and insinuate that he was nothing but a mere child?

"Oh!" Kagome blinked, pretending…or at least he hoped that she was pretending…that she had forgotten all about him. "This is Inuyasha. He's a friend of mine. I wanted to show him how beautiful your gift was. You don't mind…do you?"

Inuyasha turned around to face the pudgy boy and saw his eyes first widen when seeing just which Inuyasha he was, before narrowing in hatred.

"I see…Kagome…why don't we go out for a picnic."

Kagome paused for a moment, only to walk over to Inuyasha and take his hand. "That sounds like a great idea…Inuyasha and I will go tell Kaede that she should prepare a basket for the four of us. We will be back in a moment, so stay here."

They were gone before he could argue.

Inuyasha was unnaturally silent as they walked through the castle, and it started to bother Kagome. He could tell with the way that she would start fidgeting and try to make small talk: something that they never did. If they had something on their mind, they just spit it out. They didn't dance around anything…and that was part of what made their friendship so great.

"What's wrong, Inuyasha?" She finally asked once they had found and asked Kaede for their basket.

"You didn't tell me that you got the horse from Koga…or that you were friends with him. Why? You know that I hate him!"

"No…I didn't," she countered. "You never told me that you hate him, and…" she paused biting her lip. What she wanted to say couldn't be over heard by others. It would do no one any good if they heard what she thought of the red faced boy, and could actually cause much trouble for her father. She took his hand and pulled him to her. Standing up on her tip toes, she found his ear and whispered, "I don't like him much either…but I have to for my father. I can't let something happen to father's relationship with Koga's family die because Koga is unhappy with me. That is why I am friends with him."

Inuyasha nodded. As much as he hated it, he could understand why she was doing it. He wouldn't question her on this seeing as she knew more about the delicate inner workings of politics then he did.

He wrinkled his nose. "I still don't like that we are having a picnic with him."

"Don't worry…he didn't seem all that happy that you will be there too."

"Feh…I don't care what he thinks," Inuyasha huffed, crossing his arms over his chest and sticking his nose into the air. It was true too. He didn't care what that egotistical bastard thought.

"Hey…Kagome?"

"Yes?"

"Can I—"

"My Lady!" Kaede interrupted, entering the room holding up a large basket. "I have everything. I am _so_ glad that you wanted to eat outside today! The weather is marvolus! It would be a shame to waste a day as fabulous as today," she grinned.

"Kagome raised an eyebrow at her but didn't say anything, nor did she push Inuyasha into asking her what he was going to say.

"You should thank Koga…it was his idea."

Kaede's smile falters a little at the thought of the boy, but it perked back up when she started thinking about the beautiful picnic. "Perhaps I will…shall we gather him?"

"If we must," Inuyasha grumbled loud enough for only Kagome to hear. She laughed at his tone, but never said anything to Kaede as to what was so funny, no matter how much she poked and prodded, trying to get it out of her.

When they reached the stables, they found Koga looking even more red faced then normal and sitting in a corner as he clenched and unclenched his fists.

"There you are!" he shouted. "I have been sitting out here for God only knows how long, bored to death, while you took _Inuyasha_ with you to go get the food! You took _forever_!"

"Sorry Koga…but it took a while to make up the basket."

"You still could have taken me with you!"

"Don't take that tone with her," Inuyasha stepped in, hiding Kagome behind him as if he were trying to protect her from the world…or at least Koga.

"Learn your place! You have no right to speak on her behalf or talk back to me!"

"I have every right as her friend to tell you to not talk to her like that!"

"Why you little…"

"Would you two stop it?" Both arguing males turned to look at the eight year old. "Really! The two of you! Can we just pick a spot for our picnic, or would you two like to step outside and hash this out on your own?"

Inuyasha immediately snapped his mouth shut and looked off to the side, a blush staining his cheeks. She was right…now was not the time and he didn't want to make things worse for her.

"Where do you wanna go," he mumbled, scratching the back of his head.

" I think that we should let Koga choose." Kagome shot Inuyasha a grateful glance for silently agreeing to stop arguing with Koga for now.

"Fine…then follow me." The boy huffed, turning on his heal and leading them out of the stables and to a spot in the garden under a tree.

It was rather strange eating with the two of them, in Kagome's opinion. Inuyasha and Koga kept glaring at each other and it was all she and Kaede could do to keep the conversation light and civil. They never once said a thing to each other the entire time.

"Well, lunch was pleasant, would you not agree Kagome?"

"Mhm! It was wonderful! I have to say…the apples were my favorite part this time. What did you like Inuyasha?"

"Sure," he replied, clearly not paying attention and keeping his eyes solely on Koga.

Kagome sighed and silently wished that this would be over with soon. It was no fun with how the two were acting, and she only had oh so much time that she could spend with Inuyasha before she had to see him off.

"Princess, I want to speak with you."

"Alright Koga…what is it?"

"I want to talk to you _alone_."

This surprised Kagome, but she did not deny him his request. She stood up from her place next to Inuyasha and followed him away from the group to where they could apparently talk in peace. When they had gone far enough, Koga immediately turned to her and demanded "Why is he here?"

"Who…Inuyasha?"

"Yes…_Inuyasha_," he sneered. "Why is he here? _We_ were supposed to be the only ones on the picnic. Why did you drag him along?"

"I didn't _drag_ him along! He is my friend and I wanted to spend time with him too! Besides…you didn't say that you wanted to spend time with _just_ me!"

"But _why?_ He's _beneath_ you!"

"_You_ are beneath me too! What you _really_ mean is that he is beneath _you_. Why do you care who my best friends are?"

His eyes widened at this. Yes…he had known that she was friends with him…but he had never even considered the possibility that he was one of her _best_ friends. He didn't want that…not at all. You see, the thing about Koga was that he saw an opportunity in Kagome. She was a Princess…and there were no male heirs to the throne. If he were to marry her, not only would he have a beautiful wife-something that he was sure she would become since she was already a cute little girl-but he would also be King. If she were best friends with this boy, then that could ruin his plans for his future. The King loved his family, and if he were to set his sights on the Kings daughter, then it was likely that he would _get_ the Kings daughter. He was well aware of the fact that there were others his age and older, such as Hojo, that had the same plan in their minds for when she struck the age of thirteen, but this could ruin everything. He was sure that her father would consider her feelings in the matter, and if she were best friends with the boy…and if their relationship grew to be platonic…no…he would not let that happen. He would start to woo the girl before the two of them even realized what was happening to their hearts.

"I am just looking out for your best interests, Princess. After all…he is not like the rest of your friends. One would think that you are taking pity on the poor orphan."

"O-orphan?"

"He never told you? His mother died when he was very young…and his father was killed in the war. I heard it was an arrow through his heart that did it. He has been living at the school house I go to…the poor thing."

"I didn't know that," she whispered. Kagome had never been friends with Inuyasha because she pitied him…but she could see how people would think that. Maybe that was why he never let her go further than the pond when he left.

"Strange…he _is_ your best friend, isn't he? I wonder why he would have kept something _so_ important from you."

Kagome didn't answer, nor did she notice when Koga left her alone to think of what he had just said.

Inuyasha had been talking to Kaede since Koga left with Kagome. Kaede…she was the same woman that had taken him from his home and brought him to the school house under the pretenses of living at the castle. At first he had hated her…but as time went on she had started to grow on him, mostly out of respect for Kagome.

When they saw Koga return without Kagome, he felt a bubble of worry make itself at home in the pit of his stomach.

"Where is Kagome?"

"She wanted a few moments alone to think about some things," he lied.

"I should go and check on her," Kaede said, quickly getting up from her spot and running off in the direction Koga had taken Kagome in. She didn't think twice about the fact that she had just left two enemies alone to their own devices.

"So what did you want to talk to Kagome about?" Inuyasha asked, glaring at the boy in front of him while Koga carried a mask of seeming aloofness.

"Nothing important. I would not worry your pretty little head over it, Inuyasha," he replied as he examined his fingernails. This only made Inuyasha worry more. What did he do to Kagome?

"You better not have hurt her," he growled, clenching and unclenching his fists.

"Hurt her? Why would I want to do that? She is _my_ friend."

"Yeah…and I know what your other friends are like, and I know that she is nothing like them. She won't do what you want, and you can't bully her into it. That makes her a bit more unique, wouldn't you say?"

"And just what are you trying to say," he asked through narrowed eyes.

"Just watch your step. I won't let you hold me down and punch my face in where she is involved."

"Let me? I _hate_ to tell you this, but you wouldn't stand a chance against _me_ in a fight."

"You wanna try me?"

"Anytime, anywhere."

"Boys! What do you think you are doing? And in the presence of our Princess! You should be ashamed of yourselves!"

Inuyasha looked up from Koga to see both Kaede and Kagome staring at them with wide eyes. How could they even think about fighting?

"Inuyasha…maybe I should see you off."

"What? But I—"

"Now, Inuyasha."

He had never heard Kagome take that tone with him before.

"If…you're sure, then fine."

"I am."

"When you get back, Princess…why don't we go for a ride on that horse I gave you?"

She smiled and nodded her head. Inuyasha felt like she had shot an arrow through his heart, much like how his father had died. He understood that she had an obligation to be friends with Koga…he did. That didn't mean that he liked her asking him to leave so that she could spend one on one time with the bastard, and agree to their activities with a smile on her face.

He turned away from the three and started off towards in the direction of the woods to go home. He didn't stop when he heard Kagome running after him, and he didn't stop when she had caught up and grabbed a hold of his arm, trying to talk to him. He just kept walking. He never stopped. Not until they were at the pond. Then he had to make sure that Kagome wouldn't follow him. He wasn't one of her wealthier friends…he had nothing in his name. He didn't want her to see where he lived too. He didn't want any of her pity.

"Inuyasha, _please_…won't you stop?"

"You need to go back, Kagome. Koga will be wondering where you are soon."

"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what has gotten into you!"

"_Nothing_. I'm _fine_."

"That is bull! I know you better then that…what was going on with you and Koga back there? Why are you acting like this?"

"Me? What is going on with you? I thought that you wanted to spend time with _me_ today. I could have been doing other things if I knew that all you wanted to do was show me something that _Koga_ got for you, and then have a picnic with _Koga_, and then go off and talk with _Koga_, then I wouldn't have come!"

"Inuyasha…I—"

"I get it, Kagome. I get it that you need to play nice with him…but I'm your friend too."

She was silent for a moment, and he watched her bite her lip and mentally toss something around in her head. What was going on with her? They had never held anything back from each other in all the time he had known her in.

"Do you want to know what Koga asked me when he pulled me away?"

"Yes," he replied, not even pausing for a moment.

"He wanted to know why we are friends. He says that you are beneath me, an orphan, and that you are living in your school with your teacher."

She watched the shock on his face as her words registered in his mind, but he didn't deny any of it.

"I don't care that you are `beneath me', Inuyasha. You are my friend…my best friend…and I will always think that…but Koga has too big an ego. I need to make sure that his ego is not bruised because of me because his father means so much to my father. You will always come first to me…but I have to sometimes do what is best for father. Please try and understand…if Koga had never come along, I would have spent all of my time with you today."

What she had said both made sense and was something that he already knew…yet he supposed that it was helpful to hear her say it. He was being stupid…what he wanted was for her to spend all of her time with him, and that just simply wouldn't happen.

"I understand, Kagome. I just don't like it."

"Neither do I," she giggled.

"I shall see you this time tomorrow?"

"Yes…I want to ride my new horse with you…not Koga. "

"Then I shall meet you here tomorrow."

She nodded and watched him start to leave the pond. Before he was completely gone, and idea struck her.

"Inuyasha," she called out.

"Yeah?"

"I think I will name him Ash. My horse…I want to name him after you. Koga may have given him to me…but I want to name him after the better friend."

He carried that memory for years to come, especially when Koga became too much to handle. He seemed to always pop up whenever he was least wanted, and the gifts he showered upon Kagome never seemed to stop or lessen. It always made Inuyasha feel so worthless…but whenever he felt that feeling well up in his chest, he would just think back to that one day at the pond.

He did want a way to make money, however, so Kagome…sweet, kind, loving, wonderful Kagome found him a job at the castle: taking care of Ash. It was decent pay, and he could spend even more time with Kagome, so it was worth overlooking some of the less desirable aspects of the job. One of the times that he was tending to Ash, he had to stay later than normal. By the time he had finished, it was nearing dusk and Kagome refused to let him go home, just as he had started to refuse to let her walk him to the pond. He had begun to tell her "safety first", and she was quickly not becoming a fan of it. It was true though…they had been careless before when she had walked him to the pond, and he made sure now that she would always be safe as her unofficial protector.

It was on this night, however, when Kagome insisted that he stay. She did not want her father finding out that he was staying, so she and Kaede set up sleeping arrangements in the barn. He had to have been about thirteen at the time, and Kagome must have been eleven…but that was the first night that they slept together. Not in a sexual manner, of course. He would never let that happen…but when she snuck down to the barn and crawled under the blanket to be with him, she said that she could not stand the thought of him being out here alone and by himself.

It had been relatively…strange…that first time. Not knowing where to put limbs and what was proper or not proper or if they should make contact with the other…but it was…nice. That feeling of having a place to belong was once again there, beating from within his chest telling him that he was supposed to belong with Kagome.

At the time he had taken this feeling to mean that they were very good friends, but come her thirteenth birthday, he learned otherwise.

"You will come tonight…won't you? For me?"

Inuyasha looked over the horse from where he was brushing Ash to where Kagome was sitting, smelling a bouquet of flowers that he had picked on his way from the training grounds to the stable. He had been training hard over the last five or so years to become something that he was sure his father would be proud of.

"Hm…allow me the opportunity to ponder this for a moment, my Dear Princess. Spend the night studying tactics used by some of the greatest generals there ever were, or come to my best friend's first birthday as a woman. I do believe that I shall be spending my time where it is needed most: with the generals of the past."

"You will most certainly not be! I command you to come to my party!"

She pursed her lips and glared at the man before her as he started to laugh. "And just what do you think is so funny?"

"You…and the way that you think you can boss me around."

"I can!" she pouted, which only made him laugh more. "I can! As your Princess, I can tell you to do whatever I want!"

"I know," he agreed, his smile spread from ear to ear. "You just never will, nor will I listen."

She stuck her tongue out at his reply, which only earned her a "Princess…start acting your age! A proper woman does not stick her tongue out at others!"

"Please do not say that," she groaned "you sound like Kaede!"

"And she is right," he replied, sobering their mood from lighthearted joking to a conversation that she had a feeling that she was not going to like.

Inuyasha bit his lip before setting the brush down and walking around Ash to sit next to her.

"Kagome…as…as much as it pains me to say this to you, you are now thirteen. You are an…adult. We…our…_relationship_…needs to change. Your father will start to receive many different offers for your hand, and your husband will not like it if we are…the way we are. Do you understand what I mean? He will not like it if you sneak out here in the middle of the day to see me in the stables, or if you want to crawl into my bed to spend the night with me. Our…our childhood is dying, Kagome. We cannot do the things we once did."

"I know," she whispered. "I do. I just…I want to hold onto our friendship for as long as possible, Yash. I do not want to get married and have lots of little monsters. I want to…to go out and explore! To see the world! To fight in battles and be the one to save the Prince. I want to keep my best friend. I do not want my future, Yash. I dread it."

He took her hand in his and gave it a tight squeeze after hearing her heartfelt confession.

"I just…I wish I could hold onto this for a bit longer. I do not want to see what we have die just yet."

"Nor do I," he whispered. "It just will have to soon. Especially when your father starts to think about whom to marry you off to."

"Please do not remind me of my impending doom! I will probably marry someone who is in their thirties, fat, ugly, and an utter slob!"

"Sounds promising."

"Says the _man_ in this kind of situation. You have it so much easier than I do!"

"_That_, my Dear, is debatable."

"Oh?"

"It is! We have to pick who we want, then we have to ask their fathers', while presenting evidence that we are worthy of them. It is not as easy as it sounds."

"It is still better than having your father come to you and say `I have decided who you will spend the rest of your life with!'"

"So…then…who would you pick if your father left it up to you?" The fifteen year old was not sure why he wanted to know. It was not really any of his concern. Sure he was best friends with her now…but like he had said before: things would change once her father chose someone for her. He had no influence over anyone.

"Hm…I am not sure, if you must know. He would have to be someone I get along with…and that I am good friends with, or could be good friends with. I do not want some man to see me as a child rearing prize. I want him to value you me. I want him to be close to my age…and he must be very, very, _very_ handsome. All three verys are a must. I do _not_ want to marry some strange forty year old virgin."

The more she sat and thought about the list of qualities she had given him, the more a certain idea seemed to take hold of her mind.

"We should get married," she decided, her voice carrying such certainty and seriousness that he did not know what to think.

"What?"

"We should get married. We are friends…I have known you for _forever_ and I know that you respect me. You would _never_ treat me like my sole purpose in life is to give you children and we get along so well…we would be perfect for each other!"

"Kagome…I…"

"Think about it, Yash. I do not want an answer now…but I do want you to just think about it."

"I will," he promised, not sure of what to make of her idea at the time. "You do realize, Kagome, that you just purposed to me, right?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Only you would purpose to a man."

She stuck her tongue out at him before getting up from her spot next to him and making her way over to the door of the stable. "I do not care what others think, Yash. You should know this by now. You will come tonight though, won't you?"

"I will," he smiled, and he kept his promise. It was not easy, but he managed to not only find something to wear, but he also managed to finish all of his work for training and in the barn. The room was beautiful when he arrived. Not a thing was out of place, and the room was expertly decorated with soft fabrics, colors, and flowers. Everything was…simply magical, just as it should be. Kagome was the Kings only child, and as such, this was the only time that he could celebrate his child coming of age.

"Inuyasha!"

The man turned to see Kagome hurtling towards him and grabbing a hold of his arm, squeezing it close to her body as she rest her head on his shoulder. He could hear the whispers around them when she did such, and he was sure that she could hear them too. She did not seem to care though. He was here and that was all that seemed to matter to her. "I am so glad that you could come here tonight," she beamed.

Inuyasha looked down at her and simply grinned. She looked like a sweet, innocent, little angel. He felt something in him ache, but he dismissed the feeling, calling it sentimentality at the time. Kagome was all grown up and it was hard to believe.

"Of course. I told you that I would…I _am_ a man of my word, silly."

"I know, I know, but still. You did sound rather convincing when you said that you wanted to spend the night studying war tactics."

"I was still thinking about doing that," he teased, "but I decided that you would be devastated if I did not show my face at least for a little while."

"You know me all too well. Come with me! I want to dance!"

Inuyasha rolled his eyes, but allowed himself to be dragged by Kagome out to the middle of the dance floor to join in the current line dance. She loved her dance with him, but unfortunately, there were other older men who wanted to dance with her. Some of them were in their twenties, others in their thirties and forties. None of them were as much fun to be with as Inuyasha though, and all the while she found herself wishing that he was the one with her.

Her mind started to wander then.

What _would_ it be like if they married? Things between them…they would not change. They could stay together as they were: as best friends. And marrying him would be so much better then wedding a man like the one that was currently holding her in their arms. He was nothing more than a fat slob, and she was sure that the only reasons he wanted to marry her was because of power, and her body. Things with Inuyasha would be so much better.

She closed her eyes and for a moment, the fat slob became Inuyasha. She started to feel her heart jump into her throat. The way this man was holding her was so much more risqué then the way Inuyasha would ever dare hold her, but with his image replacing this man's she found her heart beginning to race. She was loosing herself in Inuyasha's image as they twirled across the floor, and by the time the song had come to an end, she found herself not wanting to open her eyes.

She knew now that what she wanted more than anything else was to marry that man…her best friend. She wanted to sort of happy ending, and she could only see that happening with Inuyasha. Would…would her father allow this though? And would Inuyasha even agree to becoming her husband? He did not want power. He just wanted to be the best fighter and general that he could be to serve their country, and to make his late father proud of him. He had told her so countless times before. Would he even want to be wed to someone that would bring such power and responsibilities upon his shoulders?

Her eyes began to frantically search the crowd, looking for him. She just wanted to be close to him now. She heard someone ask her to dance, but she politely declined, claiming that she needed a moment to breath from all of the excitement when she saw Inuyasha walk out onto the balcony. She quickly followed after him, but slowed her pace when she saw her father slip out in pursuit of her friend.

What would her father want of Inuyasha? Perhaps there was another out there that he wanted to speak with?

She carefully approached the balcony and silently slipped out and behind a marble column, pressing herself against it so that she could hear what he had to say to Inuyasha.

"It is a beautiful night, would you not agree?"

Inuyasha stiffened and whirled around to find himself face to face with the leader of his country. In all of his time knowing Kagome, he had not once ever met the King. He felt complete and utter terror settle into his heart. What did he want from him?

"I…yes. It is a beautiful night, Your Majesty."

The king was silent for a moment as he studied the quivering man before him. He looked just like his late general, Taisho. Same hair, same build, same face. If he could have turned a clock back in time, he was sure that this boy would have been an exact duplicate of his father…except for those eyes. His eyes were his mother's. She was a beautiful woman…it was a shame that she died so young, but there was nothing that could be done for her.

"You look like your father."

Inuyasha furrowed his brow at the King's simple statement. "My father?"

"Mmm…Taisho. You are his son, are you not?"

"I am," he nodded. "How…can you tell? If you do not mind my asking, that is, Your Majesty."

"No no…not at all. It is in your face. And the way you carry yourself. Both in general, and on the dance floor."

Inuyasha felt his heart jump up into his throat.

"I…what…I do not…"

"Boy, what is your name?"

"In—Inuyasha, Your Majesty."

"Ah…so _you_ are the boy my daughter speaks so highly of," he calmly took in the way the boy's breath caught in his throat, but he did not waver over the way he sized him up in his mind's eye.

"Perhaps…I do not know all of the Princess's friends. Just Kaede, Koga, and myself."

"Inuyasha is not a very common name."

Inuyasha felt his cheeks heat up, but he did not divert his gaze. "I suppose not."

"I know how close you two are. She thinks that I do not…but I am very interested in my daughter's life. You two have been sloppy in covering your tracks."

"I do not understand…"

"I like you, Inuyasha. You make my daughter happy, and your line has been very dedicated to the crown. From what I have heard from your teachers, you are on the path to becoming quite the knight. I want to continue to like you, _boy_…but to do that I need you to stop doing something."

"And what is that?" Inuyasha questioned with absolutely no fear in his voice and meeting the King's gaze head on.

"I want you to stop spending nights with Kagome. I will not have you ruin her reputation. She is of the age where such a thing would tarnish her reputation…so as both a King and a father, I am demanding that you stay away from her bed."

It took everything Inuyasha had to not laugh at what the King had said. He was well aware of this, and had even spoken to Kagome about it earlier that day. The King had nothing to worry about.

"I shall, your majesty."

"Good. I expect to see great things from you, boy. Do not disappoint me."

With that he was gone, leaving Inuyasha to think about this most interesting turn of events. The King knew about his relationship with his daughter. He knew how close they were, and about how they had started sleeping together…and yet they were still alive. _He_ was still alive. He could not help but wonder how this had happened. Perhaps his love and appreciation for his father really was that deep.

Inuyasha leaned against the rail, looking down at the garden below. The flowers were beautiful. Full and colorful and exotic in a way. That garden held a spectacular life within its hands…something gorgeous and stunning. Something that needed to be stopped and recognized. That is the kind of attention it drew. It was a simple beauty, yet one that beckoned one to look at it again. It entranced you…demanded that you pay homage to it. Even in the blue light from the night and the moon it was stunning…yet when he looked at this garden, he did not see a garden. He saw a face.

Kagome.

She had started to plague his thoughts more and more. Of course she always had…but now…now she was finding a way to continuously haunt him, ghosting the corners of every though and manifesting in the most strange of situations. He did not understand what was going on with him.

"There you are," he heard the woman of his thought call out to him. "I have been looking for you all night. Where have you been?"

"Here and there…you looked relatively busy dancing with all of those thirty year olds."

"Please…do not remind me. It was one of the most horrific moments of my life."

"Come now, it could not have been that bad!"

"It was. Believe me when I so, for it truly was," she huffed, walking over to the rail next to him and taking his arm to rest her head on him, snuggling into the appendage she captured. "I would have rather spent my time with you…you are much better than those fat slobs, even on your worst days."

"Was there a complement in there?"

"Just hush and look at the garden with me. I am so tired…I just want to spend a few moments with you."

"Mm."

It was a beautiful night. Stunning, really. He had to agree with the King on this, too. He felt Kagome sigh and he shifted his gaze to the girl—woman, now—resting on his arm. She looked beautiful tonight. Her black hair shining in the moonlight, her beautiful eye blue eyes hidden beneath her eye lids. Her pale skin. Her rosy cheeks and lips…he found himself wondering what it would be like to lean in and kiss those lips…

His eyes widened in shock and he felt his heart jump up into his throat.

What was he thinking? This was Kagome! His best friend! He should not be thinking about such things…and yet…

His gaze drifted back down as she snuggled closer to him.

He could not help but feel as if…this was…right.

But she was Kagome!

But…still…

He felt his cheeks warm. There had to be something wrong with him. That was the only explanation. Kagome's talk of marriage earlier that day had to be the only reason he was thinking of this. Yet…marrying Kagome sounded…nice.

Even though he spoke this in his mind, he could not ignore the feelings he felt in his heart and in his gut, and deep in the back of his mind, he knew that he was accumulating feelings for his best friend.

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A/N: *Lyric to David Bowie's song Within You (. com/watch?v=y1-l0UNCKJM) I don't own it.

Hi all!!!! Soooo…I know that I said that I only had around 10 pages done…but…surprise? Please enjoy my LONGEST chapter EVER! 26 pages according to MY word doc. I am amazed that I got this done when I did in between speeches, papers, joining an honors society (Alpha Lambda Delta…geek not greek :-P) and Student Orientation Leader applications (which I am still doing.) Needless to say, feel loved that you are getting this as soon as you are!!!

Thanks to everyone who read…now let's see if we can up the review amounts ;-).


	3. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer**__: I love the only Inuyasha related thing I own. My cute little chibi inu key-chain which lives out its happy life on my iPod making fashion statements everywhere (Ha! Take that Parris Hilton! You want something hot? Then look at my iPod cuz it's so cute and knows how to accessorize.)_

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_To Have But Never To Hold_

_By: lil6ter_

_Everything I've Done, I've Done For You__ *_

_Chapter Two_

He loved Kagome. Inuyasha was now seventeen and he could no longer deny the fact that he was in love with her. Everything about her spoke to him and he could no longer breath without her. He was not sure when it had happened, but he knew what he felt now. He had thought that he was only having a minor crush on his friend at first, but as time when on he realized that he needed Kagome.

He sighed as the fifteen year old applied more of her special salve to his arms, back, and chest where purple bruises marred his skin. She had surprised him and decided to visit the training grounds that day, with her father's consent, of course. He thought that it would give the troops in training a moral boost if the royal family showed more interest in them. He knew that Inuyasha would be there, yet this did not seem to bother him.

Inuyasha did not know what to think of the man.

He was nice to him one day, then threatening him the next, and he had yet to commit anything to anyone regarding who Kagome should marry. He had been receiving so many different offers, yet he was not considering any of them. Kagome was fifteen now…he needed to start thinking of who she was to marry soon if he wanted for her to have a decent shot at having a good, large family. The sooner she gave the crown another heir, the better…not that he wanted this.

He was rather glad that her father seemed to be sitting on this decision. It meant that they had more time to be them…and more time for Kagome to just be herself. She had told Inuyasha several times that she was worried about the man that she would marry and about her fate to be a mother.

She was not ready yet.

There was still so much that she wanted to do…but the second she was wed she would not be able to do any of it, and they both knew that her clock was quickly running out of time.

"There! All done!" Kagome announced with pride as her fingers searched for the shirt she had practically torn off of him. They located it, but he did not put it on right away when she gave it to him. She tilted her head in silent question when she saw his lack of attempt to cloth himself.

"I am waiting for it to dry."

She nodded and started playing with the hem of her dress as her eyes caught the gleam of the necklace he had worn around his neck since she had first met him. It was a beautiful necklace and one that held so much mystery to her. Inuyasha had never once spoken about why he wore it, who it was from, why he had it…nothing. He never took it off either. Not in all the years she had known him. She admired how it looked on him though. The soft gold complimented the tan of his skin and the rather delicate chain contrasted against the hard muscle which now made up most of his body.

Inuyasha had changed dramatically over the years. He was no longer a scrawny little boy who had bruises covering his body because of a dumb bully. No…now he was a man that radiated strength and power. His body had been changed into that of a man who was ready and willing to put up a fight.

Despite the change though, she knew Inuyasha to be the same. He would always be the boy she grew up with and her best friend.

"What are you thinking about," she heard him ask her as he shifted to lean back on his arms.

"You," she replied truthfully. She brought her hand up to the necklace he wore and started to delicately trace the metal, her fingers just barely touching it almost like little butterflies, just grazing each link ever so lightly and gracefully. "Why do you wear this," she questioned softly, her fingers dancing across the pearl and jewel studded charm that hung on it. "I have never seen you without it."

He was silent for a moment as he stared at her hand traveling across the necklace he wore.

"It was my mother's." His hand came up to join Kagome's at the charm on his chain. "My father gave it to her when they were engaged. It was his gift of good will, in a way. He loved her from the moment he first saw her. He said that when she smiled, he knew that she was the one he was going to marry. He had never talked to her before, and she did not know who he was, but her father gladly gave his consent to him when he heard his status and what kind of life she would have. My mother hated him at first…she tried to do everything that she could to get him to give her back to her father, but he would not do it. Instead, he did everything that he could to make her life better with him, and one night he gave her this," he gently palmed the necklace he wore, and Kagome felt slightly envious of the loving gaze he gave it. She did not know why though, for she had no right or reason to be envious of a necklace, after all.

"He told her that he knew she hated him for what he did to her, but if she let him, and if she took the necklace, he would try his best to make her the happiest woman in the world, and that he would love her like no other. She did not take it right away…but one day he found her sitting in the garden reading with the necklace on. When she passed away…my father almost had her buried in it…but…he could not do it."

"Why not," Kagome asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

"He said that one day I would have someone I felt just as strongly for, and he wanted me to carry on the tradition and give it to her. He gave it to me just before he died. He felt that I would understand the importance of it then…and he _was_ riding off into a war. He must have had a feeling…" Inuyasha trailed off, the memory suddenly too painful. "Well…that is neither here nor there. I just wear it so that it is like there is a piece of them with me always. I always wanted a family, Kagome. You know that. Having this reminder of it just makes me feel…safe."

Her smile melted his heart then. It was so warm and understanding and full of love. He craved her smiles—needed them to survive. They were like his oxygen.

He watched her fingers glide up the chain to around his collar bone, mere millimeters away from grazing his flesh. He found himself suppressing a shiver from running down his spine at the rather close, intimate contact.

"And then…do you know who you would like to give it to, one day?"

'_Yes.'_

"No."

Kagome somehow looked like he had just stabbed her. The glowing light that was normally dancing in her eyes died as her smile dimmed. She slowly removed her hand from him, and her entire posture spoke of trying to distance herself from him. "Oh," he heard her whisper as she tucked a stray lock of hair back into place behind her ear.

Inuyasha gathered his shirt up and slipped back over his head as Kagome started rubbing her arms as if she were cold.

Somehow, he could tell that things between them had just changed ever so slightly.

"Father has been receiving more proposals for my hand." Somehow her words felt like an admission more than anything else to him.

"Oh?"

"Mm…he has not given them much consideration though. I asked him the other day if he intended on making any decisions anytime soon."

"What did he say," Inuyasha pried, secretly praying that he would never give his daughter away.

"He says that he is waiting for one proposal in particular. He claims that he has been waiting for it for years, but I do not know what to think, or who it could be from."

"Perhaps he is waiting for someone he trusts will run the country well once he is gone?"

"Perhaps…but there are those who are starting to think him foolish for waiting so long. What do you think, Yash? Do you think him a fool?"

"In a way maybe. You are no longer the brand new thirteen year old. You are fifteen now…and you are getting older by the day. Your father cannot wait too much longer to wed you or else you will become an old maid."

"That is probably what he wants. For me to stay a virgin all my life and be an old maid," she spat, wrinkling her nose in distaste. "I wish that he would give me some say in who I marry…but I know that he will not. I wish I was still that naive thirteen year old who thought it possible to purpose to a man and wed him." She said this mostly to herself, but he still heard her all the same.

He had never accepted nor rejected her proposition. At the time he had not thought her to be serious…but now he could see that she was. Very much so.

Inuyasha reached over and grabbed a thin piece of leather to tie his long black hair back into a ponytail. He could feel Kagome's gaze watching his every move, and he felt slightly unnerved.

"We should…get going. They are going to serve supper soon and we do not want to be late," he whispered, reaching out his hand to help Kagome stand after he himself was already on his feet. She nodded and accepted his hand, their moods both now darkened by their future and their innocent conversations.

Supper was a quite affair for them. They were too lost in their own thoughts to make much sense of what was going on around them or to try and make conversation with each other. Unfortunately for Kagome, she was a Princess, and as such, she had to talk to many different people. Inuyasha could feel his eyes growing heavy, however, so Kagome either had to wrap it up, or someone else would have to walk her back to her quarters.

He gave it another ten minutes before approaching her and whispering in her ear that he needed sleep and asked her what she would like him to do.

"Go on without me," she softly relied…and so he did. He left her and with one last glance behind, made his way to his room. He stripped out of his shirt and contemplated leaving his pants on but quickly decided against it, completely undressing until he was left in only his very last undergarment.

Sighing, he collapsed on bed and quickly found himself surrounded by the welcomed darkness of sleep.

He almost wished he never woke up.

It was in the middle of the night when he first felt it. It was something moving next to him. He did not completely register the movement in his half asleep state, but he knew something was there. His body quickly went into solider mode, and when he had pinpointed the exact location of the foreign movement, he pounced. The startled shriek of a woman had not been quite what he was expecting and it quickly snapped whatever parts of him were still asleep awake.

His hands searched out the girl's mouth and clamped down over it. He did not need his superiors running in to find him nearly naked and on top of a woman. That spelled Trouble with a capital T.

"Shhh…" he hushed. "I will not hurt you, I promise." His arm was searching for a light out to his side, but it was hard to find without rays from the moon to help him. Finally, he found it and lit it. When he saw the woman he was pinning down, he nearly fainted.

"Kagome…what are you doing here?" he sharply demanded, removing his hand from her mouth as he helped her into a sitting position. She knew better than to come into his room. She knew that if he were caught with her…like this…what was she _thinking?_ _And where were his pants?_

"I…I was lonely."

"So you decided to come here, even though you have spent _countless_ nights on your own before?"

"Not here I have not! I could not sleep with the fact that there are so many boys here…I just…I was worried. What if one of them…tried something?"

She did not need to say more. He could tell from her eyes and from her tone that she was frightened. He sighed and rubbed his face. If he were to let her stay here, and if he were to be found to have kept her here, he would be expelled from the program. If she stayed on her own, in her room, by herself, and someone were to try something? He did not know which was the lesser of two evils: the destruction of his greatest dream next to having a family and a place to belong, or the destruction of the innocence of his best friend.

He prayed that come dawn he would not regret his decision.

"Fine…but at least let me put some pants on first," he mumbled, slightly amused but still embarrassed by the way Kagome's eyes drifted to his lap and widened. When she had decided to crawl into bed with him, she had thought that he would at least be…more clothed then he was at the present moment. She scrambled away from him as fast as she could before covering her eyes with her hands and a blush staining her cheeks. She felt Inuyasha get off of the bed, and curiosity got the better of her. She spread her fingers ever so slightly, and what she saw only made the fifteen year old blush even more.

When she felt him crawl back into bed, she uncovered her eyes and gave him a shy look.

"What?"

"I peeked," she admitted. She knew that she would have a horribly guilty conscience the next day if she did not tell him, so she decided to just simply be honest with him.

He blushed a little, but did not pursue the issue, nor did he berate her for it.

Instead, he gave a barely discernable "Are you comin'?" and she could not help but smile with relief. He laid down with his right arm to his side, and his left arm under his head. Kagome took in his position and crawled over to him after thinking about the best way to position herself around him. Ultimately, she had come to the conclusion that settling herself around him would be too difficult, so instead she simply settled partially on top of him, and partially off to the side. She gently placed her head on his chest, and her arms around his torso so that she would be lovingly holding him while they slept. She felt a delighted shiver run up her spine at his surprised gasp. She knew that he was thinking the same thing she was: that it felt good to rest like this again. They had not slept together in two years…not since she was thirteen.

Everything was the same…yet so different at the same time. The innocence that was once there was now gone. They were no longer two children who kept each other company at night. Now they were two adults, and there were so many implications for what they were doing. Inuyasha's skin scorched her everywhere they touched. This was not how it was before. Before they were just two children…but now…as two adults…

"G—good night, Kagome," Inuyasha stuttered, his hand reaching out for the light.

"Good night, Yash."

And with that, he extinguished the light and they were covered by darkness.

This only made things worse for Kagome, intensifying the situation and the emotions flowing through her veins. She could hear his heart beat. The strength and power behind it sent shivers up her spine. She was listening to the very existence of Inuyasha. Without the beating of this one organ, he would not be here. This is what gave him life. This is what let him live and breathe and thrive. The swaying of his chest from his lungs, the thumping of his heart…life. Life was precious. It was a delicate entity that could be stopped at any moment, and she was embraced within Inuyasha's arms, close to his life.

She found herself wanting more of that life. It was no longer enough to just be held in his arms…no…she wanted more than that. She wanted to taste his life—to experience it. She wanted to consume part of what made him live and take part of him into herself. She did not know what tomorrow would bring—no one did. But she wanted to hold a bit of his life...to experience a bit of him before that heart beat stopped.

She could feel herself almost shaking as she tentatively tested the waters. She started to gently rub her thumb in strokes ever so light against the flesh of his chest. She heard him deeply inhale, but he made no move to stop her. It felt good to rub his hot flesh. So, so very good. She felt her confidence increase when after a few moments of her strokes he had still not made a move. She grow bolder. She started to slid her hand from where it rest to the right, curious as to what she would find, if anything.

His skin was so soft and smooth. So hot and scorching. She could not stop herself from continuing to move her hand all over his chest. She paused when she came to something that had a different texture…it was bumpy. She could feel a larger bump when she continued onward. It was an odd part of his body, and she had no idea what it was. She had seen him shirtless before and his skin was mostly the same, except for…

Her eyes widened and her cheeks lit up.

She knew what it was now.

His hand came up to grasp her own and moved it away from what she was now touching and into more neutral territory.

"This is why," she heard his hoarse voice begin, startling her and destroying the silence brought on by the night "people our age should not be doing what we are. Good night Kagome. _Sleep_."

"Good…night, then."

It should have been silent then. It was supposed to be silent, but it was not. She could still hear his heart. Every beat. Every pulse. She heard it, and because of this, she could not sleep.

"Are you not…curious?" she softly asked after a moment.

"Kagome—"

"Are you not curious? At least not a little?"

She could feel him sigh and felt his upper body shift as he moved his arm to rub his eyes.

"Even if I am—"

That was all Kagome needed to launch herself onto him and pin him in place, disregarding the 'oof' she heard from below. She gently reached her hand up and started delicately tracing his features.

She could feel the heat of his reddening face under her hand and the smooth slopes created by his cheek bones. She wanted to press her lips against his cheek. Taste his flesh. What would he taste like? What would it be like to nip at it? To feel his skin with her lips? She moved her hand up and to the left. She could feel his nose in the darkness. The distinguished sharp lines created by bone and cartilage. Her hand glided off the tip of his nose to his lips. They were full and round. She brushed her thumb against them and found his lips to be slightly parted. His skin there felt so soft…so tempting…

"I am curious, Inuyasha. I want to know what it is like to touch someone I care about at least once before father weds me." She leaned down until her lips were just a breath away. "Will you let me?"

She was anxious for his answer. She wanted this. She wanted to know what it would be like to kiss someone…and…she wanted to give her first kiss to someone special. There was no one more special in her life than Inuyasha. He was the perfect person, and the only one deserving of it, in her opinion.

Inuyasha felt the same way. He wanted so much from her. He wanted to hold her and love her and keep her with him always even though he knew that he could not. Perhaps that is what was so appealing to him about the night. Beneath its dark mask people could do whatever they wanted and not fear the consequences come dawn. It was like an intoxicating drug. It gave you the power and confidence to do what you wished. Even so, he was reluctant to say yes. He wanted this. He wanted it so much. He could not put what he felt first, however. Or perhaps he could.

If he were to not put his feelings first and worry about his country, he would not do it. She should be reserved in every way for her husband. By taking this one small part from her, he was also taking this one small thing from her husband.

If he were to put himself first, he would not do it because he would want more. He would either want to continue what she had started and go further, or he would want to keep her with him forever and always after tonight. Yes, he admitted that he wanted to do that in any case, but things would change.

Everything would change.

"Inuyasha…may I? I want to. Very much so. Will you allow it?"

He bit the inside of his cheek and said a silent prayer.

"Yes."

He felt her one hand move away from his lips and back over to his cheek, while her other hand slid up from his side and across his chest. He could feel it graze his neck and finally cup his cheek. He held his breath when warm air ghosted over his skin. His heart started to race and his breath caught in his throat. The suspense of her hanging over him was slowly killing him. He wanted to just reach up and pull her down, but he had agreed to doing this her way, essentially.

It seemed like forever before her lips gently pressed against his own. It was chaste and timid and done with before he could blink, but he felt that spark all the same. There was something magical that had just happened. Something that he knew would bind him to her for the rest of his days. She removed herself from his upper body before her actions could register in his mind.

She did not disturb him again that night.

In the morning, his life changed forever. Someone had seen Kagome leaving his room, after searching for her all night when noticing that she had gone missing.

He was kicked out of the program.

He remembered returning to his room and lethargically packing up his things. Nothing seemed to register to him. All he knew was that his dream—the thing that he had been working towards for the last eight years—was gone. He had nothing now.

No family.

No profession.

No place to live.

No place to belong.

He was nothing.

Kagome tried to come see him as he was packing his things, but he just could not bear the thought of seeing her then. It was partially her fault that he was in this position now.

Was it fair to blame her?

He did not know. He just knew that now, because he had agreed to let her stay with him that one night, he would be faced with consequences far beyond any he had ever thought that he would have to face.

When he left, he did not know where to go. He was not welcome anywhere, and he had nothing in his name. He could not go and seek to gain the help of the King. He had made it very clear that if he were to ever spend the night with Kagome again, he would have his head. He could not go to his old home for it had been claimed in lieu of not being able to pay any more taxes. He knew that his old teacher would not take him in either.

There was only one thing he could do now: go to the stables and continue on as he had in the past looking over Ash.

Kagome knew that he was there now. She had seen him there all the time, hiding from behind objects. She knew that he knew that she was there too. He just never approached her about it, and she was a coward.

She felt horrible for what she had done to him. She had started to cry herself to sleep. Not only had she killed her best friend's dream, she had also destroyed her relationship with him in every possible way. He would not talk to her now nor would he look at her. She did not know if it was because of what they did that night, or if it was because of the anger he felt because that night had happened.

Her reputation was suffering too.

Word of that night had spread far and wide like wild fire. She was sure that people were speaking words other then how risqué she was. She would almost be willing to say that they were now calling her a whore.

She did not care though. All she wanted, more than anything in the world, was to have her best friend back. She hated hiding from him, knowing that when she saw him next he would either remain silent, or yell at her for what she had done and what she had caused him.

Did he not understand though? She was suffering to. She needed him back in her life. She could not see herself without him there.

She bit her lips as she stared at him brushing Ash. She needed to do something. She needed him back, and the only way that was ever going to happen was if she went and talked to him. She took a deep breath and slowly started to approach him. She felt her blood speed up in apprehension while her heart ached to be with him again. He was humming to himself again.

She knew the tune. It was hard to not. He played it whenever he could. It was his all time favorite song. He seemed to be lost in both the tune and the brush strokes, however. The back and forth motion of his hand, the feel of the horse. The utterly perfect rhythm of the action seemed to have put him in a trance. Or perhaps he had allowed himself to be put into this trance. because of the stress of late.

Slowly, she started to approach him, tentatively testing the ground with each step, almost afraid that he would hear her and run away like a frightened rabbit.

"Hey," she whispered softly, gently touching his arm.

He stopped humming and stiffened, but made no attempt to stop what he was doing.

"How…have you been lately? I have not seen you around."

Again, he was silent.

"Inuyasha…please…say something to me."

"I have nothing to say, Kagome. What is done is done. There is nothing that can change what happened. I have been expelled from the program. There is nothing anyone can do now to get that back for me. You cannot, you're father cannot, not even God can. Even if someone could get it back for me, I would never be looked at the same way. No one would respect me, and everyone would attribute my success to what was done for me and not on my own merit. It. Is. Over."

She was wrong…he was more than furious. He held the pits of hell's wrath in his heart now.

"Inuyasha, I am so, so, so sorry. I—"

"Am not the only one who is sorry. I wish…there are certain parts of that night that I would redo, Kagome. I would redo them in a heartbeat."

"Which…parts?" she asked so quietly that he almost wondered if he were hearing things.

He put down his brush and walked over to the bench that they had shared so many heartfelt conversations in the past. He sat down with his neck bent, facing his lap and refuses to move it to look at her as she sat next to him. Instead, he just kept his eyes down and his emotions in check.

"I knew what I was doing when I said that you could spend the night. I had seen the looks some of the men had given you that day, and I could understand your fear. I chose to protect you over protecting my dreams. You cannot blame yourself for that, for it is in truth as much your fault as it is mine. Can I see myself blaming you? Perhaps…and perhaps I will sometimes, but I need to understand that what I did by saying you could stay rests solely with me. It is my fault for not sending you away, and so I should not regret that part of the night."

"Then…which part do you regret?" She was not even sure that she wanted to know. The part that he was implying he regretted she knew she would never feel the same as him towards. She cherished that kiss, and treasured the fact that he was her first kiss.

"We…took things to far that night."

She felt her world crumble around her with that one sentence. He regretted kissing her.

"We should have never acted that familiar, Kagome. I took something from both you and whoever your husband will be one day. He deserved the right to have your first kiss. Not me. I have nothing now but this lowly job. I am nothing. I do not deserve the honor of having your first kiss. My mind was clouded in that respect that night, and if I had been thinking clearly, I would have never taken that from you."

Kagome knew that if someone were to cut her open then, and look for her heart, all they would find was a fine, powdered dust where it used to live. He had done more than just crush her: he had completely demolished her. It was becoming harder for her to breath, and it suddenly felt like that powdered dust had caught in her throat.

"You make regret it, Inuyasha," she bit out, feeling tears welling up in the corners of her eyes, "but I do not. I never will. You should know me well enough to know that I never do things such as this unless if I truly want to, and you must trust me when I say that I truly wanted to. How dare you disregard this? I know that you felt the connection as much as I when we kissed and you have no right to dispute that! You say that my first kiss should have been left for my husband? Well who is to say that he cannot be you? I proposed to you, did I not? You could marry me, could you not? You have every right to what happened as whatever God forsaken man my father decides to get rid of me to! All you have to do is accept it and ask my father."

"You think that I would not like to? I have _nothing_ to offer!"

"You have yourself to offer! Should that not be enough?"

"When is it ever?" he laughed bitterly. "Your father will never marry you off to a stable boy!"

"You will never know unless you ask him!"

His grim chuckle startled her. What on earth was wrong with him?

"That will never happen, Kagome. I have been thinking of leaving."

"Leaving?" She did not like where this was going. Where would he go? When would she see him again? _Would_ she see him again?

"I think that I should distance myself from you. I am hurting you and your reputation…and I fear that we have grown too close."

"We are best friends!"

"What we did should not happen between friends! Even best friends!"

He was quite literally killing pieces of her being.

"I am sorry, Kagome, but I want to leave, and I plan on doing so when I get enough money."

"When…will you be back."

His silence. She did not want his silence.

"You will be back, right?"

Once again, he said nothing.

"Inuyasha, tell me you do not plan on going away for forever."

"I do not know. I…am not planning on coming back."

She looked up at him, her eyes wide and horrified…and then she ran. She ran and ran and ran and did not stop. How could he do this? How could he leave? His dream was dead…she could understand that. But to leave because they were now too close? He was her best friend! She grew up with him! How could he leave her! Yes…she had kissed him, but why was he making such a big deal out of this? How could he disregard everything just because they had briefly crossed that line? She needed him. She could not live without him. How could he? _How could he?_

She slowed down and found herself in her room, the safest place she had ever been in, save for Inuyasha's arms.

She fell down on her knees and started crying. She felt betrayed and like everything she and Inuyasha had ever done together was a lie. Their friendship was a lie if he were willing to give it up so quickly because of this.

She just had to sit there for a while and cry everything out. She needed to figure out her emotions.

Anger.

Depression.

Sorrow.

Spite.

Confusion.

Understanding.

Heartbreak.

Love.

Fear.

Need.

She felt all of them clear as day, and she was worried. She wanted him to stay here. She wanted him to marry her. She wanted to bear his children and be with him always. She did not know when she had started mean her proposal to him, but somewhere along the line over the last two years she had grown to love him in ways she never thought possible. She did not want him to leave…and she did not want him to over react about this kiss.

She took deep, calming breaths, and slowly her mind started to clear like the sky after rain.

These things…they were what _she_ wanted. Not what Inuyasha wanted. If she loved him as much as she said she did, would she not think about what he wanted as well?

She should, and so she did. Only one thing constantly came up, however, and that was his need to leave this place. He wanted to leave for God only knew how long, and that look in his eyes told her that he was hell bent on doing so. She could not stop him, and that thought pained her. It would take him forever though to earn enough to leave this place just looking after Ash.

A sob escaped her throat. She knew what she had to do. Did she want to do it? No. But she still would.

She rose from her knees, and with a trembling hand, she gathered up her gold and her jewels and anything of value. She carefully put them in a basket, and then slowly, she walked to the door and turned the knob, only to find Inuyasha on the other side.

"Kagome," he breathed, air catching in his lungs when he saw the dried tear tracks, red cheeks, and red eyes.

"Here," she bit out, thrusting the basket into his arms.

"What is this?"

"It is exactly what you need to leave this place. If you want to go and to throw our entire friendship away because of a kiss, then so be it. I will give you all that you need."

He stared blankly at her, seemingly not understanding what she wanted him to do.

"Take it!"

She shoved the basket at his body and slammed the door in his face, only to break down crying again. Damn him…and damn his hold over her. And damn him for wanting to leave. And damn her for loving a man that did not want to fight for her.

Damn everything!

Inuyasha's hands were shaking. He had never expected Kagome to actually give him this. He was tempted to take what she had given him. He was…but he would not. He did not think that it would be wise to go in and talk to her now, no matter how much he wanted to try and calm her sobs. She needed a moment by herself—without him.

He left her then, and instead went in search of Kaede. She would be able put everything back where it belonged.

His mind wandered with him as he wandered the halls in search of Kaede.

Knew that she would react poorly when she found out that he wanted to leave. He knew that—yet he still told her what he was leaving. He honestly believed that it would be better for the two of them if he just…disappeared. And all because he had agreed to let her kiss him. He _never_ should have done that. They crossed the line, and now, in his mind, there was no going back. Especially since now everything that he ever knew had changed and his dream was gone.

He knocked on the door leading into her room and waited for her to open it.

"Who is it," he could hear her call out and walk to the door.

"It is Inuyasha."

The movement on the other side stopped.

"I need to give you something."

"Is that all?"

"We…need to talk to. About Kagome."

"I should hope so," she bit out, throwing the door open and startling him. "Get in here. Now."

He knew not to disobey that tone.

"What did you want to give me?"

"This," he thrust the basket into her open arms. "Kagome gave this to me because she knows…she knows that I am going to leave."

All of the animosity seemed to disappear from Kaede in that one moment.

"Leave? You…are leaving?"

"Yes."

"Where are you going? For how long?"

"I do not know."

"And you will be leaving when?"

"The second I get enough from the stables."

She nodded her head as if coming to a grim conclusion. Apparently, she had. "You, sir, are a coward and an ass."

He felt like she had just slapped him in the face with her words. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me. You are a coward. How could you do this to her? You ruin her reputation—"

"—Now wait a minute here—"

"—You kiss her—"

"—She kissed me!"

"—And now you want to leave?"

"To protect her from me!"

"How are you protecting her from you by leaving?"

"It is because I kissed her that I should leave!" he could feel his throat start to constrict. "When we kissed…I felt something that should have never been there. The King will marry her off to someone, and we cannot feel for each other the way we do!"

"So your solution is to leave."

"_Yes_…my solution is to leave. If I leave…I will not be here to love. Neither of us will love."

Her eyes softened and she nodded in understanding. She did not think that it would help the situation, however. She would know…she had come to love Inuyasha just as much as and in the same way as Kagome did.

"I will give this back to her."

"Thank you, Kaede."

"Stay here," she commanded, and he nodded in consent, sighing when the door had closed all the way.

What had his life turned into?

His dream? Gone.

His friendship with Kagome? Destroyed.

His place to belong? Demolished.

He slumped down in a chair at Kaede's desk and started rubbing his eyes.

God…what had his life tuned into?

And worst of all…why did he feel like it was all his fault?

He would have given anything to go back to when he was fourteen and Kagome was twelve. Things were so much simpler then.

He stopped rubbing his eyes and allowed his vision to focus on a book Kaede kept on her desk. It was open and filled with feminine cursive. Was this...her diary? His fingers twitched. He really wanted to go through that book, even if he knew it was wrong. His fingers twitched again. Kaede would kill him if she ever found out that he went through it. His fingers twitched again. It was an invasion of privacy and he had no right to look at—was that his name?

He grabbed the book and skimmed through it until he found the beginning of the page, marking it today's date. The beginning was rather boring and he skipped over most of it. Then he came to parts with more intrigue.

Like Kagome.

And how Kagome was feeling.

And how he had hurt Kagome.

'…_she could have not heard what they said behind her back. They whispered it loud enough. I do not know how she can submit to this treatment! I know that she must as the princess, but even _I _would want to slap them for calling me a whore. I know that she must feel the sting of their words, especially since she told me that she is still a virgin! Oh Kagome…what have you done? Why did you do it? How can I even think to blame you when I know that I would have sought comfort in him had our positions been reversed? If our positions had been reversed…had he ever looked at me in the light he gazes at you in…I dare say that I may not have stopped with just a kiss upon my lips._

_The King is furious, though. I fear for Inuyasha almost as much as I fear for Kagome…or perhaps I fear more for him. He has been lucky thus far. Kagome has stopped him from issuing a warrant for his death many different times, but I fear what will happen if she cannot in the future. _

_I can almost see the gallows now. Or perhaps he will choose to behead him? I cannot stand the thought of it! His head rolling around on the floor and his beautiful hair stained with his blood…no. We need to do everything in our power to prevent both of these problems. Kagome's name from being further tarnished, and Inuyasha…oh how my heart would break if something were to happen to him!_

_I fear I have grown to love him too much, diary. I envy Kagome every day, and not because of her beauty or power or wealth or status. I envy her because whenever Inuyasha would come here, he would never look for me. He would look for her. He would want to spend time with her while I watched over them. I wished countless times before when he spent the night here that I would be the one next to him as he slept. I love the way his eyes shine in bright, dim, dusk, and moon light. I have to stop myself from kissing the corner of his lips whenever he smirks. Sometimes, I truly wish I were her…just so that I can be closer to him._

_How long have I let these feelings grow, diary? How can I let myself love him? Why do I—'_

He put the book down.

He had seen enough.

***

Life between Kagome and Inuyasha quickly became tense after that day. She was well aware of the fact that he wanted to leave, yet he had rejected her offer to help him achieve this new goal of his. She was still heartbroken, and shocked, that she was part of the reason he wanted to leave.

They had shared one kiss. One single, quick, loving, timid, electrifying kiss. One that she had secretly been replaying in her mind over and over and over again, remembering the way he had felt below her and the sensation of his warm, smooth, hard chest beneath her hand. The way his breath caught ever so slightly when she finally pressed her lips against his…

But how could he be willing to leave their almost eight years of friendship over that?

He was reacting too strongly.

Inuyasha on the other hand knew that while his actions may seem rash, what he was going to do was for the best. His friendship with Kagome was ruined on so many different levels.

He could never look her in the eye again because of that kiss…and…now his love for her seemed stronger than ever. He did not need for his love to be this strong—strong enough that he could almost taste it.

His feelings towards Kaede had changed too.

She was no longer Kagome's primary care giver. Now, she was a woman. A woman who had seen great pain in the world. Her fiancé he died in the same war his father had been killed in. She had never found another, and now, the twenty one year old had taken more than just a liking to him. Her feelings for him were almost as strong as his feelings for Kagome.

So now, because of that blasted diary, he had an interesting question that he now had to answer: would he act on Kaede's feelings and at least court her?

She was an attractive woman. Not beautiful like Kagome…no one could ever be as beautiful as Kagome though. She was like God's greatest piece of art…taking months to carefully and skillfully craft her into what she is: the most beautiful woman in the world. If Helen's face could have launched a thousand ships, Kagome would have launched a million ships.

No…Kaede was no Kagome. Not by a long shot.

She was, however, still an attractive woman.

And she was kind at that. Kaede had helped care for him when he was still young. She had also helped Kagome smuggled him into the castle more times than he could count, and had snuck him food from the kitchens when he spent the night. She had sewn up his clothing when he had gotten holes in it, and had made him new when his old became to raggedy.

Kaede was a good woman. One that any man would be proud to call his wife.

Why was reluctant to broach the subject of a courtship with her then?

'_Because you love Kagome_,' his subconscious whispered.

He did love Kagome…but he had to let her go for her own good. If he loved her, he would let her go, and oh how he loved her!

Oh how tangled and complicated their lives had become! And all in a matter of a few short weeks.

Inuyasha gave Ash another pat on his romp and sat down on the bench he had told Kagome he was leaving on, cradling his head in his hands as his elbows dug into his knees.

He was doing all of this for Kagome…but…did he not have a right to be happy as well? Did he not deserve a chance at happiness with someone? Why did he have to be alone all his life? Should he not have a family and a wife and a home?

Kaede loved him, and while he did not hold the same feelings for her, he could grow to love her. Anything was possible, after all.

He nodded his head having come to a decision. He would court Kaede. Maybe…maybe he would even ask her to come with him when he left. He was still determined to leave, no matter what.

The idea had taken root in his mind, and there was no letting go of it now. He wanted to see the world, and if he had a woman at his side, all the better. If he fell in love along the way, then so be it.

***

"There…all set for bed."

Kaede put down the brush she had been brushing Kagome's hair with, and smoothed out her skirts, glancing out the window to gage the time. She had perhaps another two hours before she would go to meet with Inyasha.

"You seem rather eager to send me off to bed tonight, Kaede. Is there a reason for this?"

"No…none at all. Well, you are all set, so I should leave you now."

"Oh? Normally we talk around now. You have not been very talkative lately. I almost feel as if there is something you are keeping from me. Is there?"

Kaede had to find her best neutral face and put it on.

"There is nothing, My Lady. I am simply feeling ill tonight."

Kagome nodded her head in understanding.

"Alright then. You should go and rest up. Feel better, Kaede."

"Good night, Kagome," she smiled, almost running out the door. She had much to do if she wanted to look presentable for Inuyasha. She did run down to her room though, slamming the door behind her and scrambled out of her clothes and into the dress she had been taking great care of for the last week since Inuyasha had approached her. She quickly pulled her now very messy hair down and glanced out the window. She did not have time to redo it. She would just have to wear it down and in waves. She grabbed a light cape and was gone.

She could not help but smile, she saw him standing under the tree by the well with his hands in his pockets.

She had a good feeling about tonight.

She just prayed that Kagome could forgive her one day.

* * *

A/N: *Lyric to David Bowie's song Within You (. com/watch?v=y1-l0UNCKJM) I don't own it.

Alright…1: Don't kill me. 2: Don't kill me. 3: Don't kill me. 4: There will be a minor Inuyasha X Kaede streak, but it IS an Inuyasha X Kagome story. Please remember the prologue or the first chapter. These last two chapters have just been flash backs5: Don't kill me…exams are coming up and I feel the pressure, so no updates for a while. 6: I needed to get him kicked out, and you will eventually see why.

I didn't edit this chapter…Sorry…but I wanted to get this up ASAP!

IMPORTANT: There is a 79% chance of citrus in the next chapter. If there is indeed citrus, then the title will look like this I Move The Stars For No One (CITRUS)…or something like that. I do recommend reading the chapter, but you can skip over that part, which will also be marked by ~*~ at the beginning and end of that segment.

No guarantees on when I can post next…but I will try to get something done ASAP!

Thanks to the VERY few who have red and reviewed! I would REALLY appreciate it if we could up the ante on that :)

Now for the AR!!

To: TJam

Aw...thanks! I tried to get this up as soon as I could! Thanks so much for the review!!!


	4. Chapter 3

_**Disclaimer**__: I love the only Inuyasha related thing I own. My cute little chibi inu key-chain which lives out its happy life on my iPod making fashion statements everywhere (Ha! Take that Parris Hilton! You want something hot? Then look at my iPod cuz it's so cute and knows how to accessorize.)_

_To Have But Never To Hold_

_By: lil6ter_

_I Move The Stars For No One*_

_Chapter Three_

The months passed and Inuyasha and Kaede would continue to see each other in secret. Kaede felt herself growing closer and closer to him, and all the while she wished that it would not stop. She did not want to give this up.

Things were slowly healing between both Inuyasha and Kagome, and she was worried. She knew how it sounded, but once things had completely healed, they would no longer be with each other. She could just tell. He was deeply committed to Kagome. He had always been, and just because things were suddenly strained between them did not mean that this commitment, and his feelings, would suddenly disappear overnight.

Kaede sighed against Inuyasha's shoulder. She had snuck out see him at the tree by the well once again. It had become their spot. The place that they went when they wanted to meet up, not that there was ever a time that she did not want to see him. She had started to find herself looking longingly at the tree during the day, waiting for the darkness of night to come and mask her meetings with him.

She loved coming to see him, and she loved their budding relationship. They were growing…closer. That was something that she absolutely loved. They could lean on each other's arms, or let their fingers graze ever so slightly and not feel like it was wrong. She felt a shock of electricity run up her arms and penetrate into her pulse every time. She still blushed and looked off to the side now and then, but he seemed perfectly fine with the contact.

They were growing bolder, too. The night before, she had pushed his hair away from his face to behind his ear. She would have almost died then and there if she did not think that she this simple action was a simple testament as to how far their relationship had come in this short a time span. The fact that he allowed this spoke volumes to her.

Oh how she loved this man!

And that was exactly why she wanted to talk to him on this night.

He was still planning to leave. She just knew it. He was a stubborn boy, and a stubborn man. When he set his mind to something, there was no persuading him otherwise. She knew because of this that he was still going to leave, then.

Yes, the conversation had seemed to disappear, but she knew that really it had been slid off to the side, waiting ever so patiently for just the right moment to prance back into their lives like a smug cat after catching the canary.

She wanted to talk to him about his feelings on leaving…or rather…where that would leave them once he left. She loved him, yes, but that did not mean that she would allow him to use her as his play thing. She deserved to be loved and respected and taken seriously. If he were serious about their relationship, then they needed to talk about their future when the time came that he would leave.

"It is a beautiful night," he whispered, his head tilted ever so slightly in the direction of the stars above."

He could not help but feel captured by the beauty of the star's shine. It was bright and glowing and stood out against the blackness of the sky. They reminded him of a dress that Kagome had.

It was one of her more…risqué…dresses. It was black and deep navy blue, and covered with hundreds of sparking gems, much like the sky above. She liked to wear a pearl necklace with it too. He knew every fold of that dress almost as well as he knew the sky above.

The way it billowed at her hips into long sweeping skirts. The way the upper body fabric clung to her torso, and deep, plunging neckline. The fabric there clung to her every curve, and the pearl necklace she wore…the pearls cascaded down her neck and past her collar bone, drawing the eye to past it to the flesh of her chest. He knew that he was almost blushing at the thought of how her corset pushed her breasts up and together, creating the perfect shelf for the pearls to rest upon.

Beautiful.

She was so, so beautiful. He could almost cry. He had a chance to be with her, and he had destroyed it beyond any form of recognition. If he had only stayed in the program and became a great warrior.

If only…

Then he would have been able to be the one to remove her from that dress. To kiss her along that neck. Taste that collar bone. Rest his head upon what only the pearls could.

He mentally shook his head to dispel the image.

What was he thinking? He had no right to lust after her like this. Not Kagome…not now. He felt a lump forming in his throat as he gazed at the sky.

The night was a beautiful night…but only because it reminded him of her.

"It is," Kaede agreed, bringing him from his thoughts. He was glad. What he was doing was wrong. "Have you ever wondered how many stars are in the sky before, Inuyasha?"

"I have…I cannot begin to imagine though. They are so beautiful."

"They are," she whispered as she felt him pulling his arm away from her grasp, only to wrap it around her body. She felt her cheeks light up, but snuggled in closer to his torso, resting her head on his shoulder and her hand on his collar bone. She gazed up at him then.

She did not care about the stars. Not really. She did not think that they were beautiful. Not like he was. He was her God, and to her, he was more handsome then even the brightest star. She would wish upon him, not the stars. She would watch him, not the stars. So long as he were here, she would never need them.

But how long would she have him for if he was planning on leaving?

"I wonder if all the stars look the same," she pondered, attempting to angle the conversation into a more important one.

"Silly woman, of course they do! Why would they not?"

"I am not sure…I was just thinking that maybe the stars looked different in different parts of the world."

"I am sure that they do not," he laughed gently. Why did it matter what the stars looked like in other parts of the world? They had these stars. That is all they need.

"But how do you know?" she pressed.

Why was she so persistent with this tonight?

"I do not know. I am making an assumption, Kaede. Why are you asking this?"

She felt her breath catch and her heart started to race. It was now or never.

"I was just curious. I was thinking that…one day…I would like to see all of the stars for myself. From in different parts of the world."

"Oh? And how do you think that you will accomplish this?"

Now.

Do it now.

"I would like to go with you, Inuyasha."

"I beg your pardon?"

How did they go from having a conversation about stars, to her going someplace with him?

"When you leave," she started tentatively, "I would like to go with you."

"Kaede…I—"

"No! Let me finish! I know that you are still planning on leaving. You are not one to just ponder something like that without truly meaning it. I care for you Inuyasha. I care for you deeply…perhaps more for you than I should. I cannot bear the thought of you leaving me and never coming back…not unless you are not serious about this relationship. If you are serious about me, then when you leave, I want for you to take me with you. If you are not, then end what we have started now."

"Kaede...I—"

"Do not tell me now!" she cut off. "Think about it. Please. I just felt that you should know how I feel…but…please do tell me as soon as you can."

Inuyasha chuckled at her and pulled her closer to his body. "I cannot tell you now even if I wanted to. You will not let me get a word in edge wise."

She blushed against him at that.

"I am sorry…I just…I needed to say it before I lost my nerve, and I was certain that the moment you were to open your mouth, my resolve would crumble."

"I see…well, it is a good thing, then, that you are so talented at cutting one off before they are able to say something."

"I suppose so," she smiled, suddenly feeling better now that she had said her piece. It felt like a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders, and oh how she enjoyed it.

A comfortable silence fell over them, and for a time they were content to simply sit there and say nothing.

Inuyasha's mind ran wild then.

He had always known that one day they would have a conversation similar to this. He had just never thought that it would be so soon.

Kaede was no Kagome, but she _was_ special to him. She was the first woman that he had ever courted before. She may not be the first woman that he ever loved, but courting stood for something, and he was sure that if he were to take Kaede with him, he would one day love her.

He leaned his head back and yawned, snapping Kaede's attention back to him.

"Tired?"

"Mmm…yes," he teased. "It _is_ rather late, if you have not noticed."

"I have. We should get you to bed."

"I will walk you back to your room." She looked like she was about to argue with him, but he gently placed a finger upon her lips and whispered, "I insist. I will not be able to sleep well not knowing if you made it back safe or not."

She nodded her head, despite the fact that she would have been happier getting the man back to his own room first. He _did_ look absolutely _exhausted_.

They slowly made their way from the secluded and rather comfortable place at the tree to her room. He leaned down and kissed her sweetly on the lips and pulled away so that he could leave, but she caught his arm before he could disappear. He stared down at her grip on him before raising his gaze to meet hers and lifting a brow in silent question.

"Why…why not stay the night? You look like you are going to pass out at any given moment, and I will not be able to sleep knowing that you may not make it back to your quarters in one piece."

She watched him as he raised his other brow in utter surprise. She knew that she was being bold, yes. But she also knew that he was used to spending the night with women…or at least Kagome…and so she knew that he was perfectly trust worthy to share a bed with. She bit her lip as she watched him silently think about what to do.

"Please," she whispered. "For me?"

His eyes softened at her plead, and so he consented. He felt himself being pulled into her room and heard the door close ever so gently behind him, locking him in. Her hands moved up to his shirts and started to pull each one off of him until his chest was bare. She wanted to run her palms up and down him, but she could not. They were not that familiar with each other. She folded up his shirts and rest them on her desk.

"Would you…like me to fold up your pants, or would you like to sleep in them?" she asked, her cheeks heating from her question.

"I can sleep in them," he replied, smiling in an attempt to make the situation a bit less…strange. He threw out the little voice in the back of his head that was screaming at him, telling him that this was wrong. That he should only do something this treasured with Kagome. He told that voice that he could not do this with Kagome any more, and now Kaede could very well be the _only_ woman that he ever did this with again.

She nodded her head and asked him to turn around so that she might change. It was his turn for his cheeks to light up, but he complied without quarrel, as she had expected. Once she had changed, she climbed into her bed and told him that he could turn around and join her. She slid to one side of the bed as he laid down next to her, and she settled the covers over the two of them. She snuggled up against him as he turned off the lights, and sighed in contentment when he kissed her gently on her head.

She was content, and she never wanted it to end. Soon after that night, they started spending every night together, and she never wanted it to stop.

The months came and went, and soon it was late winter…just on the verge of Spring.

Spring…

The perfect time for leaving.

Kaede and Kagome both felt the tension in the air. Inuyasha, if he were to leave, would need to leave soon and in this weather. They were both expecting it, and it showed. Most were relatively happy now. They could practically taste the new season on their tongues and they wanted more of it. They were giddy with excitement, and most found it rather odd that the Princess was not as well. There was something bothering her, and it concerned all.

Inuyasha was one of these people, but he was almost never alone with her now. Kaede always came in at some of the most inopportune moments, and it was starting to annoy him to no end. He wanted to have some alone time with his best friend before he left—especially since he did not know if he would ever return.

Still, as spring approached one thing became clear to him: he needed to take a chance on Kaede. She was loyal to him. She cared about him. She was kind. He did not mind being with her. For these reasons, he knew that he needed to ask her to come with him to wherever it was that he decided he wanted to go.

She was ecstatic when he asked her to come with him. The joy in her eyes, and excitement in her voice, and the passion of her kiss. He could still feel it on his lips.

She had pulled him down, holding his face in place. Her lips had not been gentle. They claimed his without a second thought, pressing up against them with such a force that the air left his lungs. He felt her lips moving against his, so he responded in kind and started to move his back in turn. He felt her arms wrap around his neck and her hands snake up to bury themselves in his hair, massaging his scalp. She pulled him down further and tentatively parted her lips, pushing her tongue out to see if he would let her in. He was startled by the contact, and unsure of what to do, he parted his own lips, only to feel her invade his mouth. The battle was on, and he was not one to give in without a fight. He quickly caught onto the rules, and by the time he had forced her back to her own turf as the victor, he felt hot and breathless.

He blushed at the memory, but it was safe to say that she would indeed be coming with him.

Inuyasha had told Kaede to not tell Kagome just yet. He felt as if they should tell her at the same time—especially since they were both keeping this from her still.

Still, her depression was worrying him, so he sought her out one day and set aside a time to meet with her in the library. There was much the now eighteen year old wanted to discuss with the now sixteen year old woman.

He had specifically chosen a time when he knew that Kaede would be busy doing this or that, which worked out well for him. After all, he wanted for this to be a conversation between just Kagome and himself.

He was the first to arrive there, and this did not surprise him, somehow.

Kagome had made herself busy, lately. She would find odd tasks to do, and then she would work on them until completion for no apparent reason. This too was beginning to worry him.

_Oh Kagome…what is going on in your mind?_

Inuyasha sighed as he started skimming over the scrolls and books. There were so many…he thought it nearly impossible for one to be able to read over all of them in one life time. The room was covered floor to ceiling with nothing but wooden shelves and books. It was a rather intimidating site.

"You wanted to see me, Inuyasha?"

He turned around to face the source of the rather tired voice, and found himself looking at the woman of his deepest desires.

"Kagome…" he whispered, his gaze softening when he took in the bags under her eyes.

"Yes, Inuyasha?"

He shook his head and pulled her over to one of the couches in the room, snuggling her up to his side and draping his arm across her, keeping her there with him.

"Inuyasha," she whispered, blushing gently against him. "I do not understand…what are you doing?" They had not been this close in the longest time…almost a year. They had done a relatively good job of keeping each other at an arm's length physically ever since he had been kicked out from his training.

"I have been so worried about you lately. You have been different. Sad. You know I hate when you are sad. What happened? How can I help?"

His kind words struck something in her. She was not alright. Far from it. He was going to leave soon…she just knew it, and when he left, there was a good chance that she would never see him again.

She would never see him again.

That thought ate a bit of her soul away.

How could she never see the man she loved, and her best friend, ever again and not feel distressed? And moreover, how could he think that she would not be affected in some way by his plans to leave?

"I do not want to talk about it," she whispered miserably into his side. She inhaled deeply, hoping that it would calm her nerves, but instead her senses were washed by his sent. God she loved his scent. Deep. Strong. Masculine. Completely Inuyasha.

"Please…talk to me. I feel like you are shutting me out. What is going on? You know that you can talk to me. You have always been able to talk to me before."

She turned her face and hid it against his arm. "Not this time. This time is different."

"Why?"

"It just simply is."

"That is not a very good reason, you know." He had meant to tease her. He had. But somehow, this only seemed to make things worse. She just became more introverted and seemed to slump even more into him. "Kagome…please…talk to me."

"I cannot, Inuyasha."

"Please, Kagome. I want to make it better. Why will you not let me?"

"Because it is not something that you can make better."

"So you are simply sad for no reason?"

"I never said this either. I just said that you cannot make it better."

"Oh really," he asked, the side of his mouth quirking up as a mischievous idea took root within his mind. "Even if I do…this?"

He suddenly pounced on her, pinning her down to the couch and letting his fingers find her sides. They started to tickle her and his evil plan seemed to be working. She was loosening up and starting to laugh.

"Stop!" she begged between gasps of air as her entire torso began shaking from his torture.

"Now now Kagome…you had your chance to do things the easy way. Now we get to do things the hard way."

If her eyes had been open she would have been able to see his smirk, but she did not need them to be open to hear the smugness oozing out from behind his comment. He was happy with what he was doing. Damn pleased with himself, to be exact. And she was not fond of it. Not at all.

"Yash, please," she gasped, her lungs starting to burn as he found a particularly ticklish spot under her second rib.

"Please what?"

That smug bastard…

"Please stop!" she practically shrieked.

"I do not think that I can do that, Princess."

He really was a bastard. She was going to die from…laughter…and the only way to make it stop was for _him_ to stop.

"If you want me to stop," he whispered is a hushed voice, "then I need for you to tell me how to make it better."

Her breath hitched at this, and not from his fingers.

"Tell me how to make it _allllllllll _go away, and I will stop. That is all you have to do."

"Then I shall die on this couch," she wheezed.

Her words struck a chord with him, and his fingers slowly became less insistent until they were no longer torturing her. He started backing away from her still panting and flushed form as he felt anger start to boil up from within him. She had _never_ kept something from him. _Never_. No matter what the situation, they had always been open and honest with one another. That was one of the better parts of their relationship. They could tell the other _anything_. She knew this. She knew that she could tell him the truth—yet she was not.

Why?

Why was she forcing their relationship to take a turn for the worse?

What was so troubling to her that she could share it with no one? Not even him?

He got up from the couch and stood before the books, his eyes roaming over all of them. Spines of red, blue, black, and green leather gazed back at him with their golden letters. They puzzled him. He really did not see the point in owning so many books, especially if you had no intention of ever reading them. They were useless then…just like he was now useless.

"Why do you have so many books? They are never read. They just sit here, collecting dust. What is the point then?"

"Sources of information, diagrams of places, languages that can be learned, explanations and the telling of myths. It is more than one could ever hope to learn, so we keep them here as references."

"Diagrams of places," he whispered, and idea suddenly taking hold in his mind. "Do you have diagrams of the whole world? And of sea currents?"

"We do."

"Might I use them?"

"I…do not see why not. What do you need them for," she asked, trepidation seeping into her voice. She already knew the answer, yet somehow she wanted to hear it from his lips. It would make things more concrete. It would tell her that he really was going to leave her.

"I still have not decided where I would like to go. Looking at sea currents may help." His smile was kind and hopeful, but somehow it felt like he cut out her heart and stomped on it in front of her.

"Hold on…I will get it for you."

There it was again. That sad, utterly demolished demeanor. What was going on with her? Why would she not just…just open up to him and tell him what was on her mind!

He watched her bring a rolling ladder over to a certain area so that she could climb up to the right section with sea currents. Inuyasha moved so that he was right under her so that if she were to slip and fall, he would be there to catch her. He stared up at her form as she climbed just a few more steps. His cheeks suddenly turned a dark red. He should have not been able to see up her skirts. He quickly looked away. What kind of man and friend was he? Well…he was a red blooded male, but he was a horrible friend. She trusted him to do nothing of the sorts, yet he was betraying her trust and almost openly gazing at her. He had to avert his gaze to her feet as his need to gaze up at her—in that particular area—strengthened.

"There are quite a few scrolls here…would a general map work, or do you need a very specific one?"

"A general one would be fine…thank you."

Her fingers danced across the spines and the rolls of paper before landing on one book in particular. She slid it out from its place among the books, and brought it down with her.

"Here you go…are you going to look at it now, or later?"

"You mean…I can take it with me?"

"Yes…I trust you to not do anything to it. You will bring it back, will you not?"

"You know that I will."

"Good. If you would not, then I would be forced to track you down and throw you into the torture chambers," she teased. Finally, there was light back in her eyes again. He missed that light…

"And you know that I would fight you every step of the way," he threw back, walking towards her.

"Ha! You know that you are not truly a match for me. If I wanted to, I could have you on your knees in a moment!" She challenged, closing the gap between the two of them.

"Oh really? I would just like to see you try!"

Her breath caught in her throat as she seemed to close the distance between them, her head so close to his.

No.

This was bad.

This would mess everything up between them again. She did not want that. He was going to be leaving soon, and she did not want to part with them on bad terms.

She quickly backed up from him and ignored the questioning look he gave her. He did not understand. He could not understand…and it was better that way. He could not possibly begin to fathom how much she was going to miss him. How much she already did miss him. Nothing was truly ever the same since she had kissed him that time, and now with all the progress they had made…

"When," she croaked after a moment, her throat seemingly as dry as the sand in the desert. "When are you planning to leave?"

She knew that she would regret asking, but…damnit, she needed to know!

"I am not sure. I suppose soon. Spring is going to be here in a matter of weeks, after all."

"I see," she whispered, the near finality of the situation weighing down on her heart, crushing her. It demolished what little bit of herself she had been able to regain.

Her change in demeanor was not lost on Inuyasha. It concerned him. Back again was that same look in her eyes. The same look of having lost something essential to life. She seemed dead almost.

This look and what they had just spoken of allowed him to connect the dots.

"Kagome," he murmured, wrapping his arms around her from behind. "I know you are sad, and I think I know why now, but please understand. This is something that I need to do. I need to leave…for so many different reasons."

He felt her choke back a sob and turn around in his arms, nodding her head against his chest.

"I just wish that you did not feel like you need to."

"I know…me too." She could feel him rub his hands in large circular motions across her back.

Those hands…those large beautiful hands that made her feel safe and secure and wanted. They would be gone soon. He would be gone soon. She started sobbing harder. Their friendship would be gone. The one person she was able to talk to about everything may never come back. Her steady rock would crumble away into the wind, carried off to far and distant places so that she may never see it again.

Why did this have to happen?

"Please," she begged between broken sobs. "Please stay. I need you."

"Kagome…"

She looked up at him, her eyes glassy and red. They were full of want and sorrow and spoke of a desperate need. Her hands slowly side up him to around his neck and into his hair.

"Please…"

Neither knew when it happened. One second they were a safe distance away from each other. The next they were tangled up in each other's arms, their lips hungrily feasting off of one another. She was starving for him, and for the food that only he could provide her with. His being was the only thing that could sate her hunger and her need. He was the only one that ever could.

She pressed her lips desperately to his and savored the feeling that was consuming her from the resulting friction. It was hot. Flaming hot. It was like just pressing her lips to his was igniting her entire being on a glorious white fire, covering her from head to toe. Every nerve end was on alert, and every sense was focused on just him.

Him…

Her beautiful, wonderful, best friend Inuyasha.

In this moment with him, there were no thoughts of leaving. No…nothing mattered but this simple feeling of his lips on hers.

His lips moving against her lips. His teeth gently nibbling on her flesh. Her tongue running between his parted lips and plundering his mouth.

The sensations…oh how she loved them. Craved them. This would be her drug. Inuyasha had always been a drug to her, but this new change in their relationship… It was addicting. Their duel was making her loose all connection with the real world. Feeling his tongue against her tongue was the most potent drug there could ever be, almost like a sweet opium. His hands around her waist pulling her closer only intensified her need for him. Her one hand dug itself further into his hair, guiding him as to what to do to please her, while the other arm wrapped possessively around his body as their kiss became even more demanding.

Much like a ship sailing through rough waters, she felt her senses become more and more muddled as he became more and more demanding. He nibbled on her lips and suckled on them with aggression. It was like with each turn of the head he was trying to show her how much he needed her. Each powerful thrust of his tongue made her feel overwhelmed and breathless until they could take no more, but she was unwilling to let him go.

She ran her tongue across his bottom lip one more time as she felt him roughly pull away.

"No," he panted, distancing himself from her. "This is wrong."

She regarded him with hazy eyes, her brain not catching up to understand the words coming from his puffy lips.

"We cannot do this."

"Why?" she still was not sure what he was trying to say, and it was so hard to focus on him when she was still tingling all over from their kiss.

"I am with someone else."

That snapped her attention straight to the conversation at hand with astonishing speed.

"You are…with someone else?"

He nodded his head, averting his eyes to the ground, almost as if he were both afraid and ashamed.

"When…how…I just…I do not understand. When did this happen? Why did you not tell me? Who is she? I just…Inuyasha, _why_?

"Would you just ask one question at a time? I cannot answer all of them at once!"

He could feel their conversation becoming more and more violent by the second, and it scared him. There were so many emotions flowing through his veins, and it was both scaring him and confusing him. When he became scared and confused, he lashed out to protect himself. He did not want to harm Kagome, but soon…

"Who is she?"

"I cannot tell you, Kagome. We wanted to tell you when the time was right."

"So I know her."

"You do," he confirmed with some reluctance.

"And you will not tell me who she is?"

"Again, Kagome, we wanted to do it when the time was right."

"How long has this been going on, then?"

"Ever…ever since I was kicked out of the program."

He had just slapped her in the face. Not physically, but it may have well have been with his hand. It would have hurt less. The sting would not have been as great. That was around the first time they had kissed. The first time she had touched him as a man, and not as a childhood friend. The feeling of his naked chest beneath her hands still made her blood run hot and sent a shiver up her spine. Every dip and rise was engraved into her mind forever. The feel of his nipple hardening under her curious fingertips still both embarrassed her and made her heart race, and his soft lips under hers… That was a night that she would never forget.

Now, he was telling her that after that night—a night which had meant so much to her—he had found another to satisfy him. Did she really mean so little to him? So little that there was now another in his arms? So little that after that night he wanted to run away to God only knows where, and come back God only knows when, if at all?

Now…now after they had kissed for a second time, after he had shown her a passion she had never dreamt she could ever experience, he was telling her this?

Why her? Why was _she_ destined to this fate? Why was _he_ doing this to her? Why did God find it fun to torment her heart so? Was it because of her power and wealth? She did not want it. Any of it. Not if it meant this. She would give it all up in a second if it meant that she could be happy and could marry him. That she could be with him. That she could feel him as she had that one night, and as she had just moments before without him pulling away and telling her no.

"Why are you doing this to me, Inuyasha?"

"What?"

"You know how I feel about you. I do not think that I need to say it for you to know that my heart beats only for you."

"Kagome, please—"

"No! You kissed me back. This was not one sided. Do not even _think_ of telling me otherwise. I felt it, Inuyasha. You care for me as I care for you. You need me like I need you. Please…I am begging you. End what you have with this woman and be with me. What we could have…just think of how happy we could be together. Please Inu. Please…please come to me. Please."

She was near tears. Oh how he wanted to go to her and comfort her. How he wanted to take her in his arms and tell her that he would end his relationship with Kaede. That this very night, they could run off with each other into the darkness and get married only to never look back. He wanted that. He wanted it as much as he wanted to become a knight. The problem was that this was reality—not a dream.

In his dreams, he could whisk her off to his old home filled with servants and riches and the finest goods money could buy. He could lay her down on his bed and slowly discover each and every part of her being. He could taste her skin and her soul as they experienced the deepest love he could ever share with a woman, and with the only woman he ever wanted to share that with. He could rest his head upon her swollen belly and listen to the smaller life beating from within. He could cherish her and the children that they would have. He could have a family again. After growing up as a lonely orphan with the sole exception of Kagome, he wanted nothing more in the world then to have a family, and to have Kagome as the mother of his children.

But it was just that: a dream.

This was the reality of the situation.

He had nothing. He could do nothing. He was nothing. Because of this, he could never have her, and someone like her could never have him. It was just the way of life, and there was nothing anyone could do about it. Not even God himself could change this, just like God could not give him back his position in the program. No…if anything, all of this was God's fault. God was the one to blame for everything. If it had not been for God, then maybe…just maybe…he could be happy. They could both be happy.

"I cannot, Kagome."

"Please…I am begging you," she pleaded as she fell to her knees, "leave her and be with me. We feel the same…I know that we do. I need you to live, Inu. I need you by my side and in my life. I can ever only want you. Please, come to me. Please…"

Why did this have to be so hard? Why did she have to do this to him?

He knew what he had to do, no matter how much he wished he did not have to.

He steeled his gaze and straightened his posture.

_Do it._

"It is all in your head, Kagome."

He left her there without a backwards glance as he strode out with not only the map, but the heart of a woman who would forever and always hold his.

That night he met with Kaede once more in her room. He was sitting on her bed after having changed into his night attire and was going through the maps. Nothing seemed all that appealing to him, and while his brain was telling him to get out of here now, his heart was no longer in the effort.

He flipped through a few more maps when he saw Kaede put down her brush and stretch. He allowed his eyes to roam over the image of her arched body hidden by the thin yet baggy cloth of her nightgown, but he did not feel as attracted to her as he did to Kagome when she did the same. He was sure that Kaede was trying to get his attention, but when Kagome did the same, she was not trying. She did it with an air of innocence, and to him that was all the more alluring.

She rose from her chair by her desk and walked over to the bed, sitting down on the edge of it next to him as she studied the current map.

"The East? You want to go there?"

"I—"

There was a knock on her door. That was very odd. No one ever came here this late at night. After quickly exchanging looks of confusion and uncertainty, Kaede quickly walked over to the door and cracked it open. Neither were prepared for Kagome to throw the door open and run into Kaede's arms, her eyes red and her cheeks wet from tears. Inuyasha watched in utter shock as she sobbed on her shoulder, mumbling something that he could not quite make out. Some part of him told Inuyasha that he should not go to Kagome, but he really did not care about that part at this moment.

He walked behind the two of them to close the door, then wrapped his arms around Kagome from behind, trying to sooth her in any way that he could. Seeing this, Kaede slowly left Kagome's form so that the only one comforting her was Inuyasha. He started rubbing her back and humming to her, which only made her sob harder. He did not know what to do, so he picked her up carried her over to the bed, sitting her down in his lap between his legs. He started swaying with her as her sobs lessened in severity until they stopped all together.

She clung to his shirt, not completely understanding that it was Inuyasha. All she knew was that she was with a person that cared about her, and so she poured her heart out to them.

"Father is making me court Koga. I do not want to court him. I hate him. He is nothing but a bully, and so is his father. He is a stupid, pig headed, selfish bully that father wants me to marry. Oh what am I going to do!"

Koga? Her father had chosen Koga? Yes, he had known that the King was considering the man, but he had never truly thought that it would turn into something of substance such as this. Did the King _want_ his daughter to live a life of misery…not that he even knew what her life was like anymore.

"It is not like I can run away anymore," she continued, "Inuyasha may have gone with me, but now he is in love with someone else. It would have been beautiful if we had run away and wed. Our children…they would have been so cute. He has turned into such a handsome man over the years. I just know that I would love our children."

Her words were crumbling his heart. She wanted to have his children. She would have loved their children. She would have enjoyed being a mother to his children, and a wife to him. She would have been happy with that life.

"I am afraid. I fear that I will not love a child of Koga's. I fear that I will hate the way that it came to be. I do not want to do that to an innocent child…but I will not be able to help myself. Is there nothing that I can do?"

He kept rocking with her as she continued to pour her heart out to him. Oh how he wished that he could do something to make this better! The idea that her father had honestly chosen Koga was astonishing. He knew that there were ties in there, and that he was considering him for political reasons only, but he could not help but wonder as to why he would have chosen him over all the other suitors. Kagome would have rather married an old and fat man then wed Koga.

Inuyasha started to stroke her hair, calming her enough for her to become drowsy. Soon, the swaying combined with humming and the feeling of him stroking her hair soon put Kagome to sleep. Inuyasha gazed down at her sleeping form still contently snuggled against his chest and could not help but think of her as the most perfect angel there could ever be.

"Kaede," he whispered quietly, "I want her to stay with us for the night."

She bit the inside of her lip in though as she played with the edge of her sleeve, but she did nod her head. The resulting smile from Inuyasha made her feel like she had done the right thing as he tucked her under the covers of her bed, snuggling her into a cocoon of Inuyasha, sheet, comfort, and love. She felt a bitter jealousy rise up from the pit of her stomach at the site.

She wanted to be the one in his arms. She knew that Kagome was in pain…it was very obvious. Still, she wanted to be the one that he held tight. The one that he gently kissed the top of their forehead as he tucked them under his chin. She wanted to experience the kind of love that was clearly between the two of them. She wanted that…but she could not have that. Not so long as Inuyasha clearly felt this way from Kagome.

She could not wait until they left. Then he would learn to forget about Kagome, and he would come to love her completely.

Kaede joined the two under the sheets and pressed herself against Inuyasha, wrapping her arms around him from behind.

This was going to be a long night for them.

As long as the night was, the morning was even more painful…especially when Kagome woke up and found herself in bed with not only Inuyasha, but apparently the woman that he was now courting.

"Kaede," Kagome hissed after Inuyasha had just awoken. "You are with Kaede?"

Inuyasha leaned up and looked down at her, eyes wide. "When did you wake up?"

"Long enough ago to realize that the way that she is holding onto you is not the way a friend would."

"You have held onto me like this before!"

"I never said that I just wanted to be friends! I am past that want Inuyasha!"

"Be quite! No one knows that you are here," he warned. If she kept yelling, someone would notice not only that she was in here, but also his presence in Kaede's room.

"I think that you really want to let your dearest Kaede to sleep longer," she spat, the venom sinking into his blood and slowing his heart.

"Kagome, please, w—"

"Why did you have to keep it from me? That is all I want to know. Why her and why the secrecy?"

"We did not want to hurt you."

She snorted at this.

"Well, congratulations Inuyasha. You did whether you wanted to or not."

"I am sorry Kagome." He could feel Kaede wakening from the noise. "That was never our intent."

"When did you get here last night?"

This may have been what she was asking verbally, but he could tell what she really wanted to know. "Did you hear my confession?" That was what she truly wanted to know.

"Kaede got me last night and told me that you were a mess, but she never said why. By the time I got here you were already asleep."

She nodded her head, clearly skeptical but not wanting to push the issue. She would just have to take his word for it this time.

"We should get you back to your room before someone notices that you are missing."

She snorted at that. "So now you care about my reputation."

"Now wait just a min—"

"No…have no fear Inuyasha. I am leaving. You will not have to worry anymore."

She had meant what she said, too. From that day until the day Inuyasha and Kaede left, she never said two words to them.

That day was a day that he would never forget. His relationship with Kagome had been completely damaged. He had tried to talk to her the day before he left, even going so far as backing her up into a wall and pinning her there between his arms, but nothing that he did could convince her to speak to him. He and Kaede were set to leave at dawn the next day, but he just could not leave with things like this. He had gone into town recently to purchase supplies and tickets to the East. While he was there though…he found a bracelet. The idea of purchasing it for Kaede never even occurred to him. Instead, the second he saw it he knew that he would give it to Kagome. Unfortunately, they had been on horrible terms, so he could not give it to her.

He would be damned if he left her on bad terms though, thus why he snuck into her room at night and placed it on her pillow next to her sleeping head. She looked so beautiful…so peaceful. He was sorry that he was leaving this, but she was never really his to leave to begin with. Still, he could feel his heart in his throat as he stared down at the beautiful angel before him.

He did not know what overcame him, but he needed to kiss her. Just one more time.

Inuyasha leaned down and gently pressed his lips to hers, careful to not wake her up. He sighed when he pulled away from her. This could be the last time that he ever saw her, and not only was she still angry with him, but she refused to talk to him. He found it childish, yes, but mostly he was saddened and there was nothing that he could do.

That day he left with Kaede, his possessions, and a messenger bird. He left with everything that he needed…but he did not leave with his heart. That Kagome would always hold…he just did not know it.

A/N: *Lyric to David Bowie's song Within You (. com/watch?v=y1-l0UNCKJM) I don't own it.

I know that died…but life happened. This last…month-ish has been particularly…stressful? It has just been filled with a lot of drama. I guess life is making up for the drama I never had to deal with in high school (you heard me right). My new best friend at college (I think best friend…not sure what to call what I have with him…it's different from my best friends in HS) has just been having a hard time lately from social things, to love, to family, to school. It just hasn't been all that great for him lately, and unfortunately, that has left you guys in the dark for an additional month. Yeah…I had this done a month ago. It just was never edited, and I never found the time to edit it.

I hope that you guys liked this last chapter! There was nothing citrus in this chapter…but that was because I thought that I would have gotten them outta here by now. I know that people are not…fond…of the idea of Inu and Kaede getting' it on…but it is gonna happen. It just depends on if it is implied or not, and that depends on how I handle the next chapter. I need to establish a very close relationship between the two in order to leave the possibility of something open later. Feel free to try and guess if you want…but it won't do much good.

Again…I'm SO sorry that it took this long to update! I never wanted it to…but honestly…if it weren't for the reviews that I have been getting the last few days on different sites, I would have forgotten all about this for a while longer, sooooooooooo….PLEASE REVIEW! Not just for me, but for you too! They honestly keep me on track and remind me to keep going! Also, it would be a great birthday present since tomorrow is my 19th ;-).

Thank you SO much to everyone that has reviewed so far! I hope that you guys will continue to read! You guys rock and are what keep me going. I don't know what I would do without you :).

Now for the ARs!

To: Kawa-Misterii

I was actually surprised when I heard the comparison! While I have heard of the book, I never bothered to look into what it was about. I certainly see similarities between the two…but I did not base this story off of Wuthering Heights. Thank you so much though for thinking that, and for the comparison! I feel like this story has a lot ahead, and I can't wait to go down that path and show everyone how he stopped trying to fight his heart and decided to pursue Kagome. As for why I chose Kaede instead of Kikyo…well…I have several different reasons for that. 1. Kaede's character is always rather static, and she almost _never_ is shown having genuine feelings and desires for someone. She never _loves_ anyone. 2. I wanted to leave my options open for if I need Kikyo later in the story. The way that I have it planned out now I will need Kikyo for something else, however, this is not yet set in stone. 3. I like to push the boundaries of fanfiction and what people deem normal. I hope that helps answer at least one of your questions :). Thank you SO much for the glowing review :). I feel very touched. Thank you for reading, and I hope that you will continue to read!

To: kokooronagomu

Already responded to.

To: SplendentGoddess

Thank you! I'm glad that you understand the importance of why I am writing this the way I am. Sure I could have just started in the past, but that would not have been quite as interesting, and people would think that this was quickly turning into a Inu/Kaede story. I also could have just started it in the present and continued forward, but we lack the depth and understanding of the characters. I know that some people may regard this little bit as slightly pointless…but as I always like to say…we need to understand our past to know where we are going. I think that this is carrying through here too. Also, it just adds a whole new layer of depth to them. After all…this is an AU and my characters always seem to be VERY OOC. I'm glad to hear that you don't mind the "other woman" being Kaede. I have potential plans for Kikyo, and I like to try and make my stuff a bit different from the average Joe story and push the limits. Thank you so much for the review! I'm So glad to hear that you are enjoying this story, and I genuinely hope that you will continue to both read it and enjoy it :).

To: frannnnn

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww….Thank you! It means so much to hear that :). I will try and update as soon as I can…but it's difficult to do during the school year…or at least it has been this school year. I hope that with summer coming up I will be able to update more often. We will see :). Thank you so much for the review, and I hope that you will keep reading!

To: WyckedFrankie

Awwwwwww….Thanks! I will try and update as often as I can, but it has been rather difficult this school year. I blame it on the fact that it was my first year of college and it took some time to adjust. Fortunately, summer will be here in a matter of weeks and then I will have a lot more time to write! I hope that I have not become rusty in my hiatus…I find it more and more difficult to write the intimate scenes. And I used to be so good too! Anyways...thanks for the review, and I hope that you will keep reading!

To: ocelot125

Thanks! I don't plan on ever abandoning this story. I really like this time period, and I enjoy writing about it. That, and I love what I have in store for this! It should be an interesting journey to see how he goes from a man who wants to run from what he wants, to one who wants to fight for it…but how we see that depends on how I handle the next chapter. Ahh...yes…the choice. That is the meat of the whole plot right there. As for the lyrics…I intend to use all of them, and when I run out, I will have to switch over to a different song or come up with something else. We will just have to wait and see…because one thing is certain with how I write: this story will be loner then that song! Thank you so much for the review, and I hope that you will keep reading!

Now, the ARs!


	5. Chapter 4

_**Disclaimer**__: I love the only Inuyasha related thing I own. My cute little chibi inu key-chain which lives out its happy life on my iPod making fashion statements everywhere (Ha! Take that Parris Hilton! You want something hot? Then look at my iPod cuz it's so cute and knows how to accessorize.)_

* * *

A/N: WARNING! LIME NEAR THE BEGINNING OF THE CHAPTER! Do not read the part marked off by the following punctuation sequence if you don't wanna see it! No one is forcing you to read it, and if you do read it, you do so on your own because it was your decision! I am just providing you guys with a warning since I know not everyone wants to read that stuff. You have been warned!

Punctuation sequence:

::::::::

_Within You_

_By: lil6ter_

_You've Run So Long*_

_Chapter Four_

Seventy-two letters sat before her. Seventy-two letters describing in detail the adventures and the things that they had done. Seventy-two reminders of her place in the world, and seventy-two reminders that the man she loved was making a life for himself with another woman. Seventy-two reminders of her best friends' betrayal.

The letters came twice a month. They always came, without fail, for the past two years by way of messenger bird. She had never responded to them. She never even looked at them until that first year had passed. She kept them, for reasons that she still could not understand, but she never opened them. There was a part of her that just was not ready to forgive them.

She _loved_ Inuyasha. She loved him with all of her heart, and while she had learned to move on, she could not and would not forget. She had been bitter at first. Very bitter, and she had felt justified. Then, as time went on and she continued to court Koga, she started to learn that her bitterness needed to disappear. She could understand why Inuyasha was doing what he was doing. He wanted a life for himself, and he wanted a chance at happiness. Maybe not the true happiness that he could have had with her, but he was looking for it…and somewhere along the way she had started to look for her own.

It hurt giving up that dream. The dream of marrying him and having his children and spending all of her days by his side. It had become an unrealistic child's dream. She had come to accept the fact that life—particularly her life—did not work that way. She did not have the same kind of freedom that Kaede did to love Inuyasha. She did not have the same freedom choose who she wanted to marry, and she did not have the same kind of freedom to do as she pleased. Oh how she wished she did have that freedom. She had wished for it every day since she had turned thirteen.

The unfortunate reality of the situation was, however, that no matter how much she wished that she could have that freedom, she would not have it. This is why she was courting Koga instead of taking Kaede's place.

She stared down at the letters before her. That first year she had only received twenty four, and when she had eventually opened them up, she saw that they were all from Kaede. She did not know why, but she was desperately hoping that it would be Inuyasha who wrote to her…and in time he did. She learned of all of their adventures through these letters…and…of how they were falling for each other. They were making a life for themselves together, and the sting never seemed to end. Granted, Inuyasha never spoke of his love for Kaede to her in the letters, but she heard enough from Kaede to not want more from Inuyasha. He normally kept his letters rather short and to the point, only elaborating when something was truly exciting and note worthy took place.

She wished that he would write more. She wanted it oh so very much, yet she knew why he refrained, and why she should be glad that he was not writing a lot to her. It was so that he could distance himself further from her. Give them _both_ even more room to heal and move on. She did not believe him that day in the library. There was too much love and passion and emotion in that kiss for it to have been fake. Perhaps that was part of why she had been so furious with him up until he had left. Because he dared lie to her about how he felt.

She sighed and shifted under the unrelenting gaze of those seventy-two letters. Seventy-one of those letters meant nothing to her. She never had any intention of writing back, but this seventy second letter…the one currently in her hands with dried water marks from her tears…this one she would have to respond to, and she hated herself for what she was going to write. She was tempted to strangle the messenger bird that had brought it to her, but it was just an innocent in the situation. The bird had done nothing wrong…and if she were being truthful with herself, she would acknowledge the fact that in truth, Kaede and Inuyasha had done nothing wrong as well. Still, this was easier said than done. Kaede's words were blinding to her, and at the present moment, she absolutely hated Kaede. Kagome did not care if she had a right to hate her or not. The fact remained that she did, because of what had transpired between her and the man she loved. The man they _both _loved.

Kagome picked up the first seventy one letters, and carefully hid them away under her bed. She took deep, calming breaths and read over the seventy second letter one more time. She had spent all day reading over this letter, and the seventy one that came before it, and she had come to her conclusion. She just wanted one more day before she sealed their fate…and forever broke her own heart.

Tomorrow would always be there. She just wanted one more night before she replied, and she would allow herself this one last luxury.

* * *

"How many rooms for ya? One or two?"

"One will suffice." Inuyasha wrapped his arm around the woman next to him, pulling her close and glaring at the inn keeper for lustfully eyeing Kaede and issued a silent warning. "We are married."

The man's eyes widened a fraction before falling to the Kaede's hand. His gaze stayed there for a few seconds, confirming his guest's words and Inuyasha knew that he had won the battle. The inn keeper's eyes returned to Inuyasha's and he recognized the inn keeper's smile to be as false as saying the moon was green. His eyes spoke of what he was really thinking. Inuyasha could tell that he still lusted after Kaede despite the fact that she was spoken for, and that there would be no rest for the weary. He would have to keep his guard up at all times to ensure her safety.

He sighed and pulled her closer to his body, and Kaede wrapped her arms around him and closed her eyes in contentment. She was oblivious to the exchange, and if Inuyasha had his way, she would remain oblivious. He had to fight men off of her on what seemed like a daily basis, and she had fortunately never caught on. He would be the first to admit that Kaede was an attractive woman, so he could understand why men's eyes followed her every movement. Still, that did not mean that he would allow their eyes to do so. Not when he was with her, and he did not plan on leaving her anytime soon. Not with his ring gleaming on her delicate finger.

"How many nights will you be staying for?"

"I am not yet sure…but I would like to pay for tonight now." Inuyasha fished out of his pants pocket a pouch filled with gold and silver coins and took out a few of them, handing them to the inn keeper. "Would you show us to our room? We are very tired and would like to get some rest."

"Of course, sir. Feel free to come down should you desire anything to eat. Please follow me."

Inuyasha nodded his head in acknowledgement, but knew that this would not be so. They had already eaten, and really, they just wanted a place to rest for the night.

Inuyasha lead Kaede up the stairs after the inn keeper and down a hallway to a room that the man had opened the door to. Inuyasha bid him good night, and quickly locked the door behind him. He honestly doubted that it would do much good. While the inn keeper had handed him a key, he was almost positive that he had a spare, and if he really chose to, he could come in and get Kaede from him. He would have to keep her close to him all night, something which he had already planned on doing.

"You know I love it when you call me your wife," Kaede cooed, drawing Inuyasha from his thoughts of keeping her safe as she wrapped her arms around his neck, slithering her hands up into his hair and lightly scratching his scalp with her nails, sending a shiver down his spine.

"I do," he murmured pulling her close so he could lean down to nestle his nose in the crook of her neck, deeply inhaling her feminine sent.

"I cannot wait until I really am your wife. I dream of it every night…"

"As do I…and of our wedding…and what comes to follow…" he murmured, tilting his head so that each word gently ghosted her lips, teasing her and beckoning her into wanting more.

"Pervert," she smiled. "You already know what comes after the wedding."

"Mmm…and I must say…I enjoy it greatly."

Kaede's eyes widened as she felt his hands slip from the middle of her back to further and further down, until he was grasping her buttocks.

"Oh really? Is that so?" She was playful. He liked it when she was playful.

"It is."

"Well then…why ever should we wait until we are wed? Especially when we have no plans for this evening."

"I think we do now."

::::::::

Inuyasha gently cupped her face in his hands, tilting it upward so that he could gently press his lips against her own, provoking the desires swimming within their blood, feeding it and encouraging it to strengthen. To let their most primal wants and desires to spring forth. To let them cave to their deepest wants of wanton lust. They both knew that coupling before marriage was—to say the least—highly frowned upon. Still, that first time…a time months before now, what society taught and dictated had been far from their minds. That first coupling had given them both courage to genuinely contemplate if this was right: if their relationship, their being one, their engagement only weeks prior…if that was right. If this was the right path for them. While Kaede had known then and there that it was, Inuyasha…

…he was still another matter.

Even now, as he pressed his lips against her neck, her abdomen, her navel, her breast. Even as he feed upon her, sucked her bosom like a new born babe…even now he was not completely sure that this was right.

It felt good, yes. It felt good to be seated deep within her as he was now. If felt wonderful to thrust in and out. He could not describe how he felt when he could take no more and her lips, fingers, tongue, teeth, and entire body had brought him to the point where he saw blinding white lights. There was no doubt that this act felt wonderous…but his heart…it was still unsure. This repeated act only proved that to him, but he could not stop this. He had tried to avoid bedding her again, confused and lost as to what was right, but his body craved her, and he was only a man, after all. That is what he told himself time and time again as he squelched down other feelings. Feelings for someone else.

Kagome…

He could not help but wonder if she would look the same way Kaede did when she was under him. Would her mouth open in a perfect little O when he thrust in and out of her? Would she close her eyes, or would she keep them open, staring into his or up at the ceiling with her head tilted back. What would her breasts look like? Would they slope off subtly to the sides and gently sway up and down, keeping in perfect rhythm with the rest of their beautiful dance? Would her skin glisten with sweat in the candle and moon light? Would she be silent, or beg him for more? Would she tell him what to do, and better yet, would he obey? What would it feel like to be buried in her, completely and entirely?

Suddenly, he felt himself stiffen as the white light flashed before his eyes, and then, slowly, his muscles relaxed enough for him to lay himself down next to his panting partner. He closed his eyes and kept them closed for a moment, opening them when he felt an arm wrap around his waist. When he opened them, the reality of what he had done struck him, punching him in the gut and forcing all the air from his lungs. He….what he had done? It was no better than using Kaede as a common street whore. He had thought of…envisioned…pretended that Kaede was another woman. A woman that—clearly—still had his heart. How could he have allowed this? How could he have used Kaede in such a manner?

More importantly though, how could he be engaged to a woman, when he had thought of another during an act which was to help bring them closer together?

::::::::

Kaede started to run her fingers through his sweaty shoulder length black hair, and he only felt sicker with himself. This had been the only time he had done this, and he was going to make sure that it was the last time, too. He could not do that to Kaede. She deserved more than that.

"You were wonderful…again," she murmured, pressing her lips to his bare shoulder blade.

"As were you," he choked out. He hated lying to her like that, but he did not have an option. He could not tell her that it felt better than usual because he was thinking of Kagome.

He could feel her smile against his skin, and knew that she was pleased with herself for making him feel just as good as he made her feel.

"We better get some sleep. I want us to get out of this place come dawn."

"Alright. Good night, my Love."

"…Good night, Love."

He hated calling her that after what he had done. Did that mean that maybe he did not love her as much as he had originally thought? He turned around in her hold, and wrapped his arms around her in kind. Regardless of if he loved her or not, he had no choice. He _had _ to love her now. She was his fiancé, and Kagome was an untouchable dream, the same as she had always been.

Inuyasha drifted into a not so sound slumber, his dreams plagued with thoughts of what could have been and what was to be. He was almost glad when dawn started peeking in through the windows, and when the strange tapping noise started.

He pulled the pillow he was using to sleep with over his head, covering his ears with it and praying that the noise would stop. It did not seem to care about what he wanted though, and only continued. If anything, he felt like the noise was getting louder.

"Please stop," he groaned. He felt the mattress move and shift, alerting him to Kaede leaving the bed. He was not sure what she was going to do, but so long as she got the noise to stop, he did not care what she did.

"Inuyasha?" She gently called out, and he groaned in response. "Inuyasha, it is the bird."

That got his attention.

"What is it? Did it come with anything?" he demanded, throwing the pillow off of his head and sitting upright.

The last letter they had sent to Kagome…well…that Kaede had sent to Kagome…that contained a very important question, and they needed an answer to know where they should head next. If she said no…that was almost as crushing as if she had said yes.

"It did. Not a big one though," she informed him as she started to untie something from around its little clawed foot.

"What does it say?"

"Inuyasha, I did not even open it yet! I cannot possibly know what it says."

"Well untie it faster!"

Kaede paused from her work of trying to liberate the bird's foot and looked up at her fiancé, giving him an expression that clearly stated she thought that he was going crazy.

"Would you calm down? You waited three weeks for this letter. You can wait another two seconds, I think."

He sighed and fell back onto the bed, arms and legs spread wide in exasperation. "Yes…but I am anxious. I want to know what she said. She has never responded to a one of our letters, and now when you write her about that—"

"I got it off."

"And?"

"It…it only has one word on it," she told him, climbing on top of him and straddling his waist. She held the paper out to him, and he quickly took it from her.

"Come," he read, and Kaede started giggling and pressing kisses all over his face and neck.

"She wants us to come home for the wedding! Can you believe that? Oh Inuyasha…this is wonderful news!"

"It is," he forced out around the lump in his throat. He was not sure why, but he felt that this would somehow change things…again.

"We better hurry and get dressed," she instructed. "Even though I love seeing you like that, you cannot very well go home as bare as the day you were born. Come on now…hurry!"

He ignored his reddened cheeks and did and Kaede told him, still in a daze, but also very nervous. Why would she tell them to come home? This could not be good.

* * *

She hated being painted. You had to sit still for hours on end with a stiff, straight back, aching limbs, and an itch in your nose. You could not move, no matter how much you wanted or needed to. You could not talk. You could only listen if you were spoken to, and most of the time you were not spoken to…after all…why would someone talk to a person who they knew could and would not respond?

It was dull, boring, and uncomfortable.

She hated it, but most of all, she hated the consequences of what it did to her mind.

She was a prisoner to it. She could not move, could not talk, could not do anything. All of this left her with one option to amuse herself so she would not die of utter boredom, and that was thinking. Unfortunately, the only thing her mind seemed to want to ponder was the _last _ thing she ever wanted to entertain her.

Inuyasha…

It had been four months since she had sent her response to the letter, and she had been consumed by Inuyasha ever since. She just could not stop thinking about how when she saw him next, he would be a man engaged to someone she thought of as her sister. Someone other than herself…just as it was supposed to be. Just as he always wanted it. He had finally won. She was with Koga, and he…was engaged and forever out of her reach.

She had already seen Kaede. They had returned the week before, and both had taken up posts in their former positions, meaning that she saw Kaede and her ring every day. It was a simple ring. Nothing special, just a gold band. No engravings, no design, nothing. That did not change the envy from rising up from in the pit of her soul to take a hold of her being. Every time she saw that ring, she wanted to be the one wearing it because of what it represented: a life with Inuyasha…something that she had been denied ever since she was fifteen. Now, she was eighteen, and he was twenty and their lives had changed greatly. Now she could only look on in envy as Kaede wore that ring.

Kagome mentally sighed. Why was it that she seemed to only be capable of thinking of this? Of the ring and of him and of her courtship with Koga? Fifteen more minutes. That is how much longer she had to endure this pain for, and then she would have her freedom, and in fifteen minutes, she did.

The second the painter put down the brush, she was hiking up her skirts and running for the door. She needed space and the outdoors and to move and run and be free. She slammed her palms against the dark mahogany of the entrance and pushed, finding her way into the hallway and eventually out of the entire castle.

She paused for a moment, enjoying the feel of sunshine on her skin, and suddenly, she had the uncontrollable urge to swim, and the only place she could do that was at their place. The pond she used to go to with Inuyasha when they were both young and things were still simple. Her heart ached, and she needed to go there again, just to see it if nothing else.

She smiled and slipped off into the shadows of her surroundings, oblivious to the ones following her.

* * *

Inuyasha had been in the stables all day. Even though he had been gone from the castle—and the country—for quite some time, it was easy to fall back into his old routine. It seemed that there were some things that could never be forgotten, and this was just one of those things. There was another…thing…that could not seem to be forgotten, not that he could really blame her.

He had thought that he would see Kagome at some point before now since his return, but apparently, she had little to no interest in seeing him. He had done everything in his power before he had left to right their relationship, but she had made no effort to do the same. Honestly, he found her behavior rather childish, but that had not stopped him from writing to her.

He stretched and rolled his shoulders, cracking his neck from side to side as he got ready to take a brief break. As much as he loved the now very old Ash—he still smiled that Kagome had named the horse Koga had given her after him—he could not spend all day in the barn with the horse. He needed some time to himself.

Inuyasha latched the doors to the old steed's stable and the barn shut, relishing the feeling of finally being outdoors. He glanced at the sky and took note of the sun's position in the sky. It had to be well past supper time. Perhaps he could sneak into the kitchens and find something to snack on, or he could get Kaede to do it for him. They seemed to like her more than they liked him, not that he was surprised by this.

He was the Princesses best friend, a former noble, and had the chance to leave the castle and see the world. There are many who envied and hated him, not that there had ever truly been a time when he was liked. People had always seemed to find reason to hate him. Everyone but Kagome always had.

He shook his head from his thoughts and continued onward toward the kitchens in the back of the castle.

He had made his way over to the gardens when he noticed a quick movement in the bushes. He stopped and listened carefully, every nerve in his body on full alert and listening to his surroundings, his old training from years before taking control and telling him what to do. The movement happened again, and he isolated its exact location. Suddenly, a woman burst forth from the brush and darted out of the garden, heading in the direction of the woods not too far from where they stood. Inuyasha did not know what possessed him to run after her, but soon he felt his feet pounding the dirt and rocks below, forcing him in the same path as the woman.

She gave him quite a chase for the first five minutes or so, but once she was in the woods, she slowed down, and so did he. Inuyasha was not sure as to why he wanted to follow the woman instead of confronting her, but he was going off of his instincts: something that rarely led him astray.

She wound her way around trees and over fallen logs, as if following a path she knew by heart, and he felt that he knew this path as well. It was so familiar and distinct…almost like he had come here in his childhood or like he had been here before in his dreams. It tugged at his heart, and his mind was frantically trying to place his surroundings. He knew it so well, yet he could not place any of it.

The woman stopped for a moment, almost as if she was trying to find bearings on her location. She seemed to come to a decision and continued onward. The trees began to dwindle slowly until she led him to a clearing. That is when he knew where he was.

"Kagome…" he whispered quietly.

This woman had to be his Kagome, for this place was none other than _their _ place. It was their pond. He had not been there in years, and it seemed that he had all but forgotten the path to the place that they had spent so much time alone at when they were children…but they were not children anymore. No…Kagome was a grown adult now.

A _beautiful _ grown adult. Now that he could see her face, he could tell that she was so much the same, and yet so different all at once. Her facial features where still as beautiful as they had been when he had seen her last, only now they were more distinct. More profound and angled. Her eyebrows where like delicate brush strokes. Her figure was more shapely than before. It was that of a woman. The only thing that had truly remained the same was her beautiful blue eyes. They were just as he had remembered them.

Inuyasha crept to the tree closest to her and pressed himself against it, peering out from behind to watch her every movement.

His brow furled in worry and puzzlement. Why had she come here? He had distinctly told her years ago that she should stop coming here by herself. It was not safe, and anyone could sneak up on her. It apparently was not that difficult to do, too. After all, he had absolutely no trouble following her here. Stupid girl. That was how you found trouble.

She continued to appear to be oblivious to his presence and watched her as she raised her fingers to the buttons on her dress, slipping each through the hole keeping the cloth closed. What in God's name was she doing? She was not planning on swimming, was she? She started to shrug the cloth off of her shoulders, and his eyes widened further. Apparently, she was. He had to put an end to this. Anyone could be watching her. _He _ was watching her, not that he minded, but that was beside the point.

Inuyasha took a deep breath, and boldly stepped forward from behind the tree he was hidden by.

"What do you think you are doing?" he demanded, startling her from the task at hand. She jumped at the sound of her voice, and turned around to face him, her hands glued to the opening of her dress and her eyes wide with fear.

"Who…" she began, trailing off as her eyes searched his face as if trying to figure out who he was. "Inu…Inuyasha? Is that you?"

Apparently, she was not the only one who had changed over the years.

He smiled ever so slightly, the corner of his lip turning up just a tad. Slowly, he nodded.

"It is me, Kagome."

Her eyes brightened, shining both with happiness and the gathering of tears. She wanted so badly to run to him and hug him. She wanted to take him into her arms and never let go, but she had no such privilege. Still, she did not want to think about why she could not. All she wanted to do was take him in and look at him. He looked so different from the last time she had seen him. He had always been handsome, but now…if you could call a man beautiful, she would. He had always had sharp features, but now, it seemed like they were even more defined. Stronger even.

He distracted her from her visual rediscovery of his features when he walked towards her and started to re-button her dress, removing her stunned hands and placing them by her side. He ran his hands up to her shoulders when he had finished his task and stared into her eyes, taking her in as she did the same.

They had both changed so much, yet they were still somehow the same.

"You have grown up, Kagome."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"No."

"Good. You have as well, you know," she blushed.

"And?"

"It is a good thing too."

His eyes warmed at her words and he squeezed her shoulders just a bit, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into an embrace. She rest her head on his chest and closed her eyes as she breathed in. His scent had not changed. Nothing about him had really changed. In his arms, she still found home. She still felt safe. She still felt like her heart was about to burst out of her chest.

She pulled back from him and cupped his face in her hands.

"You are home…you are really home…"

"I am."

"I thought that I would never see you again. You were so set on staying away for forever…"

"That changed. Things…changed." He looked as uneasy as his words sounded. She could tell. His eyes were the same. They still betrayed everything that he really thought to her, if to no one else. This was her warning that she was walking on thin ice.

She obeyed the warning.

"Well, regardless of if things changed or not, I am still going for a swim. I have been cooped up all day, and I want to stretch my limbs. You are more than welcome to join me. I…I would like that, actually."

He wanted to say no. Swimming, he felt, would open the door to a world of possibilities that should not be explored, and yet his fingers were tugging at his clothing before he could stop them. He was walking to the edge of the pond despite the little voice in his head telling him not to. He was making a mistake, he was sure…and yet….he could not bring himself to care. He could not bring himself to move away from her in the water, and she was not stopping him. She provoked him, splashing water in his face and chasing him just as they had done as children. They spent hours in the water, and finally dragged themselves out to lay laughing and panting on the banks, fingers locked together, just as they had been years ago when everything was still simple.

They laid there simply talking and fixing holes in the fragile structure of their relationship, and when they left, they left with the promise to come back the next day. This promise was not broken by either, and soon, they started to come there every day. By the time a month had passed, it was almost as if Inuyasha had never left. It was astonishing how well everything could be fixed. Soon, as Inuyasha lay on the bank of their special place, next to the woman who had his heart, he began to wonder if his engagement to Kaede was right.

He knew that these doubts had been swimming in his mind ever since they had consummated their relationship, and now, in the dying light of day as he stared into Kagome's eyes, the thought of promising himself to anyone else made him almost retch. He still knew that he could never be with Kagome...but with the way his heart almost felt like it was going to beat out of his chest when she gently brushed his bangs out of his eyes, he had to question his former beliefs. Could he honestly be happy with another, and did he not owe his other the right to be cherished as much as he clearly cherished Kagome?

"What are you thinking about?" Kagome asked him, trailing her hand to rest on his cheek while her thumb started to stroke the bone that lay there.

"Just things…" he replied cryptically.

"And what might these things have to do with?"

"Nothing that you should worry about," he whispered while his eyes studied her face again, just as they had the hundreds of times before over the last month. "You have changed so much…"

"I wish you would stop saying that. It makes me feel like I have changed for the worse."

"No…you have only become more beautiful with time."

The smile that blossomed over her face only made his heart beat that much harder. Her gaze drifted from his eyes to lower down on his face to where his lips were, and in that moment…in a split second, he made a decision that would once again alter his life. He leaned forward slightly, just enough so that his lips were just barely touching hers. He could feel the heat from her skin as he paused, just hovering a fraction of a millimeter away from her. He could tell that she was holding her breath, waiting for him to finally make contact with her. He knew she wanted it desperately. She wanted it as much as he did, but he would not allow it. Instead, he turned his head off to the side and softly nuzzled her neck. He brushed his lips against the soft rosy flesh that he found there, but he would not kiss her. She took a hold of his head and he allowed her to move him so that he was looking her in the eye. She was questioning and hopeful. She was desperate to know where he was planning on leading them.

He smiled down at her and took her hands away from his face. He brought them to above her head, and she raised an eyebrow. He just smirked in response and leaned up to kiss her forehead. He moved down to the raised brow and kissed it as well. He continued down to her nose and kissed the tip and then her chin. He pulled away from her just enough to take in her expression. The light in her eyes spoke of a giddy happiness, but her smile was taunting. She knew what he was building up to, and she wanted him to do it already. What she did not know was what he was building up to, letting the suspense drive her mad inside so that when he finally gave her what she wanted, it would be like the first breath of air after almost drowning.

He moved both of her hands into his left hand, freeing up his right to rest on her cheekbone where his thumb could repeat the actions that hers had done not so long ago. They did not need to speak to know what the other was thinking. They never truly did. They could always read it in their actions or eyes, and she watched his finally drift down to her lips. She wanted it so badly now. He had worked her up to the point where she thought she might die if he did not kiss her soon…and she knew that he knew it. It was a chaste kiss. It lasted only a few seconds, but that was all they needed.

Sweet and innocent.

It was like the rebirth of them. The first official marker in their friendship being restored, and the catalyst that would hurl them into uncharted waters. It was a birth and a death, for with that one simple action they both knew that there was no going back. Everything he had ever said had been proven invalid. All of his attempts at distance and trying to convince both her and himself that there was nothing there had been for naught. In the end, there was no keeping them apart.

He retracted after a moment, and stared down at her, gauging her reaction, which was to only pull him down for more.

The first kiss had been a hello. This one was meant for getting to know each other. It was for exploration and testing each other. Seeing what they liked and disliked. Cautious and curious and in no way felt wrong. When they parted from each other, Inuyasha just hovered above her for a moment, staring down at her. When he laid down in his former spot, a thousand questions started swimming through his head, and he heard Kagome start to voice some of them.

"Inuyasha…what does this mean?"

"I….am not sure…but I think it means something good."

Her resulting smile made his heart soar, until he saw sadness begin to seep into her eyes.

"It cannot be good…Yash…unless you intend to end your engagement with Kaede, and my courtship with Koga. You hardly know what just happened. I am not so sure that we should do anything more until you know what this was, and you know what you want. I am willing to fight for whatever this is, Inuyasha. A month ago, I would not have been, but I am now and I need to know that you are willing to do the same, and I need to know what _this _ is."

That day plagued Inuyasha for the next month as he kept turning her words and those events over in his mind. He could not make sense of what it was that he wanted exactly. What the right thing to do was…and Kaede seemed to sense his inner turmoil.

She had been noticing his odd behavior over the last month, and could not seem to figure out what it was from or why he was suddenly acting the way he was. He seemed distant and more pensive than she had seen him in years, and it was troublesome that he would not let her into his thoughts. He had closed himself off from her, and several times when she had gone to look for him in the stables, he was missing. It was all so unlike him.

She had a million questions swimming through her head, and no answers. She was becoming more and more concerned by the day. Every time she tried to bring it up, he pushed her away. She even tried to make love to him in the hopes of talking to him about it after when his lips seemed to be the loosest, but he dismissed her advances. He would not touch her anymore, and when she tried to touch him, he would just pull back and cast his gaze guiltily to the side.

Kaede was nearing her wits end by the time a month was over. She could not stand his behavior anymore, and she needed answers, and the only way she could think to do that was to follow him. It was not something that she wanted to do, but she needed something. She was worried about him and them, and her greatest fear was that there was now someone else. She did not want to think that, but that was what all of his behavior led her back to believing.

She pretended she was sick one day, and her plan nearly back fired on her. He insisted upon staying back from the stables to look after her, which did put her at ease slightly, but did not help her in the ways of figuring out what was happening to him. She managed to convince him that she would be fine and that he should still go to the stables after much insisting and near pleading.

Once he had left, she changed out of her bed clothes and quietly slipped out of their room and carefully watched his every step as he made his way to the stables from behind objects to conceal her movements. When he made it to the stables, she crouched down by a window and peered through it to watch him take care of the horses. He paid special attention to Ash, and she could not help but giggle a few times at some of his antics with the horses. She was lucky that he did not seem to hear her. She had thought that she might become board while watching him, but she actually found herself becoming quite enraptured by his every movement. Inuyasha had always been a sight to see, but there was something about just simply watching him brush a horse's coat that was absolutely amazing. It was a few hours past mid day when the doors to the barn opened and she watched a woman walk in. Not just any woman though.

"Kagome…I was starting to think that you were not going to come."

Kaede felt a part of her die when she heard those words and saw them embrace. She tried to deny what she saw, but the truth was right in front of her. No amount of telling herself that they had hugged as friends could erase the way her hands had rubbed his entire back or the way that he had gently nuzzled her neck or how they seemed to be clinging to each other. She could not erase how when they parted, he bent down and gently kissed her brow like she was the most important thing in the whole world.

"Of course I am going to come. I need to see my precious Ash, do I not?" Her tone was serious, but Kaede could see the playful light in her eyes. Ash might have been part of the reason she came, but there was a much more virile stallion in the stables that she wanted to see more.

"Oh? You came to just see him?" She could feel her heart breaking even more as she watched him place his hands on her hips, bringing her back flush to his front as he rest his check on the crown of her head while she fed a vegetable to Ash.

"Mmhm…why else would I come all the way out to the stables?"

"I have not the foggiest idea…"

"Come now, Yash, you know I need to see my boy every day."

"And your 'boy' is only Ash?"

"Perhaps…"

They were silent as they watched the old steed happily munch away at his special treat, and when he had finished Kagome gave his velvety nose one more pat before turning to face Inuyasha.

"Have you given it any more thought?"

"I have…but Kagome…you do not know how hard this is. The right thing, the honorable thing, and what I want more than anything are three entirely different paths. I wish that it was as easy as it seems, but it is not."

"I know. That is why I am patient. I know you will make the right choice in the end."

"God…I hope so. I want you so much, Kagome…but there are so many things that make it harder now than ever. I wish that it _were _ as simple as you make it sound."

"I just wish that you would decide soon. There is talk of my engagement. If you have any chance of disputing Koga's claim on me, it needs to happen within the next week."

"I am trying my best, but as I said before, it is not that easy."

"And I appreciate that, Yash. I am just telling you that our time is running thin."

He sighed, but made no comment. Kagome broke away from him and sat down on the bench a few feet from him.

"Can you imagine what it would be like if you had never left?" she whispered, playing with a bit of her skirt.

"I can, but I also know that had I not left, and had I not returned, I would have never appreciated just what I had given up."

"Just like you never really know what you have until it is gone?"

"Yes," he confirmed, sitting down next to her and wrapping his arms around her torso, letting her lean her head upon his shoulder. "In an ideal world," he continued, "I would have asked your father for your hand long ago because I had made it through the program and made something of myself. He would have said yes, and right now, we would be talking about _our_ wedding, or even what to name our first born…but I learned long ago that nothing goes to plan. So many things would be different if they did."

"We cannot change the past, Inuyasha. I learned that there is no point in dwelling in it, even thought I love to think about it. The only thing we can change is the future…but right now, _our _ future is in your hands. I mean what I said that day at the pond. I will fight for whatever it is that we have, but I need to know where you stand and what it is that you want."

"And as I have been telling you, what I want and what is right and what is honorable are different things."

"I know just…please do not keep me waiting much longer."

"I will try my best."

"Thank you. Who would have thought that an almost thirteen year old could purpose to a man, and have him seriously consider it still after all these years?"

Kaede slumped down against the side of the stable, her legs unable to keep her up right anymore. She had heard more than enough, and seen more than she ever needed to. What he wanted, what was right, and what was honorable. She knew exactly what that meant, and she knew that this was why he had changed over the last month. Because of Kagome. Always because of Kagome. Kagome had everything in the world, yet that was not enough. Kagome needed what was hers too. She needed her fiancé. She needed the man that she loved more than life itself as well. She could not just be satisfied with what she had? She was in a courtship with Koga. She did not need Inuyasha. Kaede…she needed Inuyasha. He was her rock, her reason for living, her best friend, the man that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with…but Kagome…

She just could not leave well enough alone. She needed more, did she? Well, she was not going to let him go without a fight.

Summoning enough strength to get back to her room in the castle, Kaede changed back into the same clothes from earlier and slipped back into bed, laying down with her arms under her head.

If Kagome was going to steal Inuyasha away from her, then she needed a plan that would keep her away from him.

Or better yet…

A way to hasten up her own wedding, and a way to speed up talks of Kagome's engagement.

Oh the possibilities! She could start rumors of how Inuyasha had soiled Kagome…but that could back fire. Inuyasha could be beheaded or imprisoned or forced to wed Kagome. No…that would not do…but…Inuyasha had soiled _her._ She could say that she was pregnant, and that the reason she was feeling sick was the baby. But that was not true…and he would be able to tell that she was not when she would not grow from their child. She could say that she miscarried in a few weeks though. He would be too afraid to leave her if she was in such a fragile state. And she could start rumors of how Inuyasha and Kagome had been meeting in secret. Not that he had ruined her, but that they had been seeing each other. Oh yes…it could work!

But…

Did she honestly want it to? Was it worth it to trap a man in something he did not want? _He_ wanted _Kagome _ as much as _Kagome _ wanted _him_. A part of her had always known that he loved Kagome. A part of her had always known that a large part of the reason he left was to get away from what he felt for her. Was it honestly right, then, to trap him like this? If she loved him, really loved him, would she not give him the option of leaving?

No one ever needed to know that he had ruined her. No one ever needed to know that she knew what was going on between Inuyasha and Kagome. If there was one thing she was good at, it was keeping secrets. She had been entrusted with many by Kagome over the years, and she had never once let any of them pass through her lips. She could keep what she knew to herself.

Even so, she did not want to give him up. She knew that she really did love him, but the thought of him with anyone else threatened to destroy her. How could she not want to prevent that from happening?

It was all too much. She did not know what to do, and she found the stress from the situation too taxing as it forced her into an uneasy slumber.

She awakened to the feeling of a hand pressed against her cheek, and a wet cloth mopping her brow. She knew who it was, or so she hoped, but she did not want to open her eyes and look at him. She was afraid of what she would do. He was a stupid, evil, conniving bastard who was going to rip her heart out.

The wet cloth disappeared, and a dry one took its place as it absorbed what the first cloth could no longer hold. When he deemed that she was dry enough, he removed it too and gently kissed her forehead.

Damn him. She deserved better. She was a respectable, good, decent, hard working woman. She was full of love and caring and she deserved someone who would treat her with genuine love and respect. Someone whose kisses were true. She should not have to settle for someone like Inuyasha, who would turn around and kiss Kagome given the first opportunity he had.

But…

She _wanted _ Inuyasha. She wanted him so, so, so very much…and this want only broke her heart more. What grip did he manage to entrap her heart in? Better yet, why had she let him? Why did this even have to happen?

She was not sure when the sobbing started, but it quickly became uncontrollable and impossible for her to keep from Inuyasha. He was by her side in seconds, sweeping her up into his embrace and against his chest, rocking her back and forth in what was meant to be a comforting motion. Instead, it only hurt her more. He was trying to comfort her, yet he was the one causing her this pain. She wanted to push him away and pull him closer all at once. She hated this. All of this. She just wanted it to go away, even thought she knew that could not happen. He was here, and it was quite clear that he was not going anywhere. Damn him. Damn him to the seventh level of hell, and damn his male need to take care of her and others.

And damn her. Damn her for falling in love with him. Damn her for wanting a man who a part of her had always known could never be hers. Not completely. And damn her for clinging to him like a helpless child. Damn her for still loving him. Damn her for still needing him completely and entirely.

"Kaede…what is wrong?"

His words only made her sob more.

"Please tell me, Kaede. You can talk to me."

No…she could not. She could not tell him what she was thinking, or how she was feeling. What good would that do? She did not trust herself at this moment, and with good reason.

"If you do not tell me, how can I fix it? Come on, Kaede. Tell me what is hurting you."

"You cannot fix it."

"Why? What is it? Why can I not fix it?"

"Because…you just cannot."

"You do not know that."

"I do."

"Why?"

"Because I had a miscarriage."

Oh God…what had she done?

* * *

A/N: *Lyric to David Bowie's song Within You (http:/ www. youtube. com/watch? v=y1-l0UN CKJM)

Ok, ok, ok…I know I have been gone forever. All I can do is offer up my humblest of apologies, and pray that you guys don't shoot me. All I can say is that, once again, life got in the way…but hopefully I will be up and running again, just like I used to be! I have a new "cheerleader" pushin me on with this stuff…so with any luck, I will be as good as new in no time :).

Anyways…Thank you SO much to EVERYONE who has stayed true to this story! I really do appreciate everyone who reads, and LOVE everyone who reviews. No liez, I swearz. You guys rock, and you know it! As always, I would GREATLY appreciate any and all reviews. Tell me if you love it, tell me if you hate it, tell me if you think I lost my mind a few chapters back…don't really care. Just tell me what you think :). And hey…since I have been GONE for forever…**feel free to ask me ONE thing about the story or plot including big picture stuff, and I will answer truthfully.** My gift to you. And it will also be your reward for reading the author's note.

Seriously though, _**THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO HAS READ AND REVIEWED.**_ And a particularly special shout out to _**Doki_luv3**_ on MM. If not for you, I might not have picked up this story for ANOTHER few months. You are awesome, you rock, and you reminded me of why I love to write. Much love :).

Enough of the AN, and time for the ARs that I can't get back to via PM! Remember…I respond to EVERY review :).

To: riya

Thank you! I'm sorry about the VERY late update, but life just got in the way :(. There will be plenty more drama in the chapters to come, so stay tuned! I hope that you will enjoy what's to come, and thank you so much for reading and reviewing!


	6. Chapter 5

_**Disclaimer**__: I love the only Inuyasha related thing I own. My cute little chibi inu key-chain which lives out its happy life on my iPod making fashion statements everywhere (Ha! Take that Parris Hilton! You want something hot? Then look at my iPod cuz it's so cute and knows how to accessorize.)_

_Within You_

_By: lil6ter

* * *

_

_You've Run So Far*_

_Chapter Five_

"You…you what?"

"I had a miscarriage."

Oh God…what was she doing? She was never pregnant. There was never a child, and she had never miscarried.

"When…when did it happen? Why did you not tell me that you were with child? Why are you just _now_ telling me?"

"I was just under three months. I did not want to tell you until I was sure the child would take…and you have been so distant lately…"

She drifted off as she watched him start to pace around the room, biting on the nail of his thumb. She could not believe what she had just done. She trapped him, and they both knew it. He would not leave her now that she was so fragile and broken, and even as a part of herself loved that he would be going nowhere, a larger part of her hated everything that she was.

He came to a stop and leaned against the wall, sliding down to the floor and slumping over, dangling his arms over his knees and resting his head upon them. He looked absolutely destroyed, and she was the cause of it.

"Inuyasha…I am sorry."

"For what? It is not your fault the baby died. Do…do you know how our child passed?"

"No. I wish I knew, but I was feeling ill this morning, and then later on…please do not make me continue…"

"No…of course. I understand. I think…I need some time to be by myself for a bit."

He left without another word, and she continued to cry. What had she done? What had she _done?

* * *

_

It was almost time for dinner when she saw him sitting by himself in the garden with his head in his hands on his knees, staring down at the ground. He had been missing for the last two days, and now that she had found him quite on accident looking so devastated…she just needed to comfort him.

She left the castle, and found him the same way she had last seen him. She tentatively reached a hand out and placed it on his shoulder. He jumped slightly at the contact and looked up at her, acknowledging her presence.

"What is wrong, Yash?"

He was silent for a good five minutes or so before he summoned the nerve to utter the four words that would destroy her as much as they had destroyed him.

"I cannot leave Kaede."

She felt her throat dry up like water in a desert. It was suddenly very difficult to speak.

"She...she was pregnant and she never told me about it. She just lost the baby three days ago. _We _lost the baby three days ago. I cannot leave her after something like that. She lost a child. I cannot leave her too. I do not even want to think about what that would do to her."

"Yash…I am _so _sorry…I cannot _begin_ to imagine what the two of you are going through…"

She meant what she had said…but even as she said that, she could not help but mentally question Inuyasha and Kaede having done…_that?_ She had thought that they might have…at one point in time…but the idea that a child had come about from that…she felt like she was going to be sick. She had never read anything from Kaede about them coupling in her letters, either, but she had picked up on hints of it throughout the years. The idea of Inuyasha and Kaede so completely and entirely wrapped in one another left her feeling ill and empty.

You only did that if you were willing to give all of yourself to someone, or you were wed. That was what she had been led to believe, at least. She knew that in _her_ case, she would never do…_that…_until she was wed. The closest she had ever been to a man before was still the night before Inuyasha had been removed from the program. Yes, she had kissed Koga many times before, though she had never once wanted to. That night had been intimate. It was special. To think that Inuyasha and Kaede had been _more_ intimate… Still…she needed to know. There was a part of her that needed to confirm that this indeed had happened. That they had shared in one another as only she had dreamed of sharing in Inuyasha.

"Inu—Inuyasha…have you really done…have you…did you two really…was it not uncommon for…is it honestly possible for the child to have been yours?" That had been the hardest sentence she had ever had to say, and the answer she knew would be just as painful as uttering those words. Still, she knew that he understood what she was asking, no matter how poorly constructed or patchy it had been coming out.

"We have…engaged in…marital acts before, yes."

"I see…so…you would have been the father?"

"Of course!" she had not meant to anger him, but that was exactly what she had done, and it was a terrifying site to see his eyes full of fire and rage. To even suggest that Kaede had been anything short of faithful was a difficult idea for them to absorb. It seemed as likely as a horse giving birth to a bird. "Kaede was just...under…"

She waited for him to continue after he drifted off, but the words never came. "Just under what, Yash?"

"She said that she was just under three months, but…we…that would mean that she would have conceived when we were on the ship coming home, would it not? We have been here for two months…so the child would need to have been conceived on the ship, right?"

"And? Is that not possible?"

"We never…around that time, we did not do anything that would…cause her to become with child. I did not touch her the entire time we were on the ship because of the close quarters and the amount of people on the ship. It was nearly impossible."

"Then does that mean that she was not three months along?"

"Or that the child was not mine."

"Inuyasha…I am so sorry. Is there anythi—"

"I need to go. Right now. Please excuse me, Kagome."

He could not believe this. Had Kaede lied to him? Why would she do that? He had never thought of her as a conniving kind of woman before, but if she truly was lying to him, then he was clearly wrong about her. Suddenly, the right thing, the honorable thing, and what he wanted did not matter. If she had lied to him about this, he would leave. Not so that he could potentially be with Kagome, but because if she had been lying to him about something like this, he wanted no part of her. Her or the life they would have together. Suddenly, he did not care about anything. He just wanted the truth.

He stormed back to their room in the castle and flung the door open.

The room was empty.

Where had she gone? He wanted to get to the bottom of this. Now. He started pacing the room. Who would the father have been? It had to have been someone from on the ship. Who though? He had stayed with Kaede almost the entire time, or at least that is what he thought. It was nearly impossible for the child to have been conceived, then. They were on the ship for almost four months, sailing directly here. That would mean that at the most, she would be just under seven months pregnant. That certainly was not possible either, because she would have been showing long before now. They did not do anything this past month, though he could remember doing…_that_…with her many times in the first month after they arrived home. That meant that at the least, she was pregnant for a month and a half. The more realistic range was a month and a half, to two months, then. Was it even possible for her to know that soon? Something was just not adding up, and he needed her back here. Now. They needed to talk about this. He hoped that this was all just one big misunderstanding, and she had been so hurt at the time that she had accidentally said three months instead of two? That was always possible too, right?

He sat down on the edge of the bed and ran his fingers through his hair.

Yes, it was possible…but it was also unlikely. Very, very, very unlikely. Kaede never made slip ups like that. What he had seen three days ago was a real pain, and there had been a genuine change in her demeanor. She could not pretend to be as sad as she was. Even if there was something wrong about the story she had just given him about the child, that did not mean that the child did not exist at least in one point in time. The child might not have been his, but she was certainly suffering from a loss. And even if there was no child, then what _had_ caused her change in demeanor?

What could have caused Kaede to go so bonkers, that she would fabricate the death of an innocent babe just to hide the truth of some sort of pain? And why would she fabricate the passing of a _child? Their _child?

"Kaede…what have you done?" he whispered to himself. How had their lives become so twisted?

He must have sat there on the bed like that for hours waiting for her to come back, but it did not feel like it. It felt like days until the door to their room silently opened and closed. He did not need to hear it to know she had entered the room though. He could feel her presence, almost.

"Inuyasha…I did not see you tonight at dinner. Are you not hungry?"

"No."

"Really? Are you sure? I would not mind going back to the kitchens to get yo—"

"I said '_no_', Kaede."

The authority in his tone made her pause. There was something different about him. Something almost dangerous, and it set her on edge. He looked like he was a wound up cobra, waiting to strike and sink his venom into her if he was even _looked_ at the wrong way.

"Alright. It was just a question. I am sorry, Inuyasha."

He grunted his head and nodded, rising off of the bed and pacing once again. She watched him, growing more and more concerned by the second. This was not like him. He did not grunt like some brute. He was not snippety with her or cold or anything like this. He did not completely dismiss her.

"Sit down," he ground out after a few more minutes of pacing. He knew what he was doing. It was a tactic that his old teachers used on them when they were about to interrogate them. It set them on edge and made it seem like they did not have the upper hand. Right now, Kaede was going mad on the inside. She was going crazy trying to figure out what was going on and what was wrong. He would pace for a few more minutes, and then…

"How far along were you again, Kaede?"

"I…I was just under three months. Inuyasha…is that why you are acting like that…because of the baby?"

That was it. That was all it took to make him snap, because now he was _sure_ that she was lying about something.

"Oh…not just _the_ baby," he sneered, "because of _your_ baby. It is not possible for that child to have been mine, Kaede. I spent the better part of the last _two days_ morning it, and thinking about it, when suddenly it hit me: the child could not _possibly_ be mine. Do you want to know _why_ Kaede? Go ahead. Ask me."

Suddenly, she did not want to. She wanted to be anywhere but there at that moment. She was terrified. She had never seen him this angry before in her life. She _never_ saw him when he was angry.

"Inuyasha, I—"

"_Ask. Me._"

"How?" she whispered, utterly terrified. This was not him. This was not the man she loved. The man that she would sacrifice all of herself to be with. The fire that she saw in his eyes…the pure maliciousness…this was not her Inuyasha.

"I did the math. I was curious to know just _when_ this little cretin would have been conceived…because the more I thought about it, the more I realized how often we have _not_ had _sex._ I did not even _touch_ you when we were on the ship, which was…guess what…_almost three months ago!_ So tell me, Kaede…if you are _so_ sure that you were _almost_ three months pregnant, _who the hell is the father?_ Do you even _know_ who the father was, or did you just spread your legs for anyone who would push into you?"

"I am not some _whore_, Inuyasha. I did _not_ betray you if that is what this is about!"

"It is about the fact that a child was _conceived_, and to the best of _my_ knowledge, I am not responsible for it. So, unless you climbed atop me when I was asleep on the ship, I do not see how it is mine!"

"I did not betray you!"

"Then how am I the father? What time am I _possibly_ missing?"

She was silent and near tears, but he did not care. He _needed_ answers.

"You know, the more I think about it," he continued, his voice calm and quiet, giving his words a greater sting than before. "The more I am not even sure that there was a child to begin with. The Kaede I knew would not have kept that from me. She would have told me, no matter how I had been acting. And you have not even changed. I have noticed no differences in your body or demeanor. No sickness. No beginnings of a swell. Nothing. So that only makes me wonder: if you are being truthful about having stayed faithful to me, why would you _lie_ about having a child?"

Still, even after that, she was silent, only now, she was openly weeping.

"I see," he whispered. "I know that you are lying about something, Kaede. Be it the pregnancy, or who the father is…but I do not care anymore. I do not think that I can be with you after this."

"Inuyasha, no…please…stay. Do not leave me…"

"Why? Why should I stay when you are lying to me about this?"

"Like you are any better than I am!" she suddenly yelled out, surprising him. He had thought that all of her fight was gone, if she even had any to begin with. "I know what you are doing behind _my_ back. I have seen it with my own eyes. You. And Kagome. Wrapped in each other's arms. Kissing."

The way his eyes widened a fraction told her that she had hit a nerve.

"You thought I did not know? You thought that I would not find out? You two have _always_ been sloppy in covering your tracks, even as children! I had to _always_ come and clean up after you both! What makes you think that now is any different? You still need me to clean up your messes. Tell me, Inuyasha…have you made up your mind between what you want, the right thing, and the honorable thing, or are you going to make her wait longer for you?"

"Why are we even talking about this? We were talking about what _you_ lied about! Damnit Kaede…anything I did was innocent compared to what you have done!"

"No…you are just as guilty in this as I am. You think that I betrayed you, when in reality, the only one who betrayed someone was you."

"I did not betray you with my body! You might have!"

"But I never did!"

"Then the baby was a lie?"

"Yes!"

The room became deathly silent as both took in what Kaede had admitted to. There was never a child in her womb. She had never miscarried. Everything was one giant fabrication for reasons he did not understand. It did not matter. All he needed to understand was that he had been lied to, and lied to about something as important as the existence of another littler person's life.

"Inuyasha…I—"

"All I want to know is why," his soft voice interrupted, hurting her more than a thousand knives going straight through her heart. "Why did you do it?"

"You are going to leave me. I know that you are…and I do not want you to go."

"Do you really except me to stay after all of this?"

Honestly? She did not. The second this conversation ended, she knew that he was going to walk out that door, and he would never be hers again.

"That was before this. Inuyasha, you have been acting so different over the last month, and you would not talk to me about it. The day I was sick? It was not from a miscarriage. It was a lie. I was fine. I just needed to know what was going on with you, so I followed you. I stayed outside of the stables all day, and saw Kagome come. I overheard everything, Inuyasha. I know what was haunting you for the last month, and I know that in the end, you are going to pick her. That is why I was crying that day. Because I knew that I had lost you, if I ever even really had you. In the end, I knew that you would pick her, or you would stay with me because you felt obligated to. I did not want you to feel obligated to me."

"And what do you think telling me you had a miscarriage would do? Make me want to stay out of love, or obligation?"

"I was not thinking when I said that! All I wanted was for you to stay, and that came out! You said you wanted to fix it, and you staying is the _only_ way you can! Could I tell you that though? No. I could not. So instead, that came out."

"So you lied to me…faked the death of a child…all so that I would stay with you?"

"I am sorry, Inuyasha," she sobbed, her eyes red and puffy and her face swollen. "I am so, so, so sorry. I just do not want to let you go. I need you, Inuyasha. Please…I am begging you…do not choose her. Please…please stay. Please stay with me. Your fiancé. Please….stay with me."

She looked so pitiful with her red and wet face. Her trembling lip. Her sad and terrified eyes. He almost felt sorry for her.

Almost.

"I am sorry Kaede, but I cannot."

His words were final and they both knew it. They both knew that even though Kaede flung herself across the room and onto the floor, wrapping her arms around his waist and holding on, it would change nothing. All of her sobbing and begging would not change anything. It was a saddening, really. Kaede…the Kaede he had loved would never do this.

"You need to let me go, Kaede."

He had meant it in more ways than one, and it was not lost on the sobbing woman.

"No…please…please…"

"Let go of me, Kaede."

"No," she moaned through her trembles.

"Kaede, if you love me as much as you say you do…let me go."

She released him.

He never looked back.

* * *

"Your Majesty," Koga bowed down.

"Rise, Koga. Why is it that you have asked for a privet audience at this time of night? I am rather tired, and would prefer brevity rather than formalities. Speak your mind, boy."

"Thank you, Your Majesty. I wished to speak with you in regards to your daughter and certain recent…actives," the man drawled, examining his finger nails as though they were more important than the leader of the country.

"Koga, I have already told you that I do not wish to beat around the bush, especially when it concerns my daughter."

"Of course. I just felt that it is time for us to stop delaying our inevitable engagement in light of her recent behavior."

The King inwardly groaned. This again. Over the last two years, Koga had been finding minor flaws in his daughter in hopes of using them as a bartering tool to hasten his courtship to the level of engagement. He had yet to provide anything note worthy, and he was hesitant to simply hand his daughter over to the boy. He might have been close to Koga's father but that did not automatically reward him with his daughter's hand just because he wanted it. He still needed to see something to prove that he was not only capable of being a good leader and heir to the throne, but also a loving and doting husband to his little girl.

"And what kind of behavior might this be?"

"Only something that would prove rather scandalous should someone other than myself find out. It is just a good thing that I am courting her and willing to over look this behavior."

"Koga, my patience is wearing thin. What has she done?"

"You remember that boy…oh what is his name…_Inuyasha_. That is it."

"I do recall hearing his name in the past," he remembered him quite well, actually. Tashio's son had made a good impression on him at first and had originally proved himself a worthy friend to his daughter despite his status. That changed however after the two of them spent the night together when she was fifteen. It was rather saddening, actually. He had once had high hopes for the boy. "I believe he recently started to work in the stables again. This concerns him?"

"Oh…very much so. You see, I have seen him, with my own eyes, run off into the forest with Kagome for hours on end."

"What?"

No…this could not be. Kagome was not really that stupid, was she?

"And not only have I seen them run off into the woods together, but I have also seen what they do there. I think that you might find this part of extreme interest. You see…there is a pond in the forest that they are rather found of, and it _is _summer."

Koga was thoroughly enjoying the way the King's face paled with each word. He knew that he had trapped the ruler once and for all. Soon, he would be engaged to Kagome, and in a few months time, he would be sinking into her sweet little body and taking up his rightful place as next in line to the throne. It would be a beautiful reality soon enough…but he would need to do something about that willful personality of hers…

"I have seen her strip down to just her undergarments in his presence," he continued. "He often helps her, actually, and then he does the same. They will both jump into the water and frolic around like two dogs in heat. And when they are done with that, they lay in each others' arms, kissing and holding each other. I think that this is _far_ from the behavior a grown woman of her stature should be partaking in, would you not agree?"

He was trapped, and he knew that Koga was pulling a bold move. He was attempting to blackmail him into giving up his daughter, and to name him the heir. The worst part about all of this was that for once, the bastard was going to get his way.

"I do, but I would like my daughter to confirm these accusations herself, Koga. I think that we shall continue this in the morning."

"As you wish, Your Majesty. I trust that you will entertain this thought though before we adjourn. I think that we need to put a stop to Kagome's behavior before anyone else should find out. It would be a shame if people started to think of her as a loose woman. She should be forbidden from seeing this Inuyasha from now on. Furthermore, I would like you to consider our engagement, and a brief one at that. Everyone loves a fall wedding, or so I have heard. The leaves are beautiful then, after all."

"I will take it into consideration," the King ground out.

"Wonderful! I will see you and my _darling_ Kagome in the morning then. Bright and early, I hope?"

"It will be our first order of business."

"Excellent! I will take my leave now then, if you do not mind."

Koga did not even wait to be dismissed. He officially had him right where he wanted him. Now all he needed was to be patient. Everything was working out just as he had planned. Soon…very soon…Kagome would be his.

* * *

He did not know where else to go. It was almost like that first night after being kicked out of the program all over again. He had lost his home, and he had no place to belong. It was the same now as it had been then…only this time he had left willingly. Kaede had been his home for the last two years, and now that he had left her, he did not know where to go. All of his stuff was still with her, for they had been sharing a room together for the past two months.

Now, he did not know where to go. He could always go to the stables, but he did not find that all that appealing. Instead, he found himself standing outside of Kagome's bedroom. He did not plan on spending the night. The last time that happened, it had been the catalyst for the downward spiral his life had taken. He only wanted her help this time. She could maybe find him a room or let him borrow a horse to get to an inn…something. Anything she could do for him, he would be more than grateful for.

Tentatively, he raised his hand and knocked on the hard mahogany wood. He hoped that he was not rousing her…but he sincerely doubted that she would be asleep now, maybe getting ready for sleep, but not asleep yet. The images of her getting ready for bed ran through his mind against his will, yet he did not really try and stop them. Kagome slowly taking off her heavy dress and letting her hair down…her corset slowly being taken off…

Her door was suddenly jerked open, pulling him away from the start of his rather active imagination before it could take a turn for the more salacious. A perturbed maid greeted him, clearly not happy with whatever he had just interrupted.

"What do _you_ want," she ground out, her eyes narrowed into dangerous points. Unless he had done something to Kagome as well, he was not aware of what this maid could possibly be angered by. Unless…unless she was Kaede's replacement for the night. That was not a good sign.

"I am here to see Kagome. She is here, is she not?"

She gave him a sharp nod, pursing her lips together, but made no move to summon the Princess.

"Might I see her?"

"I will go and ask My Lady if she wishes to see you," the woman snarled before slamming the door in his face.

He could only wonder what Kaede had said to her…

Moments later, the same _smiling _face opened the door and allowed him entrance. She brought him into her room and led him over to the desk where Kagome was brushing her long black hair, already in her night clothing.

"Inuyasha," she smiled, running her brush through her hair a few more times before putting it down and dismissing her maid. Once they were alone, she stood up and leapt to him, pulling him into a crushing embrace that he was all too happy to return. He loved the way she clung to him, almost as if without him, she would have no anchor on reality. How she could tell him how much she loved and needed him all in one simple action.

This was just what he needed.

He needed to feel like he was needed and wanted by her. He needed Kagome. He needed her love and her embraces.

He breathed in her scent and sighed. He swore that in her arms, you could find heaven. Kagome was his own personal angle, he was sure of it.

Eventually, she loosened her hold on him and pulled away to look at his face. She must have seen something in his expression that she did not like, for she furrowed her brow and took his face in her hands, cradling it delicately.

"Inuyasha…what is wrong? You look pained, and you never come here at night."

He sighed and took her dainty hands in his.

"I would rather not talk about it tonight, Kagome."

"It involves Kaede. I can tell," she frowned. "She did not come tonight. She sent someone else in her place. Kaede has never done that before."

"Ah…so _that_ is why you had little miss sunshine in here. I swear, if looks could kill, I would have been dead the second I knocked on your door."

She giggled. God he loved her giggles and laughs. He had been so foolish to really think that he could be happy with anyone else in his life. No one could take Kagome's place. He saw that now. It might have taken all of this, but he swore that he would never get married if he could not be with Kagome…but now was not the time for all of this. They had tomorrow to talk about it, and right now he just wanted some security and a place to call his for the night.

"Never…I would not let her kill you. I do not know what I would do if you were to die, Yash."

He did not know how she managed to do it, but somehow…somehow she always managed to find a way to make his heart skip a beat.

"And I, you."

She stood up on her tip toes and pressed her lips to his cheek in a gentle, chaste kiss.

"Kagome," he whispered softly, his gaze darkening slightly as he braced himself for what he was about to do. He did not truly want to ask for her help, but he knew that he needed it. It was that, or become much more closely acquainted with Ash than he would like.

"Kagome, while I do not want to talk about what has happened with Kaede and me, I cannot go back to our room tonight. That being said, I also do not know where I _can_ go…"

The smaller woman made a noise of understanding and tilted her head in thought. "I would say that you could go to your old room, but I do not think that it is unoccupied. You could always stay here, you know…it was just a suggestion, never mind!" she blushed at his bewildered look.

"It…it is not that I do not want to be here, Kagome…it is just that the last time we spent the night together in the same room…"

"I know. I understand, Inuyasha. I do," she tried to dismiss it, but he saw in her eyes that she really wanted him there that night. He wanted to be there too. Badly. But he knew that it was not right, nor was it a good idea.

"I think I know of a place, actually. At least for the night if nothing else."

He nodded and waited for her to put on a robe before taking his hand and leading him out of her room and to the other end of the hall.

"This is normally reserved for guests, but I do not care. You are more important to me than any foreign diplomat."

He sighed in relief and took her in his arms, holding her to him like she was the most delicate porcelain doll in the whole world. She sighed, and he felt her hands soothing his back as she rubbed it in giant circles. She knew he loved it when she did that. It was always an undoing for him and helped to turn him into a giant puddle of boneless goo. Why was he always putty in her arms? He pulled back from her after a few more moments of enjoying her attentions, and allowed her to lead him into the room.

"I will have someone locate a permanent room for you tomorrow. I will ask miss sour puss. I think that she would enjoy doing that."

He laughed at that. "Oh yes…I am sure that she would love finding me a room."

She shook her head and made her way over to the door.

"Good night, Inuyasha. I will see you tomorrow, yes?"

"Of course. Sweet dreams, Kagome."

She never knew that when she left him that night, the next time she saw him, everything would be different.

The next day, the maid that had taken Kaede's place roused her earlier than usual and dressed her for a meeting with her father. When Kagome pressed the girl as to why her father wanted her, she received nothing. All the maid knew was that it was imperative that she go to her father as soon as possible. This set an uneasy feeling in her stomach. Her father never wanted to see her this early in the day without informing her for it the night before.

Something must have happened, but for the life of her, she had no idea what.

Her maid brought her to the room she was to meet her father in, and she felt her uneasiness grow. She did not want to go in, even though she had no choice. There was just something about this entire situation that made her feel like something in her life was about to drastically change.

Slowly, she raised her hands to the doorknobs and turned them, opening the doors and entering the room. Her trepidation only seemed to increase when the first person she saw was not her father, but rather Koga. Her father was there too, and behind his emotionless mask, she could see a barrage of emotions running rampant in his eyes. Sadness, fear, and disappointment were just a few that she could discern.

She made her way towards the pair and waited for them to begin. It was her father who spoke first.

"Kagome…Koga came to me last night with some interesting…accusations."

"What kind of accusations, father?"

"Have you been running off into the woods with Inuyasha?"

He did not need a verbal confirmation. He knew his daughter, and he knew that Koga had been telling the truth the second he saw her reaction. He sighed and turned to Koga, giving him a nod. That nod…it made her blood run cold.

Koga stepped forward and took her hands in his, grinning down at her.

"Kagome, I have courted you for the last two years, and enough is enough. I love you with all my heart, which is why," he paused, getting down on one knee and presenting an elaborate ring, "it would be my honor to call you my wife. Kagome, my darling, will you marry me?"

Was he asking her to marry him, or had this been decided for her. Something told her that it had been decided for her.

"Koga…I…this is so sudden…I do not know what to say…"

A blatant lie. She knew _exactly_ what to say, and it started with a 'no', and ended with 'way in hell'.

"Then say yes, my darling. You will be just as happy with me as your husband as you are with me now."

"I…I cannot, Koga. No, I will not."

The man's eyes narrowed into dangerous points as he stood and glared at her father, his ruddy face reddening even more out of clear anger.

"Leave us, Koga. I need to have a word with my daughter," the King dismissed and the man stomped out of the room like a spoiled two year old who did not get his way. Once the doors had slammed shut, the King began what he knew was going to be a very difficult conversation.

"Kagome…you will marry Koga. You have no choice in the matter."

"Father, please…do not make me marry him. I do not love him."

"Love does not matter. You will come to love him"

"I have already _tried_ to love him. I have tried for the past two years since you started our courtship. I cannot. I…I love someone else, and I always have."

"Then do not love this other person."

"How am I to do that? You cannot turn your heart on or off at will!"

"I do not care what you do, Kagome. Just see to it that it is done. We are going to have a masquerade next week in honor of your engagement to Koga. It has already been decided."

"Decided without me. Of course. Why should we even _think_ to consult me about _my_ future?"

"You lost that right when you were unfaithful to Koga and ran off into the woods with Inuyasha!"

Kagome wrapped her arms around herself, trying to pretend that it was Inuyasha who was hugging her instead of herself. That it was Inuyasha lending her his support and strength against this, instead of bearing it alone. Alone…that is what she would be if she really had to marry Koga. Unless she could take Inuyasha as a lover on the side, but could she really do that to either him or herself? Would that really be enough? Would it have to be? Would he even agree to it? This was all something that she needed to discuss with him. Still, how did her father know about Inuyasha and herself?

"How did you know?"

"Koga. He has been keeping a close eye on you, and judging by your reactions, I would say that everything he has told me is true. Have you stripped down in his presence and gone swimming with him, Kagome?"

The way he spat that made her feel dirty. It almost felt like her own father was calling her a whore.

Still, she steeled herself and looked into his eyes. She was not ashamed of her time with Inuyasha. He made her feel beautiful and strong, and she held onto those feelings to face her father.

"I have."

"And you have kissed him?"

"Yes."

"And this is the man that you love?"

"With all my heart, Father. I can love no other like I love him…and he can love no other like he loves me."

"Have you given him your innocence?"

"No," she blushed as images of giving herself to Inuyasha flooded her mind.

"But should he ask you to, you would." It was not a question. It was a statement, for they both knew the answer to his question.

"I would."

"Then you are to see him no more."

"I will not do that. I will marry Koga if I must, but I will not stop seeing Inuyasha, Father. I need him, and I will need him if you expect me to survive as Koga's wife for the rest of my life."

"Fine then." His words calmed Kagome's frantically beating heart. He would force her to marry Koga still, but he would not take Inuyasha away from her…or so that is what she believed for one blissfully perfect second. "If you will not stop seeing him, then I will just have him executed."

"What?" Kagome chocked out. How could her own father be doing this to her! And to Inuyasha! He was a good man. He did not deserve this!

"I do not think that you appreciate the severity of your actions, Kagome. You never have where this boy is involved. He destroyed your reputation once. I will not allow it a second time. Koga knows of your unfaithfulness and your actives with him, and is willing to over look it. He has also offered his silence on two conditions, and you will heed them."

"I do not care of my reputation! Let them think what they will!"

"Kagome! That is enough! You will marry Koga, and you will stop seeing this boy!"

"He will not let me go so easily. Not when he knows how much I love him."

"Then tell him you do not."

"I cannot…I will not lie to him," she whispered, tears starting to gather at the corners of her eyes. "Not about this…not when he will see right through it."

"Kagome, you are leaving me with no other choice. Tell him, or I will have him executed."

There really was no other way out of this, was there? Kagome found it impossible to continue to support her weight and fell to her knees. She needed to let him go so that he could live. She needed to destroy him to keep him safe. Why had she been put into this situation? Why did Koga need to follow her? Damn him. Damn both of them.

"Please…Daddy," she sobbed, reverting back to what she had once called her father as a young child. "Please…do not make me do this. Give me this one small happiness. Do not make me lose him. Please…Daddy, I am begging you. I will marry Koga, but let me keep him in my life. Let me keep Inuyasha. I need him. I need him so much… Please…"

The King closed his eyes, blocking out the heart wrenching image of his daughter begging for the life of the man she loved, and for the allowance to still see him. He did not want this anymore than she did, but there are necessary evils in life that everyone must face. He had tried to save his daughter from these evils for as long as possible, but he no longer could. The young man's fate was up to her now.

"You may see him one more time to bid him good bye, Kagome. After that, you are to stay away from him. Forever. It has been decided."

He left his sobbing daughter alone in the room to work herself out, wishing more than anything that he could comfort her and that it did not have to be like this for her.

He hated himself as much as she did, but he did this because he loved her more than anything else in the world. Life was not fair, and if you were of royal blood, sacrifices had to be made. He just wished that his daughter did not need to make this sacrifice.

He could only pray that one day…one day she would understand, and one day she would forgive him. He hoped that he would still be alive to see that day.

* * *

Inuyasha had spent most of the day thinking of how he was going to tell Kagome that he and Kaede were no more. He knew that she more than likely already knew this, but still…some things you cannot just assume. You need to hear it, straight from the horse's mouth. He had thought that he might need more time to think about what he wanted now that they had split, but really, why would he need more time to think? He had been thinking for an entire month.

Ending things with Kaede…it was like a giant weight had been lifted from his shoulders, and in doing so, he now had a much clearer and more level head. He was able to listen to his heart. It surprised him, actually, how little time his heart really needed to get over Kaede. This was probably due to the fact that he had never really loved her, but this was beside the point. He now knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that the only one in his heart was Kagome.

He knew now that she was the only thing worth fighting for in his life.

He knew that he loved her, and he knew that he needed to tell her, and tell her that he would do whatever it took to call her his. Completely and entirely his.

That thought…if a man could be giddy, that thought made him giddy.

His Kagome.

God he loved the sound of that.

He sighed as he fed the horses fresh oats.

He really was a love struck fool, was he not? He had to have been wearing the biggest, goofiest smile right then, thinking of what it would be like to finally just say to hell with propriety and social standards. For once, he was going to go after what he really wanted, and everyone else be damned if they did not like it.

He glanced to a window and took in the suns position in the sky.

Kagome was much later today than usual.

He shrugged it off as her over sleeping. Again. That girl should have been born a cat with as much as she liked to sleep. Suddenly the thought of Kagome with giant cat ears, claws, and a fluffy tail entered his mind, and he just could not seem to get rid of it. It was utterly hilarious, and he found himself laughing at it.

He thought that she would actually make an adorable cat creature if one were to exist.

"What do you find so funny?"

Inuyasha turned around to find the object of his musings with her arms crossed under her bosom, and a raised eyebrow.

His resulting smile at seeing her there made her insides turn to goo. He was going to make this so hard, she could already tell, and she had not even broken him yet.

"Nothing that you should worry about, Kagome," he consoled, taking her in his arms and resting his cheek on the top of her head for a moment before pulling away and kissing her forehead. He felt positively giddy and energetic and it was like he could see clearly for the first time in years. It was almost as if a burlap sack had been over his head for the longest time, and only just now had it been removed.

"Kagome, I have something I need to talk to you about."

"I…I do as well, Yash."

"Oh…well, would you like to go first?"

"No!" she said quickly, causing him to raise his brow at her. "I mean…you said something first. I think that it is only right if you go first."

"Are you sure? I can wait a few moments."

"No, go ahead."

"Alright," he chuckled. She seemed nervous today, but he chalked it up to her somehow knowing that he had made his decision.

He led her over to their special bench and sat down. This bench…it had so many memories for them. This was where Kagome had proposed all those years ago, and now…as funny as it might sound, now on this same bench, he was going to do the same. He was going to accept, and propose right back to her. After telling her about Kaede, that is. He even had a ring for her. Well, not a ring per say, but it was a place holder until he could get a real one. One that she deserved. It was just a bunch of horse hair tied in a bow like ring, but he knew that she would over look what it was, and look to what it represented.

"Kagome, I—"

"Wait!" she interrupted.

"Alright…what is it?"

"I…before I forget…I just," she swallowed the giant lump in her throat and pushed forward, "I just wanted to tell you that I found a room for you. It is not much…but it is something, and it is better than what you had when you were in the program. It is on the same floor as Kaede though, but it is three doors on the right from the stairs."

"Oh Kagome…you are an angle, do you know that? A beautiful, wonderful, loving, kind angle."

Why did he have to say those things? Why did he have to make this so hard?

She just smiled as best she could, and prodded him to continue.

"Last night I was not able to…or did not feel that it was right, rather, to tell you about what happened between Kaede and me."

As he said this, she could not help but somehow pray that they had stayed together, even though she had more than enough evidence to tell her otherwise.

"After we spoke in the garden, I confronted her. There was something that…just did not add up about her pregnancy, and she admitted to fabricating the whole thing, including her miscarriage. I left her on the spot. She said that she had done it because she knew what was going on between us, and she did not want to lose me, but…I think that in reality, she already knew that she had. I am not necessarily proud of how I left things with her, but I know now that it needed to be done. Our relationship…from my end, at least…was just one big farce. I know that now. I…I have a clear head now Kagome. I know what I want."

She suddenly did not like where this was going. Had all of this happened yesterday, she was sure that right now her heart would be pounding with joy rather than sorrow.

He paused for a moment, and his hands started to fidget. She wanted so badly to take them in her hands and give him a look that said that she understood. A look that told him that it was going to be alright.

It would be a lie.

"It seems like almost yesterday that we were in this same room, on this same bench, talking about how we had to change the day of your thirteenth birthday. You remember it as clearly as I do, do you not?"

"I do," she whispered, and it was true. She remembered everything about that day, and she wished that she could go back to that day.

"I…I still remember hearing you say that you did not want to get married to some forty year old virgin who would treat you like a baby machine. I remember asking you who you would marry then, if you could choose someone. Instead of giving me a name right away, do you remember what you did?"

"I listed qualities."

"You listed qualities," he nodded. "They had to value you. They needed to be close to your age. They needed to be very, very, _very_ handsome...and I do believe that you said all three verys were necessary. And last but not least, you said that they needed to be your friend."

Oh God…it was coming. There was no other reason to bring this up if he were not going to really and truly propose to her.

"Kagome…I have spent the last two years running, and I am done. I have been running from how I felt, how I knew you felt, and I have been running because I thought that it was the right thing to do. I thought that if I cherished you as much as I did, I would not tarnish your reputation. I let society tell me what was right. I let propriety get in the way of what I knew to be true…but if it were not for that time away, I would have never seen that. If it were not for coming back, and seeing you again, I would have never known what I was going to let slip through the cracks between my fingers, because I have always had you. I have had a bag over my head all these years, and I never knew it till now. I can see clearly, Kagome, for the first time in my life. You knew it long before I was willing to see it though, and you did something long before I was man enough to admit it. You proposed to me. Right here, in the same spot we are sitting in now."

Here it was…here was the big moment that he had been leading up to. He just needed to take a deep breath and just push forward.

"I value you, Kagome. Even though my actions do not always seem like I am doing what is best for you, I always have you in my heart when I do them. Leaving…leaving was how I tried to protect you from me. I felt that I was bad for you, but I was all wrong. I value you, Kagome. I more than value you…I _cherish_ you. I am close to your age. I am only two years your senior, but I am no forty year old virgin, and I am no pubescent male. I…I like to _think_ that I am at least somewhat attractive. I might not cover all three of your verys, but I like to think that I at least am worthy of one. I am your friend, Kagome. Not just any friend, but you have told me so many times over the years that I am your best friend…and I might not say it enough, but you are mine. You are the person I always turn to with every little problem that I have. I confide in you. I share my triumphs and failures with you. With you…I have found home.

That day when you proposed to me, I was in shock. I never thought you meant it, but as time went on I saw that you did. I never gave you an answer, though. I have probably made you wait the longest anyone has ever had to wait for an answer, but I am giving it to you now. Yes, Kagome. I want to be your husband, and I would be honored to be called that. It would be a privilege to call you my wife…but since so much time has passed, I feel like the question must be renewed."

Inuyasha got off from the bench and kneeled down before Kagome, digging through his pants pocket and producing the horse hair ring.

"This might not be much…and I am sorry for that…but this will just be a place holder, I promise. I will find you a much better ring. A ring that you deserve, because even though you are the nation's princess, you are _my_ princess. My angle. You are what keeps me grounded. You are the reason I get up in the morning. I find your name on my lips when I rise, and when I sleep. I know that I am not much, Kagome…but that has never bothered you before. Kagome, I love you. I love you more than life itself, and that is why I am asking you to marry me. I am asking you to do me the honor of being my bride and wife, and there would be no greater honor in the world than to call you my own. So, Kagome…will you marry me?"

Yes. She wanted to say yes so much, with all of her heart. His proposal had been beautiful and sweet and meaningful. It was so much better than Koga's, right down to the horse hair ring. Not only did his proposal mean more to Koga's and show more of who he was, but it had also been the first time Inuyasha had said he loved her, He had implied it many times before, but the words had never left his lips.

Yes. That is what she wanted to say…

"I…I am sorry, Inuyasha, but I cannot accept, nor do I want you to."

Kagome watched his face change from nervous excitement to misunderstanding to denial to sadness to heartbreak.

"I do not understand, Kagome," he whispered, rising from his kneeling position to a standing one, turning around to try and compose himself and ward off the pricking sensation of tears at the corners of his eyes. He kept replaying what he had said to her over and over again. What did he say that had made her want to say no? Or was it the stupid horse hair ring. Damnit, he knew he should have waited until he could afford a real one instead of this…this stupid piece of…of nonsense! What was he thinking?

"What is there to not understand, Inuyasha? I do not want to be your bride. I thought that I had made that clear."

"But why?" he cried out, whirling around to face her, hands clenched and knuckles white. "Was it something that I said? Was it the ring?"

"It was neither."

"Then why? Over this last month you have been telling me that you wanted to fight for us and that…that you wanted this. If it was not what I said or the ring, then what has made you change your mind?"

"I did some thinking after I saw you last night. Some real soul searching, and what I found was that I no longer love you, if I ever did. That is why I came here today. I wanted to tell you that I do not love you, and I never have. I was just…delusional and rebellious. I am sorry that I led you to believe otherwise and that I could have feelings for someone like you…but…but given light of what just happened, I think it best if we were to never see each other again. Even as friends."

She did not know how she had managed to say this with a relative straight face, but the look on his told her that even with her impassiveness, he did not believe her.

"Is this what you truly want, Kagome?"

No. What she wanted was him. What she wanted was to have that horse hair ring around her finger. She wanted to be in his arms, clinging to him as she pressed kisses all over his face and lips.

"Yes."

He nodded and a tear escaped the corner of his eye. He reached up to wipe it away, and closed his eyes for a few moments. She should have left then, but she could not. This was the last time she was ever going to see him. She hated her father and Koga so much right now. They were the ones at fault for making him feel this way. They were the ones forcing her to say good bye to the only man she knew she would ever love.

She rose from the bench, and reached up to cup his face, wiping away another tear that had fallen.

"I am so sorry, Inuyasha. You cannot begin to fathom how much I wish all of this were not so. You will always be special to me, no matter what."

Staring into his reddened eyes was the hardest thing she had ever done. Whispering good bye was the next hardest thing. She turned to leave him and started to walk away, only to be halted by the hand darting out and grabbing a hold of her wrist. She felt herself being spun around, and lips crashed onto hers.

He was rough and demanding, forcing her into submission, and even though she knew that she should resist, she honestly could not summon the want or the effort to push him away. This was their good bye, and she needed this as much as he did. She needed to feel the bruising pressure of his lips slammed into hers. She needed to feel the desperation as he sought out her tongue and proved his domination. She needed to feel him pouring every ounce of himself into this one action, one last time. She needed to feel the love he felt for her with every turn of his head, every slight movement of his lips. She needed to know that he would always love her, and in turn, she gave that back to him. She could only say with this one last action what she truly wanted. That she did want him. That she would always love him. That she was doing this for his own good.

The kiss turned less desperate, and more passionate as he felt her pouring her love back into him. He felt the barest flicker of hope well up in his chest. When she kissed him back, he could tell for sure that there was something wrong with everything that she had just said. That she did not want to say it, but still needed to. He knew that she loved him. She would not nibble on his lip if she did not. She would not duel with him as she did if she did not. She would not be clinging desperately to his shirt if she did not. She would not be trying to pull him in if she hated him like she said she did.

They broke away, gasping for air and Kagome felt him rest his head on her shoulder, his hot breath fanning over her skin. They stayed like that for a moment longer until he felt Kagome start to pull away from him. This time though…this time he let her go. He watched as she shakily made her way to the entrance, and just before she walked away from him forever, he spoke.

"I do not why you feel you need to say this to me, Kagome, but I know that you are lying…and I will find out why."

She turned pleading eyes on him, letting her mask fall and silently begging him not to. He could see now more than ever that there was something wrong, but he could also see that the little charade she had put on moments ago had not only been a lie, but a warning. She had tried to break his heart on purpose, and he swore that he would find out why. He would not be able to let her go until he did.

Kagome ran then, heartbroken and sobbing into the garden. Her instructions had been specific. Destroy Inuyasha, then go to the garden to meet Koga. There, she was to beg him for forgiveness, and accept his proposal.

It was not long before she found him, and dried her eyes before approaching him.

She did as she was asked. She begged him for forgiveness, and he accepted. She told him that she wanted to be his bride. That her mind had been clouded earlier, and nothing would bring her greater pleasure in the world. He slipped his ring on her finger, and all she could think of was that she wished it were made of horse hair.

* * *

A/N: *dun own lyric. See other chapter for who does.

Hey y'all! Sooooooooooo…my sister is pregnant…soooo…if I die off for lil bit, it's cause she might be moving here. In theory, no one should know about this…but I have a big mouth. I'm quite literally tellin the world, LOL! That helped make this update a bit slower. That, and it's been hard writing the next chapter. I'm officially closing up the loop, and it's hard to connect the two pieces. I have NO idea when the next chapter will be up, but hopefully soon!

I know. Koga's a bastard. But this is why she was trying to get RID of Inu at the beginning of the story. And, at long last, Kaede if outta the picture! YAY! I also personally think that guys should ask me to write their proposals, but that's just me ;)

Anyways….thanks to all who read, and a special thanks to everyone who reviewed! You guys rock and are the reason I keep going :).

Now, the AR's!

To: riya

I'm glad you liked it! It honestly depends upon how difficult it is to write each chapter, but I hope that my updates will be sooner and just as enjoyable! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I hope that you will continue to do so!

Inumate-n-lover

Thanks! I'm glad you have liked the story so far for the most part! Thank you for reading and reviewing! I hope that you will continue to do so!

To: oniguts

Yes! I am! And it's good to hear I was missed :). LOL! As you can see…he did eventually see through her lies, and it didn't take him TOO long, either. Thanks for reading and the review! I hope that you will continue to do so!

To: Ocelot125

Thank you! I'm glad you liked it :). Honestly? I'm not sure how long the story will be...I know that I will be connecting the past and the present in the next chapter, but I'm not sure how long the "future" will take. I try to let the characters emotions shine through. I feel like it is just a part of my writing style, but I'm glad to hear that you like it! Thank you! I hope that your holidays were fantastic :). Ahhhhhh…the task...close, but no cigar. That is all I can say…but we should be getting to that part in another chapter or so, I do believe. Don't forget though…Ash is no young stallion anymore. He's an oooooooooooooold horse now. Thanks for reading and reviewing, and I hope that you continue to do so in the future!

To: Dana Rivera

Hahahahahahahaha! Thanks! Most people are normally completely and entirely appalled by the idea of Kaede in Kikyo's normal spot, but it's good to hear that you appreciate it! I should be using Kikyo for something else later on though, so we should still have an appearance by her. Thanks! I'll try and get stuff done as fast as possible, but it will still be hard. These chapters are relatively long, after all… Thanks for reading and reviewing! I hope that you will continue to do so!


	7. Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time there was an author named lil6ter. Lil6ter was a young girl, just barely the age of 16. Lil6ter had decided to write a fanfiction called White Rose: a spinoff of beauty and the beast. Lil6ter loved white rose, and posted a new chapter every two weeks on Friday like clockwork. Lil6ter got older, and soon it was time for her to finish her story, White Rose, which she dearly wanted to publish. She finished her book, but then it lay there forgotten as time went on and she graduated from high school and started college. It sat there and sat there, collecting dust from in the inner memory of her hard drive and USBs. Lil6ter came back to White Rose several times in an attempt to work on it and edit it so that she could try and publish it, but each time she stopped because she had grown to hate the book she had once written so lovingly.

Then, one day, a month ago, Lil6ter had a dream. It was about her beloved White Rose. She dreamt of her characters and the story…but this time it was different. Everything about the story was different. The plot was better, more interesting. Beauty hated the beast when she first met him. There was blood and potions and monsters. Their love had grown slowly, instead of overnight. It had left Lil6ter excited and wanting to see more.

It was then that Lil6ter had decided to do something she had never thought she would ever do.

Lil6ter decided to rewrite her beloved book.

Now, the only thing that Lil6ter had to do was decide on one thing:

Did she want to post it online as a fanfiction again, or keep it hidden, treasured to herself and buried deep within her heart as her own special little prize. Lil6ter tossed and turned for nights, trying to decide what to do. Share it, or keep it?

It was on the third night of this pondering that Lil6ter had another idea: she would ask her beloved followers who had stood by her ever since she posted her first fanfiction. Lil6ter wanted to know what _they_ thought.

An now, Lil6ter is asking everyone: what should she do?

Should she be selfish and keep it to herself, or should she post White Rose once more, only this time, her beloved story will be called something else. It would be called Thorn of Damnation, and it would be posted once every two Fridays just as before.

You have heard Lil6ter's plight, now…she awaits your thoughts.

* * *

On a special side note, I will be posting a new chapter to this story very soon, but I wanted to ask about this first, because between the two...well...White Rose means more to me.

If anyone has been having a hard time posting a new chapter to a story, feel free to review or PM me. I will tell you how to get a new chapter up. Many thanks to DarkPriestess66 for the help posting!


	8. Chapter 6

_**Disclaimer**__: I love the only Inuyasha related thing I own. My cute little chibi inu key-chain which lives out its happy life on my iPod making fashion statements everywhere (Ha! Take that Parris Hilton! You want something hot? Then look at my iPod cuz it's so cute and knows how to accessorize.)_

_Within You  
By: lil6ter_

Your Eyes Can Be So Cruel*

_Chapter Six_

It was the stares that he been his undoing in the beginning.

Pity in onlookers gazes as he walked through the halls.

Then, it had been the whispers.

Whispers about Kaede. Whispers about Kagome. Whispers about himself and his stupidity. Hatred had joined soon after.

Then, the mocking had come in conjunction with the physical brutality.

He could handle three or four men on his own, thanks to his training when he was in the program, but six or seven? That's when it had become too many, and it showed. He had walked around with bruises and cuts on his body: a physical representation of what the Kingdom really thought of him.

Inuyasha knew that he could hide the marks. He still had the salve that Kagome had given him, but he saw no point in it. Using the salve would hurt worse than the endless punches and kicks he received on a near daily basis. Even if he did use the salve, the bruises would just be replaced soon after with more.

If this were not enough, even when he slept his situation seemed to plague his dreams.

The beatings.

The whispers.

His proposal.

Despite everything, however, what really killed him was Kagome…or rather, Kagome and Koga.

She had said no to him, yet, she said yes to Koga.

Koga.

He knew Kagome. Despite what she had said to him that day, he knew that this was not what she wanted. Koga was the epitome of what she never wanted in her life. He was _exactly _the kind of person she had dreaded getting married to, yet there she was, walking around with his ring on her finger.

That is what really made him sick.

He would never forget the day he found out about their engagement. He had heard whispers about it in the halls through the maids, but he refused to believe it. They made up storied about things all the time.

No, he had told himself that he would believe it when he had seen it, and when there was an official announcement.

He had been taking a break from being in the stables, and decided to take a walk through the garden. He did not know why he had chosen the garden. It was filled with memories of he and Kagome as children, teens, and adults.

He sat down on one of the stone benches and started thinking more about his last visit with Kagome.

She had to be lying to him. That was the only explanation for how she had behaved. He refused to believe that she would truly want to be apart from him like that after everything. Besides, when he had kissed her that last time, he had been able to see the real truth. She had kissed him back with a passion that rivaled his own for her. He could feel her love for him through the same lips that had told him the exact opposite. She needed him just as much as he needed her, and he needed Kagome like air.

With out it, he would die, just like he would die without her.

He had been contemplating Kagome for the last twenty or so minutes when he heard something that had set his senses on high alert. He was not sure what it was, but he trusted his instincts with his life.

Something was there.

He got up from the bench and started looking around.

Then, he saw them. Kagome on the arm of Koga.

He had ducked behind a bush, despite his better judgment, so that he could spy on them and see what they were going to do. Normally, he would not have even considered something. If it were anyone else, he would have kept to himself…but this was not a normal situation, and this was not just anyone.

This was Kagome.

He watched them as they walked, almost silently through the garden.

If he were to take their actions at face value, then he would be led to believe that they were a couple who were very much so in love.

He did not, however.

He looked past the facade that Kagome had chosen to put on, and saw that she hated being with Koga in that moment. He could see that it was making her sick, holding onto his arm. She wanted to be as far away from him as possible.

It was then, when he was looking at the way she held him, that he saw it.

Her ring.

It was perched smugly on her ring finger on her left hand. It was almost as smug as its owner.

The bastard.

He had everything he wanted now. He had Kagome, power, the Kingdom, and he was next in line to the throne.

It made him sick that the maids were right.

What made him sicker, however, was the knowledge that Kagome was going to spend the rest of her life with this chubby, red faced, pig! Did her father truly want his daughter to be miserable? To not have a decent future? To not have a good, caring husband? To not have someone want to wed her for the power that was sure to come with it?

He was so sick to his stomach that he almost succumbed to the vile that was rising up his throat and vomit, but he somehow managed to get a hold of himself and left the garden.

For once, Inuyasha felt that the familiar walls of the stable would offer him the stability that he needed right now. He needed something secluded, yet warm right now.

When he got back, he located one of the horse's brushes and started shakily grooming the very old Ash. Normally, this would be able to calm him. Normally, he would be able to lose himself in the process, but today, he could not. Not after what he had seen.

All he could think about was Kagome. It was like he had no control over his mind anymore, if he ever had any to begin with.

Kagome's sparkling eyes, her beautiful smile, her laughter, her kindness…everything that he loved about her was now and forever out of his reach and given away to Koga.

He dropped the brush, his fingers unable to hold onto it.

Was this why she had scorned him? Because she had to wed Koga? She would never wed him of her own freewill. She had to have been forced.

He wished that she had told him and been honest with him when she had cast him out of her life. Then, maybe, they could have come up with a way together to get her out of this engagement to Koga.

Something.

Anything.

There had to be a better, different alternative to her being with him.

He needed to sit down. Grooming was not helping him the way it normally did. He still felt sick, and he still could only focus on what had just happened.

He let his body fold in on itself when he sat down, slumping against his knees.

His life had turned into one giant joke.

"Come now, today would be a great day for a ride. The sun is shining, it is not too hot out, and there is not a cloud in the sky!"

Inuyasha did not need this on top of everything else.

"Please…if there is a God, let them come back another day…" he whispered.

"I am not so sure…I only agreed to a stroll this afternoon, not a horse ride."

That was Kagome's voice.

He felt his heart start to beat faster at it. That was Kagome and Koga. They were the ones who wanted to go for a horse ride.

Koga did at any rate.

For some reason, Inuyasha had a sinking suspicion that the only reason the bastard wanted one with Kagome was to rub it into his face that he was with her.

"But Koga, I—"

"Ah ah! No buts. You will love it, trust me," he cooed as he pushed the door to the stable open.

His eyes were drawn to her like a moth to a flame.

She was beautiful, still. Not that this would ever really change, he conceded, but she looked miserable, nervous, and worried.

"Koga, please," she whispered.

"No. Inuyasha," Koga finally turned his attention to him. "I want you to ready two horses."

He could only numbly nod in reply as he stood up from his place to get the saddles and blankets. He could have sworn that he felt a pair of eyes on him as he put everything on the horses, but each time he looked over to Kagome, he saw her looking away from him either at Koga or the ground. She refused to meet his gaze.

"They are ready," he whispered when he was done.

"Kagome, my darling, come. I do not want to waist any more daylight."

Koga was being so fake he wanted to vomit. And punch him as he walked by, slamming his shoulder into Inuyasha's. Somehow, he had managed to find one of his bruises, and applying pressure to it like that was a less than favorable experience.

Inuyasha just grit his teeth and glared, rubbing his right shoulder with his hand as Kagome gently rest her hand upon the same shoulder. She looked at him apologetically as she gave him a light squeeze.

"Would you like help getting up, my Lady?" he whispered.

"Yes…thank you, Inuyasha."

He took her hand, leading her over to the horse that Koga had not chosen. It was her left hand.

He stared at her ring while she climbed atop her horse, and she could not help but notice where his attention was.

"It is a beautiful ring," he complimented after a moment, still not letting go of her hand. It was made up of about fifteen large diamonds, the largest being in the center, surrounded by just as many pearls on the outside of the oval.

He could have never given her something like that.

"Inuyasha, I—"

"Sh…say nothing," he murmured as he rubbed her knuckles with her thumb. "I hope that you enjoy your ride, my Lady."

There was a finality in that sentence.

"Inuyasha, one day…one day I hope that I can tell you everything, but…I cannot right now. Not for a long time. Please understand."

And he did.

That had been the last time he had seen her. She had been avoiding him ever since, and he had started making it a point to go to the local taverns at night.

Especially the night he heard the maids whispering in the halls about the up coming masquerade. It was to be their engagement party, no doubt.

That is when he snapped.

He refused to wait until later to get answers, and he refused to let Kagome marry that pig.

As he got ready that night, he slipped something into his pocket.

* * *

The orchestra was beautiful: the best in the land, though that was to be expected. They always had the best here. The best food, the best music, the best clothing, the best artwork: no one else could compare. The hum of the instruments warmed the air on the cool night, and added to the joyful feel of the party. The masquerade had been her father's idea. She thought that it would be a foolish one, asking for something terrible to happen. She had been all too right. Kagome had felt Inuyasha's presence the moment he entered the room.

She had chosen to ignore him though. She needed to, for his own sake. She had mingled with the ladies of the court, and she had sipped her wine, waiting for the night to be over with, all the while wondering what he was thinking.

She should have kept a closer eye on Inuyasha throughout the evening instead of listening to the latest gossip. Or better yet, she should have never left the small group of women. Then he never would have trapped her from behind.

"My lady," he whispered into her ear, the tip of his dog mask gently grazing the edge of the shell.

"You should not be here," she whispered back. It was dangerous for him to be seen here with her, even if his face was concealed. People would know who it was, and word would get back to her father…and if that happened…

"I wanted to. I believe that we have a conversation to finish."

"I believe that we finished that conversation," she bit back, knowing exactly what he was talking about. "There is nothing more to be said."

"Ah, but you are quite mistaken."

"Please..."

"Sh..." he whispered, backing away from her and allowing her the freedom to move once more. "Listen to the music."

She did, and she smiled ever so softly. They were playing his song**. The song that he always played on his violin.

"Dance with me?"

"You know that I cannot...it would cause so much trouble. And what would people think? What would my father think?"

"I think that you are forgetting about the woman that once said that she cared naught of what others though. Please...dance with me this one last time."

She could see his eyes, the longing, the desperation. It was something that she had only seen once before, and it was not something that she wanted to ever see again.

"Why do you do this to yourself?"

"Dance with me, and I may tell you."

She looked away in thought before raising her hand, and placing it on his arm. Kagome prayed that she was doing the right thing. She did not want to loose him anymore than she already had. She did not want him to die.

Everyone in the room knew who she was, and everyone knew that this man was not her fiancé. She could feel their eyes on her as he led her to the center of the room. She silently damned him then, pleading him with her eyes to not do this.

"You have been avoiding me lately," he began after they had started to dance, her long dress swishing in what felt like the now silent room.

"I do not know what you mean."

"Ah...but you do. Tell me...why do you wish to continue this little farce of yours? First, you say you want nothing to do with me, then you come back to the stables…"

"Why do you wish to continue to do this to yourself? You owe me that at the very least after last week."

"I owe you? My Dear, I think that it is the other way around. Why did you not tell me yourself?"

"It was not of importance."

"Your _fiancé_ would not agree," he spat. "Why did you leave me to find out through word of mouth...through one of the _maids_?"

"You found out on your own when I saw you last. You saw the ring. And why did you have to tell me that...please...can you not just leave me alone?"

"Have I ever been able to?" he smiled ruefully.

"No...I suppose not, but now you must learn to."

"Perhaps...but first, first I have something for you."

"What is...please...do not do what I think—"

"After a week of solitude and being treated like a leper except to be mocked, at least let me do this."

"Please...I beg of you...please keep it. Save it for another."

"There is no other," he whispered as he reached into a pocket and pulled out the necklace she had feared most. His mother's necklace. The one thing of value that he owned, and she felt it being lowered around her neck like a heavy weight, just like she felt the whispers of the people around her. "I want you to have it. Even if there is someone else to take your heart from me," he murmured, raising his hand to gently cup her cheek and look into her eyes.

"I cannot keep this."

"Even if I beg you to?"

"Even," she swallowed, her throat suddenly becoming too dry, "even if you beg me to. You are a proud man. Do not become a foolish one. He will not let you get away with this unharmed."

"Your father or your _fiancé_?"

"Both of them."

"Then if I am to die, I will die a foolish, love struck one," he whispered, pressing his lips to hers. She was lost in him, surrounded by him, and solely his until he pulled away from her and demanded, "Why must you hide from this? Why must you do as your father asks? I know that your words are not true when you say that you care nothing for me. I can see it in your eyes."

"You are mistaken," she breathed.

"You lie," he growled lowly. "Why must you lie to me? After everything, why must you stoop to that?"

"It is _so_ nice to see you again," a voice sneered from behind as a sharp blade was pressed to Inuyasha's throat. "Tell me...from what rock did you crawl out from under, and why do you soil my fiancé with your presence? Better yet, why did you come here tonight when you were clearly _not _invited?"

Inuyasha clenched his jaw and his fists, meeting Koga in the eyes.

"I came to challenge your right for her."

"Inuyasha…please…do not do this," Kagome begged.

"No. I am not going to let him marry you. He does not deserve you."

By now, the entire party had gathered in a circle around them and the King was starting to push his way through to the three in the center.

"You think I do not deserve her? Need I remind you who here is a noble, and who is the stable boy."

"I was a noble once too. My blood is just as rich as yours."

"Once. Not anymore."

"Silence!" the King roared, ending he fighting between the two. "Boy," he snarled at Inuyasha. "What is the meaning of this?"

"Your Highness," Inuyasha began, bowing in respect. "I believe that your daughter's engagement to Koga is not a wise one. I have come here tonight to challenge his right to her, and to put an end to it."

"By challenging this, you do realize that you are mocking my judgment of who would be a suitable King for this country, and husband for my daughter. This could be considered treason if you continue this pursuit because you are going against me."

"I understand this, Your Highness, but I will not back down."

The King nodded and grimly raised his hand, summoning guards to come forth from their posts.

Kagome knew that if she were to have any chance of saving Inuyasha, she would need to do something.

Now.

"Father, I believe that he is right."

A collective gasp could be heard throughout the ballroom, followed by whispers.

"Kagome? What is the meaning of this?" her father gently demanded.

"I think that he has a point. You just said for yourself that he was questioning your decision on who would be the best ruler for the kingdom after your death. What has Koga done to prove that he is worthy? He is neither a scholar nor a politician nor a knight. He has no accomplishments to his name. Inuyasha on the other hand has at least had marginal training in all of those categories and has traveled and seen the world, which I believe would enhance his foreign politics. Still, this is also not the perfect match since he does not have any accomplishments to his name."

"What are you proposing, Kagome?"

"I propose a quest."

"What kind of quest?"

"I have not decided yet. Do you have any thoughts, Father?"

Kagome could see Koga snarling in anger at her interference.

She honestly did not care.

Her Father was silent for a few moments, clearly mulling something over.

"Kagome, tomorrow, I want for you to propose a quest in front of the court. If I do not like what you have selected, I will either change it, or I will dismiss it. If I dismiss it, Inuyasha will have commited treason and will be put to death. If I like it, both men will set out to complete it. You have until dawn."

"I understand, Father."

* * *

It had been an interesting series of events that had lead him up until this moment, standing before the court with Kagome, the love of his life, walking forward to plead their case to her father.

She was beautiful, as always, but there was a weariness to her as well. She looked tired with giant circles under her eyes, and she looked aged. Still, there was confidence and determination in her gaze as she approached, carrying something with her covered in cloth.

That was the Kagome he knew and loved. He wanted so badly to reach out and hold her, but he refrained, composing himself.

"My King, Ladies and Gentlemen of the court, I am sure that I need not remind you of why we are here today," Kagome began. "I have been asked to supply a fit quest for the men Koga and Inuyasha to embark on. The winner shall aptly receive my hand in marriage, and shall be the next King of our fair country. I have in my hand not just one scroll, but three."

At last, she revealed what it was she had brought with her and showed them to the court. Inuyasha felt his heart start to beat faster. He knew what those were.

"These scrolls might seem like ordinary scrolls with maps or maybe history imprinted on them, but they are much more. To a child, these scrolls are magic. To _me_, these scrolls are magic. These scrolls have three legends on them: one legend a scroll. I did not come here today, however, to read everyone a bed time story like children."

The court chuckled at her, and Kagome started purring on the inside like a smug cat. She was winning them over.

"I like to think that we all know the legends that I brought with me. We might know them through different names, so I will be as direct as possible and briefly describe them.

The first is the Ring of Riches: the legend wherein the wearer of the ring receives endless riches if their heart is good and pure just by rubbing it.

The next is the Sisters of the Moon. This one is about three sisters of alabaster skin who only wish to be loved. It is said that a man, if his heart is pure and loving will receive a magical silken cloth, the likes of which have never been seen before. It shines like silver, and gives the owner magical powers when worn. We do not know what those powers are.

Finally, I have the scroll containing the legend of the Jewel of Four Souls. It is said that a priestess and demon were at war many years ago. She was a powerful priestess. The most powerful one the world has ever seen. It is said that they were lovers once, she and this demon, but she had been betrayed by him. He started a war against her, and she fought back ferociously. The two were evenly matched, however, and fought for seven days. It was on this last day, when the jewel was created. The priestess bound her spiritual energy to the demon, killing them both, but also giving them a new form in the shape of the jewel. This jewel is said to grant one wish and one wish only, so long as it is pure of heart.

These are children's tales. Folk lore. Legends that we all know by heart. Legends, and nothing more. That is what I had always thought…"

Kagome paused dramatically, letting the court whisper for a moment before raising her arm dramatically. The guards opened the great doors at her signal, and in walked six men, each man pushing a giant cart nearly overflowing with scrolls.

"I have here in each of those carts that these men are pushing proof of the existence of these legends. It is my belief that they are real. My proposal is this: I want Inuyasha and Koga to got out and bring back the ring, the cloth, and the jewel. The man who brings back the most objects I shall humbly wed, without complaint. There shall be no objections by anyone," she shot a sharp glance at both men for that. "They will have fought honorably and with dignity, and the shall accept the fate that one man is simply the better man.

If you like my proposal, My King, Ladies and Gentlemen of the Court, then I shall leave the rules and the guidelines up to you. I have given the task, but what regulations shall be instated? How long will they have? What help can they receive? This, I leave to you."

Her heart was racing after she had finished, looking at her father and silently begging him to approve her quests.

She needed him to.

She could not let him die.

Not like this.

Her father remained silent as the court started to murmur. Her father studied her, regarding her with a critical eye.

"Please…" she whispered, hardly moving her lips, but it seemed to be enough for the man. Her father raised his hand and motioned for his most trusted advisor to come forth.

He was a stout, round man with a whitened balding head and a sharply pointed mustache and beard. Myoga. They spoke is hushed whispers for several long moments before her father seemed to have come to a conclusion.

"Kagome, you have done well in presenting your case," he began giving her hope. "But, presentation aside, I cannot accept your three quests."

She felt herself die in that moment.

She had failed Inuyasha. She had stayed up all night, trying her best to come up with a suitable quest for them to under go. It had been Kaede's idea to use these legends as a basis for their quest. It had been better than nothing, and she had told her that there existed proof of each legends existence. She had told her to start working on a speech, and she would gather the proof. She told her that it would be ready for her, and that when the time would come, it would be waiting. Now, it did not matter. Nothing mattered, because her father and her _fiancé_ were going to get their wish after all.

The man she loved was still going to die.

"No…" she whispered, tears springing to hear eyes as she felt the air swooped out of her lungs like she had been punched in the stomach.

"I will, however, accept one of your quests."

She almost dropped to her knees at his words.

"What?"

The King smiled kindly at his daughter's shaky response. "It simply does not make any sense to dedicate so much time and effort to three quests when one will be sufficient. It is my decision that both men should try and obtain the Jewel of Four Souls.

You shall have until the start of winter to produce the gem, and the quest shall start in two weeks. Each man shall maintain a detailed progress report, sending a messenger bird to me each week. We shall meet at a later date to discuss what I expect in this report. Both shall receive gold and travel accommodations, as well as team to help you in your expedition.

The quest will come to an end when you have brought the jewel to me, and have presented it accordingly. If neither man shall bring it back come…let us say December 21st at noon, then neither man shall wed my daughter. I expect both of you to report to me tomorrow to discuss further details."

"Your Highness, this is maddening!" Koga erupted, his face the reddest anyone had ever seen it. "Do you honestly expect us to go chasing fairytales? To bring back some nonexistent…_rock_?"

"I do."

"This is _madness_! How will this prove _anything_?"

"It will show our understanding of how to maneuver different type of terrain, how we strategize, maintain our budget, work with other people, hold ourselves in battle…do you want me to continue Koga?"

He just snarled at Inuyasha's smug response, knowing that he had more experience in all of those categories.

"Do both of you accept?"

Inuyasha boldly looked into his King's eyes, surprising him with the shear determination and confidence he held in his gaze as his simply replied, "I do."

"That makes one," he smiled. "Koga? What of you? Will you accept, or shall this be a one man quest."

"I accept," he spat.

"I shall see you both tomorrow to further detail the expectations of your quest. The Court has been dismissed.

Koga was the first one to stomp out of the room, the rest of the court following soon after. Kagome and Inuyasha were the only ones to remain with her father and his advisor.

The moment the last person had left the room, Inuyasha turned to the King. "Thank you, Your Highness. I know that I have disappointed you in the past, but I promise that I shall make you proud now. Thank you for giving me a second chance, and for everything you and yours have done for me in a past." He gave Kagome a sidelong glance, telling her that the last part was for her. "I do not know what I would have done without it."

"See to it that you take advantage of this, _boy_. Next time, my daughter will not be able to save you."

"I understand…and I do not expect her to. All I need is this one chance."

The King studied him for a moment, taking him in.

"You may have never received the proper training, but you remind me more and more of your father. You become more like him as you get older. The way you act, not just the way you look. I think that you would have made him proud, _boy_."

"Thank you, Your Majesty," he grinned.

That was the highest compliment he could ever hope to receive.

"Inuyasha, would you mind giving my father and I a moment to ourselves? Please?"

"Not at all," he replied, his face softening as he brought his hand up to gently squeeze her shoulder. "I expect to see you later?"

"I still need to beat you for what you did."

All she heard was his laugh as he left.

"Father…thank you," she said after a moment. "You do not know how much this means to me."

"I think I have a general idea," he smirked.

She laughed softly.

"Either way…thank you Daddy."

"Do not thank me yet. He still has to complete the quest."

She nodded and gave him a giant hug, holding onto him for a few moments before letting go and leaving to let her father and Myoga discuss further plans about the quest.

"It does this old heart good to see a couple so in love as those two. You are doing the right thing."

"I hope so, Myoga. I really hope so."

Kagome saw Inuyasha leaning casually against a wall as she left the room.

"Everything went well?"

Her response was a solid slap across his left check, followed by her pounds and smacks to his upper body.

"You stupid, stupid, stupid…_boy_!" She cried out in frustration. "Do you know what could have happened to you? You could have _died_ if I were not quick on my feet! Never, ever, _ever_, do something as…as…_foolish_ and as _stupid _as this _ever_ again!"

She was near tears and trembling as the gravity of what had just happened finally settled in.

Inuyasha really almost was a dead man.

She had honestly almost lost him.

"Never again" she sobbed as she flung herself to him, gripping onto his shoulder and arm like it was the only thing keeping her alive and sane, not that this was a far stretch from the truth.

"Never again," he promised, hugging her back. "Never again."

He slid them down onto the floor as her sobs became worse and he felt her legs give out. He cradled her between his own long legs and rewrapped her in his arms, starting a gentle rocking to calm her as he started to whisper kind words and sweet nothings into the shell of her ear.

If someone were to walk by, all he had to do was glare at them and they would keep going, pretending that there was nothing to be seen.

As her sobs died down and finally stopped, he hooked a finger under her chin and made her look him in the eye.

"Hey," he whispered.

"Hey," she replied in kind, causing a light chuckle.

"I promise you, Kagome, I am not going anywhere. I am going to win this quest. I promise. We will get our happily ever after. I will not let him beat me. I swear," he confidently told her, interlocking their fingers together. If was her left hand, and he looked down hatefully at her ring.

"How about we get this piece of trash off of your finger, hm?" he joked, lifting her hand and taking her ring off. He gave it a condescending look before throwing it halfway down the hallway, making Kagome start to laugh.

"It was a beautiful ring, but you have no idea how glad I am to have that gone. I cannot even begin to tell you," she told him in between her giggles.

"No?" He smirked. "Then why not show me."

"Oh…I certainly plan to," she whispered, pulling his head down so she could reach his lips.

Their kiss was full of passion and love as they explored each other. Inuyasha was desperate and filled with the need to touch her and feel her and be with her after what had happened only one short week ago. They had been though so much together, and this was their way of re-solidifying their relationship as he took dominance over her, something that she was more that willing to give as her fingers started clawing his back and head.

"Well, isn't this just lovely," a voice sneered, causing the two to break apart far too early.

"Koga," Inuyasha growled.

"I would not get to comfortable, if I were you. You may have prolonged our engagement," he glared, studying the wedding ring Inuyasha had thrown down the hallway, "but you have not won."

"Perhaps, but it will not take much to beat you."

Kog growled and if it were not for the fact that Kagome clung to Inuyasha's shoulders, completely protecting him with her body, he would have gone after him.

"Just you wait, Inuyasha. You think you have won, but the really battle is only just beginning."

* * *

A/N:

*Lyric to David Bowie's song Within You (http:/ www. youtube. com/watch? v=y1-l0UN CKJM)  
** Serenade, by Franz Schubert. (http:/ www. youtube. com/ watch? v=r BaLyPQ F-Fo )

I own neither song.

Reasons why I didn't update for so long:

1: My computer died literally right after the question I posted as a chapter, ergo loosing the new chapter.

2: I spent all summer at my job saving up for it.

…Yup… I think those are pretty good reasons…

My old computer, Izzy, died on me almost a few days after I asked people about White Rose. I fortunately had a back up of my notes from school…but I was computerless for a loooong time. Thankfully, I got the summer job I REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted (Student Orientation Leader at my University), and I saved up all summer for my new baby, Lexi Grey my MacBook Pro. Love 3. I decided to go big or go home with this bad girl ;).

I got her not too long ago, but aside from setting her up, this is one of the first things I did.

I hope everyone can forgive me for my disappearing act... It was somewhat forced and unintentional.

I hope everyone liked this chapter! It took me a LONG time to decide to not cut this story short (as in wrap up in one or two chapters) and just kill off the other two quests. I still mentioned those quests though, since they were in the original plot. I love this story…but I think I would have had a hard time juggling this, three organizations (one I'm on the exec board for), a part time Marketing job on campus, and 18 credit hours in the fall (since 10 of those are accounting and Spanish. Egads!) Don't forget…I'm a student to ya know!

Since I just finished this chapter, I am going to TRY and start on the next one within a day or two…but that means I have no idea when it is gonna be up. Sorry :(. I know… I slipped from my once every two weeks thing in HS. Life changes…what can I say?

Anyways…thank you guys so much for all of your support with everything! I don't know what I am going to do yet with the whole White Rose situation. What I might do is just repost the original since honestly…aside from the first two chapters…nothing is going to be the same. There is just going to be a similar plot, but everything else is going to be VERY different… still not sure though. You will know when I know :).

Again, thank you so much to everyone who has read and reviewed! It means the world to me in this crazy hectic life of mine :)


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